


Cold as the Moon

by TeelLilies



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: (but y'know), (more like lone wolf), Anxiety, Claustrophobia, Close Calls, Cuddling, Fluff, Gen, Hanzo Shimada is not good at dealing with emotions, Hanzo is anxious as shit, Hanzo is very bad at dealing with people, Hunter/wolfpack au, Jesse is doing his best, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of hunting, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mildly graphic mentions of wild animals being hunted/killed, Nightmares, Not quite Feral!Hanzo, Okami!Hanzo, Panic Attacks, Previous Relationship, Slow Burn, So is genji, actually don't that's a bad idea, like someone please get this man a stress ball, much needed fluff tbh, pretty graphic description of Hanzo killing genji, semi-graphic gore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-03-18 02:01:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 64,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13671945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeelLilies/pseuds/TeelLilies
Summary: Complete isolation breeds complete peace, at least, that's how it should work. At least that was what Hanzo Shimada told himself when he walked away from civilization as a whole, a last ditch effort to avoid head-hunters. But with nothing to occupy but survival, the mind has far too much time free, to twist what what may have once been fine.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a complete overhaul of my other work Under A Cold Moon. Anyone coming here from that will know that already. But just a head's up, the plot is very much the same. I'm just doing a bit of re-working there and changing a bit, but the basic premise is still there. I hope all of my seasoned readers enjoy this and I hope all of my new readers enjoy it as well!

Breath that would have fogged the freezing air hissed into the cloth wrapped around the base of a hunter’s face. Dark eyes narrowing against the light snowfall dusting the forest. It was just enough to lower visibility as the hunter watched a small herd of elk. They stripped bark off of trees, unaware of the arrow drifting between them, deciding. 

Discomfort was usual for the hunter, calf tucked into the crook of a branch against the trunk of a tree, hunched over to stay small as he settled his sights on one of the weaker specimens. Another long breath, stifled in coarse fabric, a steadying exhale and the creak of a well-used bowstring. The sound was followed by the distinct thwack of the string snapping forward, sending the arrow straight through the throat of one of the animals below. Cries of distress went up from the herd, the sound of hooves churning through thin snow following as they fled, leaving behind the animal wheezing around the arrow blocking its airway. 

The hunter lowered his bow, before slinging it over his back. He was quick to drop from the tree, balancing easily across branches before landing near silently in the snow. At the disappearance of the bow, a long knife appeared, a wicked blade flecked in places with scratches, well used. The hunter circled the kill for a moment, trying to decide how to approach with minimal damage as blood stained the white snow. The elk thrashed uselessly, trying to get its legs under itself. The hunter was merciful though. He moved around behind the animal to brace his knee against the back of it’s neck, avoiding thrashing hooves as he pulled the elk’s head back. The blade flashed, razor edge opening the animal’s throat, staining the ground further as the kill started to weaken, twitched, and fell still. 

Once the hunter had straightened, taken in the sight of the huge animal laying in the snow. An elk was a good prize. Plenty of meat for a long time. During warmer months the hunter didn’t take down more than small kills, fowl, small deer, anything larger would rot. In the freezing weather the elk were more scarce, yes, but their bodies froze. 

He pulled his scarf down as he took a moment to glance around, listening to the silence of the forest around him. It was answered by two different cries from two different wolves. Anyone with any sense never would have made a noise so loud in a forest known for having wolves, but the hunter was calling his pack. Sharp, elegant features relaxed as he cleaned his blade on a scrap of tanned animal hide hanging from his belt. Barks and yips echoed through the trees as the wolves approached. They knew their alpha had made a kill. And after a short wait, two wolves approached the hunter. Greetings were exchanged. The human was sniffed thoroughly and offered each wolf a quick scratch before stepping back to let them tear into the still-warm carcass. 

Guilt had been eating at him for the past couple of days, food was more scarce during the winter, and they’d all been without eating for far too long. The hunter knew better than to step in while the wolves ate though. As well as they responded to him, they were still animals, and tended to snap at each other, or him. 

He took a minute to clear some snow away from the base of a tree, settling there as he watched the two. The silence of the forest was broken by the sound of flesh tearing and ribs crunching between canine teeth. Steam wafted from the elk, mixing with snow as the hunter rested his head back against the trunk of a tree. 

Once the pair of wolves had eaten their fill, they settled down a few feet away from the kill to lick their muzzles and turn expectant eyes to the man they’d accepted as a leader. He was quiet for the time being, tired from hunting and lingering for a moment to rest. 

Basic needs were cruel though and before long the hunter was on his feet, the blade returning to slip under skin, separating muscle and slipping easily into a joint, easily detaching a leg from the kill to reserve. Just one of the things was heavy, almost an effort to pull from the carcass as he ran the blade down around the curve of a muscle, freeing the leg from the rest of the body. 

The wolves watched with curiosity, shifting to pile properly on top of each other, ears flicking forward to listen to the hunter. He offered them a quiet look, raised eyebrow. Spoken commands to the pair rarely came. The hunter had raised them, and rarely saw any need for more than a whistle or click. Names and words meant nothing in the wild. 

It was a concept the hunter adapted to quickly when he first stepped out of human civilization. He’d faded from memory of most, except a few that still wanted his head. He was sure they still searched. But to everyone else? He was a myth, a forest spirit flanked by wolves who was never really seen by people. Any time he had an unfortunate run-in with other human beings, it usually didn’t end well. More than one person had gone missing in those woods. Only those that caused issues. The hunter didn’t kill without need.

As it was the day was nothing out of the ordinary. And as the forest was swathed in dusk a fire crackled, the smell of cooked meat curling in the air as two wolves snoozed on each other. The hunter leaned back against the pair, using furry backs as furniture as he cleaned and sharpened the blade in his hands. A sight that would likely cause any human to believe he was some mountain man to be feared, some killer who would have been pleased with the sight of the wolves tearing someone apart alive. 

Then again human fear played into a fantasy like that. The hunter had long since abandoned notions of those things, distancing himself from the human world. He couldn’t have been happier for it. Without the trivial stresses and politics of human life, the hunter seemed more relaxed, comfortable almost. 

How a human came to lead a pair of wolves was a bit of an odd story though. He’d grown far too used to the life he led, but any outsider would be baffled as to how a man could hold any sway over two wild beasts. 

An answer was simple. The hunter had raised the two by hand. He’d come across their mother’s body, the two cubs tucked partially under her. Anyone who had ever dealt with animals would know cubs so small weren’t suited for surviving on their own. Though many from his life before would believe the hunter had no heart or soul he couldn’t leave the cubs to die. 

He hand-raised them, from when they were very small. He’d gotten lucky when it came to their age, they were already weaned, so little mashed up scraps of meat were enough. Feeding and caring for them was a bit difficult at first. And he often found himself distracted playing with the cubs instead of hunting for them. They were sweet, the two were both male, and the hunter had hoped it wouldn’t cause issues when they grew older. Thankfully issues didn’t come, the brothers remained close and followed their human as they grew up.

Unlike a pair of human brothers driven apart by stupid human issues. By one brother’s inability to make the right choice when it really mattered. Driven apart by steel and blood, the crack of bones and guilt that lingered. A finality defined by death. 

Solitude came with peace, but it came with a lot of silence. And without the distractions of a human society, came with far too much time for thinking. 

The hunter was torn out of swiftly darkening thoughts by a wet nose pushing under his hand, movement from behind him nearly disturbing his balance. A huff pulled from him, tired eyes dropping to the wolf wiggling it’s head up under his hands. He set his blade and sharpening stone aside, sitting up on his own to rub over the wolf’s head. Soft fur pushed between his fingers, and the light of the fire catching on bright eyes. A second head butted against the back of the hunter’s shoulder, the gesture made easier by the fact that the hunter was sitting. He turned his head enough to meet dark eyes, and a warm tongue caught the side of his face. It made him snap back, a grimace tainting otherwise calm features. He shot the wolf a look, lifting his hand to wipe the wetness from his face. 

They didn’t do much for the rest of the evening as darkness completely consumed the forest. The group fell to quietly curling up together, and eventually they settled for sleep. The hunter rested against one of the wolves to sleep, the other flopping over his midsection with no concern about the hunter’s legs falling asleep from the weight. 

Protests were never voiced though, instead just a resigned huff and a pat for the wolf before three settled in silence to sleep. The hunter had learned in his time that sleep was better than trying to keep up the human trend of ‘keeping watch’. 

Over time the hunter had abandoned a lot of human mannerisms, only a few remained. And those were only the ones he found beneficial. The use of a bow and arrow being the main one of those traits. Despite the hunter’s best efforts, he hadn’t been able to teach the wolves how to hunt on their own. So he was responsible for any kills taken down. It was a cleaner and more humane way to handle prey, but it could be inconvenient when he lost arrows or didn’t have the material to make more. 

But he did what he had to, mostly to keep himself and the wolves alive. 

~~~

Most days remained the same, the pack didn’t linger in one place for too long. So days often consisted of resting or eating when they had chances to. Once the elk was stripped clean they moved on from that area. And the next place they stopped properly was in the shadow of a large stone outcrop. Hanzo sat quietly making arrows while the wolves each tore into a bird carcass of their own. The species was unidentifiable at that point, both birds a mess of blood and feathers as the wolves enjoyed their meal. 

It wasn’t often that Hanzo let his guard drop, but sitting by a warm fire, lost in the rhythm of fletching arrows… Well he found himself settling into the atmosphere, forgetting to stay as alert as he usually was. Perhaps he should have been more on edge, as within the past few days there were campers in the woods. Hanzo only caught glimpses of them when he was hunting, but he kept a good distance. It was better to be safe than sorry. So it was more on him that anything when he didn’t hear the footsteps approaching until a boot crunched into the snow, rounding the stone outcrop. 

The hunter was up in an instant, bow drawn in hand, arrow leveled quickly at the chest of the man that stepped around into the open. They were only a few feet apart, and it meant the head of the arrow was only about a foot from the man’s torso, threatening. Eyes narrowed at the face of the intruder, though as he took in the man’s features, familiarity sparked in the back of the hunter’s mind.

There was a long pause, the other man’s hands raising slightly in a sign of peace as two snarls curled through the air from behind the hunter, paws crunching through snow. A second pair of footsteps pattered through the snow, accompanied by the sound of a sword drawing. The hunter’s grip wavered a bit, realizing he may be in a bad situation as another figure rounded the corner. 

The newcomer shone with metal, a faceplate concealing whatever lay behind and a sword in hand as they backed the first man, though both seemed stunned at the sight of him. The hunter figured they hadn’t expected to find anyone so far out in the woods, but by the sword the other man held he couldn’t be sure. 

“Hanzo?”

The question came from the second figure. A mix of disbelief and cybernetically reconstructed vocal chords. It had the hunter freezing up a bit, eyes flickering to the second figure and arrow training on him instead as he heard the wolves shifting by his sides. Thready growls dragged between their teeth, well-trained and waiting, but impatient. 

Names meant nothing in the wild. The hunter had not heard that name since he left what he had once considered his home. And the fact that the second figure, cyborg, knew it, could pair it with his face… Hanzo didn’t like it, lips pulling back a bit in a snarl of his own as he eyed the man down the length of the arrow he had readied. When the man moved his sword, bringing it up a bit Hanzo twitched, fingers flexing against the bowstring, ready to release the arrow. The man’s companion seemed to know better, putting a hand out to touch the cyborg’s arm, his eyes never leaving the hunter. 

“Easy Genji, give ‘im a minute.” 

That name however, should not have garnered the reaction it did from the hunter. Hanzo stilled completely, disbelief crossing his features as silence closed in again. It was only broken by the snap of impatient jaws at his side. There was no way Genji was alive, the other man had died on Hanzo’s blade the day he fled, he’d heard his brothers spine and ribs crack under hard strikes of a sword, he’d seen Genji crumple to the ground, dead. It couldn’t be. 

And yet, when the figure dropped his sword into the snow, Hanzo clicked quietly to the wolves, keeping them from lashing out with a silent signal to keep behind him. They didn’t seem pleased, hanging back as Hanzo watched a hand lift to the cyborg’s face plate. He should have kept an eye on the first man as well. The one who looked familiar but he couldn’t place. Not familiar enough to properly remember. 

His eyes stayed stuck to the cyborg, shifting his hands on his bow as the face plate snapped off, coming away in the cyborg’s hand. Hanzo didn’t know what he expected, shouldn’t have expected anything. But the sight he was greeted with felt like the air had been knocked out of him. The same eyes he’d seen many times full of hope, creased with laughter lines, fading into death… They stared back at him, virtually unmarred compared to the scars that lashed over Genji’s face. Some familiar, others new. Hanzo felt sick. 

“You are, alive.” The words were a fumbled rasp, a voice long unused forced into motion. It didn’t sound right, and it had Hanzo flinching at the sound of it. The sound was wrong coming from him. He hadn’t spoken since he’d begun raising the cubs. Instead his vocabulary had been tossed aside in favor of a host of whistles and clicks he relied on to deal with the wolves. 

“Not for lack of effort on your part.” Genji’s tone was wary, eyeing Hanzo as his bow dipped, finally dropping the arrow from where it’d been pointed at the cyborg- his brother’s, chest. His guard didn’t drop though. He was still ready to shoot if needed and neither of the wolves flanking him had lowered their hackles at all. Hell, Hanzo was surprised they hadn’t gone against him and decided to hurt one of the men anyways.

“Why are you here?” Hanzo had to think about what words he wanted to say a startling amount. Once speech had been perfectly easy, an afterthought. And while the words were an odd fit in his mouth, he was more concerned about how long it took him to find the right words. His tone was still harsh though, eyes narrowing at his brother. 

Had Genji sought him out? If so then why? Revenge? For the clan? Hanzo couldn’t wrap his head around any reason his brother would want to seek out the older sibling that had murdered him in cold blood. Guilt clawed its way up Hanzo’s throat, pressing at him, choking him almost. 

“We wish to bring you home, Hanzo. This is no life to lead.” Genji’s voice was surprisingly gentle as he lifted his faceplate once more to replace it. The piece of metal sealed back into place with a click and low hiss. The sound made Hanzo twitch. 

“I am fine as I am, why would you wish my return?” His growl was low, suspicious. And overall as cold as the air that curled around all three of them. 

“Because you have been missing for years. I’ve been looking for you for years Hanzo!” Genji’s tone was snappy at the end, stance shifting, bristling in defense. It had the bow in Hanzo’s hands shifting to a half-draw, the hunter making no effort to hide the motion. 

“Why? Why search for someone who murdered you and then fled?” Hanzo spat. The wolves sensed his unease, winding around his legs and keeping their eyes on the pair as Hanzo glared his brother down, his gaze only flickering to Genji’s counterpart every now and then. 

“You are my brother! How could I not look?” The retort was sharp, incredulous as the unintroduced man looked between the brothers. 

“Blood means nothing between us any more Genji, I would have thought you decided that long ago.” The words were coming more easily the more Hanzo used his voice, the unused rasp evening into a low gravel. 

“Just because you decided that doesn’t mean I did.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so all of your comments have been, so wonderful honestly. I'm so thankful for all of you guys' support, and without you I doubt that this would even be happening, so just another thank you to everyone who's stuck around tbh. Y'all are great as heck.

The argument was brief, loud. It had wolves nearly snapping at the legs of the two men. They wanted Hanzo to come back, to join whatever organization they’d been part of for years. Hanzo’s response was a harsh no. It wasn’t even a question. The wolves couldn’t survive without him hunting for them, as much as he hated it. But he didn’t see why they were so adamant about it. He didn’t even know who the second man was. Which was nagging at him more than the sounds of the wolves snapping as he and his brother shouted at each other. 

It was just the same back and forth for a few minutes, Hanzo bristling more as time went on, not giving Genji an inch. Frustration was running high before Genji finally snapped a bit, stepping forward towards Hanzo. The bow snapped up again in an instant, but Genji didn’t waver. 

“You have been imposing isolation on yourself for something that has been long forgiven.” Genji hissed. The younger Shimada looked like he was about to lash out, to shake his brother or something. Hanzo allowed the younger man no closer. The threat of an arrow through the chest seemed enough. 

“I am not imposing anything on myself.” Hanzo snapped, narrowing his eyes at Genji. The wolves snapped close to Genji’s legs. A low click from Hanzo was the only thing that had them drawing back, still uncomfortably close to the cyborg. 

“I know you Hanzo, you believe this is penance for what you have done.” Genji persisted, shifting his stance. Hanzo frowned at his brother, grinding his teeth. He wasn’t doing anything of the sort. He preferred being alone, preferred being able to not worry about human society and worries of what to do with himself. Preferred being unable to hurt anyone. 

Perhaps… He was. 

“You don’t have to do this anymore Hanzo. You have a place, with us if you want it. This isn’t healthy, you’re going to drive yourself insane out here.” Genji’s voice dropped a bit, pleading almost. Hanzo could hear the concern in Genji’s voice, even through the metallic tones of reconstruction. That was a harsh reminder of what Hanzo had done to his brother. He hadn’t been able to just end Genji’s life, swiftly and mercifully. Instead he’d put his brother through hell, left him in pain. 

It was almost worse than killing him, Hanzo was slowly realizing. 

“I told you, I am not returning.” Hanzo growled. A frustrated sound pulled from Genji, and Hanzo nearly dropped his bow. Part of him wanted to reach out, to apologize to his brother, tell Genji he could never forgive himself for what he’d done. Because he couldn’t. He had spent too much time with his own thoughts, had too much time with memories of years spent with Genji when they grew up… How he’d thrown all of that away for the clan that was nowhere near worth it. 

“Hanzo I can’t make this any clearer to you, I have forgiven you. You need to forgive yourself, and you can’t stay out here.” Genji’s voice was still a bit soft, pleading with his brother. 

“Please…” The quiet murmur was what chipped away at Hanzo’s defenses, the bow dropped yet again, string relaxing slightly in Hanzo’s fingers. He still didn’t understand why Genji would want the person that betrayed him in the worst way possible to return. He’d have to think on that more. 

“I can’t leave them.” Hanzo let his tone slip a bit, gaze flickering down to the wolves that had slowly started to calm a bit more, realizing the others probably didn’t propose a threat if Hanzo hadn’t killed them already. He knew the wolves wouldn’t understand the words that passed between the brothers, especially as they bristled whenever their volume raised at all. 

“I never said you had to Hanzo.” Genji huffed, Hanzo could tell his brother turned his eyes to the pair of wolves, even if he couldn’t catch the movement of the younger man’s eyes. 

“It will take some convincing, but we may be able to work it out. We’re already doing something illegal Hanzo, there are no rules to be applied to, it’s just a matter of if they’re a threat to others on base.” He kept his tone even, and it had Hanzo shifting a bit as he finally dropped his eyes, thinking. 

Hanzo knew it was best if he didn’t return. If he kept away from other people permanently. But… The idea that the stress of keeping the wolves alive could be reduced a bit, it was a nice on. It was just a matter of weighing his options. What was more stressful, survival or being around his brother, and other human beings again. He hadn’t interacted with others in so long, perhaps it would be as stressful as how his life had been with the clan. But he didn’t want to impose on anyone. 

“At least consider it.” There was hope evident in the way Genji spoke, the way he straightened a bit. Hanzo’s eyes slid up to his brother again, wary and reluctant. 

“If I can bring them I may consider it.” Hanzo spoke slowly, shifting his shoulders. There was the sound of fur shifting against animal skins as one of the wolves leaned against Hanzo’s leg, tail flicking against the back of Hanzo’s knee, obviously still displeased with the situation. 

Cybernetic shoulders seemed to relax at that, a nod following the statement. Hanzo would consider, yes, but he didn’t want Genji to hope. Nor did he want to bother his brother by actually returning. It was a lot to think about. 

“Do not expect a yes.” Hanzo’s voice was clipped, cold again as he squared his own shoulders. He didn’t know how not having the pack would have changed his attitude towards the situation but he didn’t want to know either. He’d long grown used to the pair trailing around after him every day. They were only about two years old, but they felt more like family than the clan ever had. 

“Alright, how do we contact you again?” Genji asked. At that, Hanzo paused. He didn’t know, he didn’t carry electronics of any variety with him. Nor did he expect the others to remember their way back. They were deep in the woods. The nearest town was hours south. And Hanzo assumed that was where the others came from. It was a tiny place, Hanzo had been by it several times before. There were some things one couldn’t get in the wild, and well, stealing something that wouldn’t be missed wasn’t a huge deal to him. 

“Can you contact the people you need to from here?” The question was frustrated, Hanzo had no idea if they could do that from so deep in the wilds, but he figured asking would be good. If they could do that, perhaps he could make a choice sooner. It’d either have to be a yes or no, there was no in-between, which was awful. 

Movement from behind Genji had Hanzo nearly raising the bow once more, before remembering the other man that had come with Genji. The one that was both familiar and completely foreign. Hanzo had only heard him speak once, and the voice was familiar as well. He watched the man produce a transparent tablet from his pocket, tapping at it briefly before he gave a nod. 

“Yeah, satelite out here’s weak but it’ll do.” The low drawl was tentative before the other man handed the tablet over to Genji. 

“Would you like me to talk to them now?” Genji asked, nodding to the tablet. The idea of going back to see other human beings made Hanzo feel sick to his stomach. He was so used to the wild, no speech needed, no need for communication beyond body language and nonverbal commands. And there was no drama of misunderstandings beyond possibly stepping on a paw or tail without meaning to. Humans were too complex for Hanzo. He even disliked how complicated he was as a person. It would have been so much easier to abandon that, to be able to think without worry of bad memories cropping up, old guilt to surface. Hanzo was almost envious of the wolves sometimes. How they could lead such a simple life without worry of anything else.

After a long pause and swallowing down nerves that never should have been there, Hanzo mustered a quiet nod. Genji gave one in return before he moved off a bit to tap something into the device. Hanzo watched him for a long moment, focusing on his breathing as he tried to deter the nausea that gripped at him. No person should have been so filled with anxiety at the notion of returning to civilization. Just another thing Hanzo hated about himself, another thing to linger on when he had too much time to think. What was so wrong with him that he couldn’t stomach the thought of other human beings? 

His attention was snapped back to the still unnamed man as the man cleared his throat. Hanzo’s gaze was hard, eyes narrowing slightly at the person he didn’t know. 

“D’you, remember me by chance?” The question was quiet, and Hanzo saw the man’s eyes flicker over him. Was he supposed to remember the other man? There was a flicker of recognition sure, but that may have also just been a reminder of someone else. Apparently they had met though. Hanzo pursed his lips a bit at the thought, before shaking his head. He didn’t remember everything, and thanks to the fact that most of his younger years had been blanketed by the horror of the betrayal, a lot of other things had been forgotten. 

“Didn’t think so.” The man sighed, lifting a hand to adjust the scarf he wore. A metal prosthetic caught the light streaming through the trees, catching on the limb before it was dropped again. The not-stranger mustered a half-smile that didn’t reach his eyes. 

“Name’s Jesse McCree, we used to be real close.” He offered. 

Now the name brought more recognition than the face or the stature of the other man. Hanzo blinked at that, it took him a second to place the name with a face. Memories had been muddled over the years, but after a moment of soft scowling, he came up with the face. 

He had, indeed been close to a man named Jesse McCree. A boy, at that time. Jesse had been slim, malnourished more than fit, a freshly forged agent of Blackwatch. How they had met was long lost to an unreliable memory. But Hanzo could remember hushed conversations held between two people wrapped up in bed together. Stolen kisses when nobody was looking, the fear of being caught, and warm hands against his skin. Not much else though. After a moment of thought, Hanzo looked back to the man in front of him. There was no way the man in front of him was Jesse. Jesse was a scrap compared to the man facing him, all hard lines and sharp edges. He hadn’t had nearly enough facial hair, or the sturdy waist and broad shoulders Hanzo saw on the man Genji had brought.

“You can’t be him.” Hanzo shook his head, frowning. The memory of being with anyone hadn’t left his mind over the years, though it was an infrequent thought. Fleeting in the moments of feeling alone, longing for a time when he’d had someone else to lean on. 

“I’ve changed a lot, I know.” The sigh was low, followed by a faint smirk, and a shrug. Hanzo was still unsure. Curiosity overrode suspicion and Hanzo found himself wanting to ask more questions, if the man was truly Jesse, what had changed? How had he changed so much physically? 

Before he could ask Genji returned, handing the tablet back to Jesse before he turned back to Hanzo. The hunter stiffened a bit, grip shifting on his bow as his hands started to hurt a bit from the stress put on them by the grip on his bow. 

“If you wish to take them as well, it’s feasible. But there are conditions.” Genji’s voice was cautious as he scooped up his sword from the snow, Hanzo tensed, jacket creaking slightly with it before Genji lifted the blade to replace it in the sheath on his back. 

“They have to be tranquilized for transport, and they’ll be immediately held until it’s positive they’re not carrying any diseases. I’m assuming they’ll follow your command?” The question was almost tentative, Genji folding his arms as he spoke. Hanzo hated to hear what others wanted to do to his companions, but he knew it was probably reasonable for humans to be wary. The wolves were still wild animals, Hanzo knew that much. The only reason they were so comfortable around him was because he’d raised them. And even then sometimes playing had gotten too rough and he’d ended up with scratches and sometimes even scars. 

“So?” There was hope in Genji’s voice when he spoke, and Hanzo paused. It was, a huge change if he went with them. But some part of Hanzo knew, it was probably the best. One of the things he’d worried about more than once had been what would happen to the wolves if he died. He knew they could probably figure themselves out but he worried. And if they returned, it would be easier to make sure they didn’t die from a small wound. 

The silence stretched out for an eternity. Hanzo silently weighing the options as his gaze fell to the two wolves pacing. They seemed to understand at that point that the others didn’t pose a threat. Or they’d gotten too restless to hold still. Either way Hanzo hesitated for a long moment before his shoulders fell a bit and he gave a slight nod. 

“Alright.” It was quiet, almost defeated. Hanzo didn’t like the idea really. It was just the lesser of two not-great situations. He’d miss the open emptiness of the woods, the miles of uninhabited space. He’d be damned if he gave up his freedom though, he was done taking orders. The last time he’d followed an order it’d resulted in the worst thing he’d ever done, Hanzo didn’t plan on going back to that. 

~~~

The trip back was easy for Hanzo, not so much for Genji and Jesse. Although it was uncomfortably quiet. Hanzo didn’t want to bother Genji, nor did he want to talk with Jesse, who he felt he hardly knew after more than a decade. He just kept quiet most of the time. Most questions they asked could be answered with a nod or shake of his head. And Hanzo was grateful for that. 

It took a couple of days, but Hanzo managed to keep his sanity through it. The wolves slowly began to adjust to Genji and Jesse, the building of trust aided by Hanzo having both men feed the wolves scraps off of a kill he’d taken down to feed the whole group. The pair seemed to gravitate more towards McCree, one of the two even approaching him when they settled down one evening. 

They were gathered around a small fire, Hanzo sat with the other wolf’s head in his lap, deft fingers working small bits of bramble out of his companion’s fur quietly. The second wolf circled around Jesse, sniffing at the edges of Jesse’s clothes and sneezing. Hanzo’s gaze drifted up to see Jesse’s nervous look as the wolf shook his head, making a low sound before bumping his nose under Jesse’s metal arm aggressively, sniffing at the other man again. Hanzo watched the interaction carefully, aware it was more curiosity than aggression. But when a discontented sound echoed from his lap his gaze drifted down again. 

The second wolf returned shortly after investigating the cowboy a bit more and sneezing on him. Hanzo offered the canine a pat on the head as the wolf settled beside him again, curling into a ball to sleep. And from there the night continued as the one before had. Hanzo kept his distance from the others, not even bothering with a sleeping back as they did. Instead he’d lay against one of the wolves while the other curled against his side. Hanzo’s clothes were warm enough to stand the temperature drop at night either way. 

Eventually though, the group reached the edge of the woods, and Hanzo found himself lagging behind. He and the wolves actually. They seemed reluctant to leave the safety of the trees as they began to thin. Hanzo was just intent on taking in the last glimpses of what was their home, where the wolves had grown up and where Hanzo had spent years. The creak of the trees in the wind high above had always been a comforting sound. And the sound of their footsteps breaking an otherwise quiet atmosphere seemed wrong almost, intrusive. As they reached the very edge of the forest Hanzo found himself looking back, was he making the right choice? Would the wolves be able to adjust to living elsewhere? What if they didn’t?

“Hanzo!” The call startled the hunter, Hanzo visibly jumping as he turned his eyes back to the others. He could already see the bulk of the transport ship waiting for them without the trees in the way, a shadow looming against the stark white of the tundra. It had anxiety bubbling up in him again, not moving until one of the wolves nudged him. He dropped his gaze to his companion before shifting to crouch and bury his fingers in the thick ruff of fur around his companion’s neck. With a sigh, Hanzo bumped their foreheads together, taking a second to breathe as he took a knee. The other wolf didn’t like being left out, and quickly rounded his side to butt his head up under Hanzo’s elbow, demanding to be included as he clumsily snorted at Hanzo’s hair and into the crook of the other man’s shoulder. 

They had to go, leaving was the best option for them, and Hanzo hated it. He didn’t want to have to coop the pair up, didn’t want to take their home away from them. But it would be safer. He’d work around whatever space they had, he’d make sure they were kept entertained, still allowed to be wild. 

Once both of the wolves had gotten a kiss on the forehead and a good petting, they were content to trail after Hanzo towards where Genji and Jesse were waiting. Hanzo still felt sick, and he was still woefully unsure how any of them would adjust to living around humans… But he felt like he was doing what was best. So that was enough for him for the moment. 

The transport kept looming closer though, the airship seemed huge, even if Hanzo knew it was a small one. However the wolves had never seen anything of the sort, hanging behind Hanzo as even he hesitated at the door. Another look was cast behind him, where the huge forest loomed, seeming dark from the outside. 

As mechanical parts hissed, dropping the door so the group could enter the vehicle, the wolves retreated a bit. Hanzo was quick to soothe them as Jesse ducked into the transport to retrieve something. Hanzo took another moment to kneel in the snow. The condition about sedating the wolves had not been forgotten, and Hanzo turned back to the cowboy when Jesse returned with a couple of tranquilizers in hand. Thankfully there would be no fumbling with a syringe or anything of the sort. The two canisters were handed to Hanzo, and he hesitated before calling one of the wolves over. 

The process was quick, and it wasn’t more than a minute before both of the wolves crumpled to the ground, fast asleep. Hanzo was quick to scoop one of them up, shooting both other men a warning glare as he passed them into the transport. If they so much as tried to get near the other wolf he would end them. Hanzo was protective to say the least over the two, and as soon as one had been deposited in the transport, he retrieved the other. That time Genji and Jesse trailed after him. 

Unsurprisingly, the transport made Hanzo uncomfortable. The hum of machinery and lurch of the craft taking off was surprisingly foreign after so long. And it had him on edge as he sat with the wolves. His gaze remained on either them or his hands, trying to keep them from shaking as he tried to calm himself. Any creak or unusual sound set Hanzo off, making him jump and go rigid briefly. The sounds shouldn’t have been as foreign as they were. It was just the past several years he’d spent with only the snap of tree branches and sounds of the wilds surrounding him that messed with him. And Hanzo found himself grateful that he’d been left alone as he let his head fall to his hands. 

A raspy sigh left him, shoulders falling as he pushed his hood from his head. The wolf’s pelt was far too hot for an insulated craft, and Hanzo soon found himself shedding layers as well as the hood. He stayed hunched over where he was though, hands tangled in soft fur of sedated wolves or flitting restlessly over his bow. He finally settled for un-stringing the well-used weapon in his nervousness, just needing something to do as he coiled the string neatly. 

He was on edge until eventually exhaustion drew him down. It had been a long day, the group had risen early to finish the last leg of their trip. And Hanzo had been brimming with anxiety for the entire time he’d been awake, and it had grown more and more until it threatened to suffocate him. Thankfully before it gnawed a hole in him he managed to fall asleep, leaning back against the wall, hand still on the knife he carried. He didn’t trust the others yet. And he knew the wolves didn’t either. But as much as he was grudgingly willing to follow them, Hanzo had never been one to trust easily. Let alone after years of isolation. 

Eventually though, he was jarred awake by the sound of footsteps down stairs. He was awake in a moment, knife in hand. Instead of a threat he was greeted with Genji approaching him. The cyborg paused though, giving Hanzo a chance to stow the knife before he approached again to take a seat near Hanzo. 

“We’re almost back to base, are you doing alright?” Genji asked quietly, Hanzo still remained surprised by how tentative Genji was half the time. Perhaps he shouldn’t have been. Of course his brother was wary of him. Hanzo had completely shredded his brother, made Genji’s disgrace evident to any part of the clan. 

Hanzo just offered a mute nod at the question, a bit of hair falling into his face. The hum of the craft’s engines filled the tense silence, the air between the brothers was thick with questions. And Hanzo refused to even look at Genji. Every glance was a reminder of what he’d done to cause his brother harm, a picture that sent guilt clawing through Hanzo. Anyone who could handle other people would have told Hanzo he and Genji needed to talk, that they had to figure out where they stood with each other. But Hanzo was having enough of a time with knowing his brother was alive, and the nasty wave of emotions that came with the knowledge. So talking was out of the picture for him until he got his bearings. Or even just completely out, he couldn’t be sure. Hanzo was sure there was no real talking needed. He knew Genji had to hate him, somewhere, some part of his mind. There was no way he couldn’t. Not with what Hanzo had done. 

“I can assure you the others will leave you be until you adjust.” Genji’s voice was quiet, and Hanzo startled as he felt a gentle touch against his arm. Cybernetic fingers brushed his sleeve before curling around his bicep. The contact made Hanzo nearly flinch, he couldn’t remember the last time anyone had gotten close enough to touch him. He was torn between panic and leaning into the contact, the difference between the instinct he’d developed and human nature. Genji seemed to notice how tense Hanzo had gotten though and was quick to withdraw. 

“Thank you.” Hanzo’s voice was a bit strained as he cleared his throat, glancing away to reach out and smooth out a stray piece of fur on one of the wolves. His hand was shaking visibly, but he hoped Genji didn’t notice. The anxiety had amplified as Hanzo realized he had no idea what he was doing. He hadn’t thought about it enough had he? He was rushing into something without knowing what he was getting into. Without Hanzo’s knowledge the tremor spread from his hands until he was shaking like a leaf. But when he did notice, he grit his teeth, folding trembling hands in his lap and bowing his head as he drew a slow breath, struggling to calm himself from the panic that threatened to choke him. 

“You’re sure you’re alright Hanzo?” Genji’s tone was laced with concern, and Hanzo caught the sight of his brother moving closer from the corner of half-closed eyes. Hanzo managed a weak nod as he swallowed down another breath. His mind was reeling, he just had to get it under control. That was all. As soon as he did that he’d relax a bit. But he didn’t know how. Every time he tried to dismiss a worry three more would crop up in their place. The feeling of dread and panic just amplified, making things worse as Hanzo hunched in on himself. It was miserable, he felt like he was overreacting and not thinking enough into all of the what-if’s at the same exact time. 

“Hanzo, listen to me-” Hanzo could barely grip onto the words out of Genji’s mouth, lifting a hand to press to his chest. It felt like someone had dropped a weight onto his ribcage, inhibiting his breathing. The inability to breathe didn’t help him calm down at all. 

“Hey, look at me, Hanzo you need to breathe.” Genji’s tone was soothing, gentle as the younger man reached out hesitantly, a hand brushing against Hanzo’s. It had the hunter snapping back, his entire body recoiling violently. The sudden movement caused him to hit his head hard on the wall, a wince following as he curled his hands closer to himself, pressing to his chest. 

Genji offered a quiet apology, and Hanzo didn’t hear much more of what he said. But eventually the feeling of distress ebbed, leaving Hanzo feeling drained and miserable. It didn’t help his view on what he was doing much, but distress had given way to empty self-doubt and the resurgence of guilt in the wake of panic. 

Silence settled once more as Hanzo tilted his head back against the wall, not looking at his brother. Instead he let his eyes drop closed, exhaustion painted over his face. Doubts swirled through him restlessly, scrambling for real holds on his mind and shoving each other out of the way, vying for the spotlight in Hanzo’s mind. Every moment brought a new thing for him to worry about. Each cycling through before being replaced by something else. 

Finally though, what felt like an eternity later, after long hours of travel, the ship touched down. Hanzo’s stomach lurched with nerves more than the descent. He didn’t know how he was expected to act, but he was already twitching for his knife, and suddenly he was very glad he’d unstrung his bow. Hanzo knew he had been set on edge enough he would have gone for the weapon at the slightest discomfort. 

It took him a minute to stand again, and in the process he completely ignored the hand Genji offered, still not meeting his brother’s eyes. He didn’t want to risk the touch and more potential panic. Instead once he was up he stooped to get one of the wolves. 

Getting into the base was a flurry of activity that Hanzo hated every second of. The wolves were whisked away, making his anxiety spike again. Genji’s promise that he’d be able to see them again in a bit did nothing to soothe his nerves. But Hanzo grudgingly allowed himself to be coaxed into what he assumed was once a conference room. And it was there that he was asked to wait until further notice. 

Being apart from the wolves didn’t help with Hanzo’s mental state, and when the door swung open finally he jolted, gaze flickering up warily. Thankfully Genji had shown up with the other agent. And that at least had Hanzo relaxing slightly as he was questioned. 

It wasn’t anything he didn’t expect, questions about his intentions and his background, possible affiliations. All manner of things like that. Hanzo didn’t like answering a lot of them though, he hated giving information about himself unless he could absolutely trust whoever he was talking to. Genji was no exception and neither was the agent he spoke with. But eventually he was deemed safe enough to be allowed around base, no holding period needed. It was a surprisingly quick affair, and before long he was stepping out of the office with Genji by his side. 

“Would you like me to show you around?” The question was curious, and had Hanzo glancing at Genji as they stepped into the hallway. Hanzo shook his head quietly, no, he didn’t want to see the compound. He wanted to be sure his companions were ok. It was the longest time he’d been apart from them since he’d ran across them. Aside from times when they were a good distance away but they would come when called. 

“You want to go see them don’t you?” Genji’s sigh was evident, but the statement earned a nod from Hanzo. He did, he would have much preferred that. Genji just gestured for his brother to follow him and headed down one of the halls. Hanzo trailed after, trying not to focus on the closed-in feeling that came with being indoors. For the past several years he’d been dealing with open terrain, no shelters beyond the occasional cave. And even then he didn’t like them much. The bleak halls of the Overwatch headquarters made him uneasy. They seemed to press in, threatening to trap him. Hanzo hated it. 

He was too distracted dwelling on the thought of enclosed spaces that he nearly didn’t notice when Genji paused to tap on a door. He paused behind his brother, waiting quietly as he looked around again, harsh artificial lights were starting to give him a headache. But that was the least of his worries. After a moment the door slid open to reveal a somewhat ruffled looking blond woman. Words were passed between her and Genji, but Hanzo wasn’t paying attention, his eyes roamed the hallway, picking out escape routes out of instinct. 

Meaning he startled when his brother nudged him, eyes snapping back to the pair in the doorway and falling on the blond woman as she gestured for the pair to follow them. She held a large translucent pad that gave off a blue light, tapping at it as Hanzo and Genji were led into a whole new area. It was there that Hanzo got to see his companions again. The two were curled around each other, pressed into the furthest corner of the room from the door. The sight broke Hanzo’s heart, and as soon as he was allowed inside the room he pushed the door open quickly. 

Ears immediately snapped up and heads turned, initially hostile. But as soon as the pair caught sight of Hanzo they were scrambling over each other, unable to find purchase on tile floors before nearly tackling Hanzo. He seemed to relax immediately as the two circled him, jumping up to snuffle at his face before he moved to sit. They piled on top of him immediately, allowing him to wrap his arms around one of the pair, resting his cheek against the back of the wolf’s neck as he dug his fingers into soft fur. The three finally stilled after the initial reunion, and Hanzo let out a low sigh of relief as he settled with both of his companions. It was only then that his anxieties seemed to fade a bit, unimportant compared to having the two close once again. 

He’d been told they were being held for the night for some medical reason, but he planned to stay with them as well, there was no way he’d let them sit in some sort of cell alone all night, and he’d sleep on the floor if needed, he’d slept on more uncomfortable surfaces. 

A nose was nudged against his stomach, paw coming up to push against his thigh. The second one of his companions demanding his attention. Hanzo dropped an arm to pet over soft ears and thick fur easily as he got his bearings. Though at the sound of the door sliding open, he finally opened his eyes once more and eyed Genji warily. The cyborg leaned against the doorframe as he eyed the trio sitting in the middle of the floor. 

“I take it you’ll be spending the night with them?” Genji asked quietly, Hanzo didn’t even hesitate before nodding against his companion’s fur. Genji glanced back into the relative dark of the next room, giving the woman before a nod before he turned back to Hanzo. 

“Well, I’ll come see you tomorrow then? It’s late, you should rest. I can have someone bring you bedding.” Genji offered. Hanzo shrugged, he didn’t care. He hadn’t used covers in years. 

“I’ll be alright like this.” He shook his head. It was Genji’s turn to shrug as one of the wolves lifted their head to eye the cyborg uneasily. A scratch from Hanzo though and the wolf relaxed, head flopping heavy against Hanzo’s shoulder once more. 

“Ok, if you change your mind you can leave any time, the door isn’t locked.” Genji added. And with that the cyborg was gone. The door hissed shut behind him and Hanzo relaxed again. He’d be alright as long as he had the wolves with him, he was sure of it. That much he could handle, and it had him relaxing more as he took a moment to wind down before getting the wolves to re-adjust so they could all pile together and sleep. 

Rest didn’t come easy under the harsh lighting, even if it was a bit dimmed for the night. But eventually exhaustion claimed Hanzo, and he was out for the count.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you guys signed up for McHanzo but there'll be more McCree in the next chapter I swear! Hanzo's just gotta get settled in a bit first. 
> 
> As always, feel free to leave feedback or ideas in the comments, I always love hearing your thoughts on my stuff!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I promised y'all some more McCree in this chapter, and I don't typically back down on promises so have some cowboy.

Hanzo hated the base. With a passion. He knew he wasn’t the only one made uncomfortable by the lack of windows in most hallways, the cramped spaces. Even his room bothered him. The windows always had to be thrown open as wide as possible, and Hanzo had completely removed the curtains. It made the room seem just a bit more open, and let air circulate so it smelled like the outdoors instead of the stuffy filtered air of the base. No matter how much the vents worked they couldn’t work out the fresh air that swirled through Hanzo’s room most of the time. 

He ended up pushing his furniture around to adjust to the windows as well, keeping his bed tucked into one corner under one. The other was occupied by the chair that was in his room, so if he wanted to do anything inside he could do it there instead of sitting in the middle of a closed room. 

Still despite the fresh air sometimes things did get to him. Hanzo felt trapped in the base most of the time, and it didn’t take him more than two days before he knew all routes outside and to the roof from his room. He couldn’t keep still anyways so it wasn’t often that he was in his room, except to sleep. And even then sometimes he and the wolves would doze off outside. Other times sleep didn’t come so easily. 

For some reason, as soon as Hanzo was confined within the Overwatch base his nightmares returned in force. They were images that had followed him since he left the Shimada estates, before he’d escaped completely. Perhaps the reason they stopped was because exhaustion typically ruled his sleep schedule, and he never had energy for dreams. But with nothing to do around Overwatch’s base he was left to sleep at normal human hours and suffered for it. 

Meaning he came to dread any time he turned in, even if the wolves curled around him in bed. And that night was no different. Hanzo had waited until ungodly hours of the night to even attempt sleep, letting himself tire considerably. He was sure that no nightmares would claw at him if he kept draining himself so much. 

He was very, very wrong. 

Once sleep finally claimed him, Hanzo was out for a while before gruesome images started to encroach on his sleep. The scream of a man as a blade ripped down through flesh, severing the tie between a human and spirit dragon, incapacitating to make for an easier kill. The sword had made quick work of fabric and muscle. Not only did the kiss of steel revoke the ability to defend oneself with supernatural means but it severed muscle and tendons, rendering a shoulder useless and rattling against a ribcage. 

The memory of the fight was twisted, stained red with Genji’s blood and echoing with his screams. Memories were retrieved to remind Hanzo of how he’d been practically painted with his brother’s lifeblood as it dripped down the blade in his hands. How he’d gone after Genji without a shred of mercy, cut his own brother from collar to hip, a grotesque mirror of the strike to his back, spilling blood and freeing vital organs from a split open ribcage. With a blade so sharp Hanzo had found it required startlingly little effort to cleave deep slashes into Genji’s body.

As if it hadn’t been enough he could feel the slump of Genji’s body against his own as the sword slipped easily between ribs, running through lungs and tissue. Hanzo had felt his brother’s blood soak his clothing, had seen the moment when the life faded out of Genji entirely. 

Hanzo woke with a jerk, bile rising in his throat, the feeling of hot blood against his skin stayed with him. It wasn’t shaken as easily as sleep, and it was making Hanzo sick. Guilt and plain disgust churned in his gut and it had him pushing himself up out of bed. The movement was met with sharp yelps as wolves spilled off of the bed in his wake and Hanzo rushed to the bathroom. 

Emptying his stomach contents into the toilet didn’t do much to ease the nausea still gripping at him. It kept Hanzo rooted to the floor as he struggled to calm himself. The click of claws against the floor happened to be the only indicator he wasn’t completely alone as two pairs of paws trailed after him. 

Hanzo’s hair hung loose around his face, not tied back as it usually was as he caught his breath. The archer took a moment to lean back against the cabinet under the sink as the two wolves squeezed past each other to sniff at Hanzo. His state was met with concerned whines and cold noses against skin hot from sleep and distress. The feeling of blood clotting and drying against his skin was finally fading, soothed away by quiet snuffles and one of the wolves licking his face in an attempt to ease troubles. It took a moment for Hanzo to start responding properly to the attention of the pair, still trying to shake the memories. But eventually he moved. 

Hands found fur and weight was pressed down on Hanzo as both wolves piled on top of him, adjusting to their liking as they both licked at his hands and face. Eventually the air stilled, breathing evened out, and Hanzo managed to calm his racing heart. The nausea didn’t fade though, threatening to send him retching again as he shifted, uncomfortable under the weight of the two canines. Dense muscle and thick fur didn’t make a light animal. 

Eventually, slowly, Hanzo nudged both of the wolves off. And it was then that he pushed himself to his feet and ducked back into his room. The two trailed close after him, still intent on making sure their caretaker was alright. Hanzo let them follow as he rummaged in his closet for a warm enough shirt to go outside. He was thankful that Genji had thought enough to help him pick out some actual clothing. It meant he actually had other things other than what he’d had with him for what felt like an eternity. No more patching and mending. Even if soft fabric felt weird draped against scarred skin. He left the top untied as tying it around the waist didn’t seem like a good option when it came to dealing with nausea. 

Once he’d put a shirt on Hanzo was quick to slip out of his room. The halls were dimly lit for the night but they still pressed in on him. His footsteps made barely any sound against tile, but the wolves’ claws clattered loudly, disturbing silence and making Hanzo wince. They were much quieter creatures when they were on grass. But Hanzo pushed the thoughts aside, instead focusing on the fastest route out of the base. It led them out to the roof, wolves struggled a bit with stairs, but Hanzo waited for them. And before long they came out in the crisp night air. Hanzo could finally take an easy breath as the night sky greeted them. 

The archer was quick to find a place to sit, letting the wolves settle around him as he closed his eyes and focused on breathing. 

Memories were gruesome when it came to what had happened between him and Genji. They were wrought with pain and the guilt that threatened to swallow Hanzo. He and his brother still hadn’t talked, and Hanzo didn’t know if they should, if just being around Genji set Hanzo off with all sorts of anxiety and remorse. He needed to get a handle on himself. It seemed to be easier said than done though. And Hanzo seemed to be having trouble calming himself down over just a nightmare. 

It was easier when he stepped out of the base though. He could breathe, there were no walls pressing in on him. And the warmth of one of the wolves curling around him soothed Hanzo greatly. The other wolf laid his head in Hanzo’s lap, allowing deft fingers to curl through coarse fur as Hanzo ground himself between the two. He was starting to wonder who needed who more. As he relied a lot on the wolves when he was upset. 

Slowly Hanzo’s tensions started to ease, shoulders slowly relaxing, breathing evening, nausea subsiding. The sky above was welcoming, cold light of stars and moon washing over exposed skin and the inert forms of the wolves. The natural lighting was familiar though letting Hanzo relax into the atmosphere. Unlike the artificial lights, the stars provided the right kind of coldness.

The quiet of the roof provided some much needed solace. But Hanzo was startled by the sound of a door opening, the tension pulling his shoulders up, eyes snapping around to fall on the door he’d come out of. Another figure stepped out, familiar. It was Jesse. The sight had him relaxing, if only slightly. Light from the stars caught against Jesse’s hair and some of his features, but from a distance it was hard to see. Hanzo could tell he’d been seen though, dropping his eyes to the drowsy wolf in his lap. 

“You’re up late.” The comment came from the cowboy, cautious in its curiosity. Hanzo offered no more than a shrug. It was an astute observation, but also an obvious one. Jesse was up late as well, and yet Hanzo hadn’t commented on that. 

“Somethin’ botherin’ you?” The drawl was still a bit slow, and it was obvious that the other man was thinking on what he was saying as he approached cautiously. Hanzo eyed Jesse, but didn’t lift his head. He considered the question for a long moment before shaking his head. Hanzo know that above all else he didn’t owe anyone an explanation for what he was doing. Some would consider it just Hanzo closing himself off, but he considered it simply smart. With fewer connections he had a lower risk of getting attached, of hurting someone else again. 

“Well, you mind if I join you for a bit? I need a smoke.” There was a warm tone in Jesse’s voice that Hanzo couldn’t place. After another momentary pause, Hanzo offered a tentative nod. He didn’t mind if Jesse smoked. His eyes still followed the cowboy as Jesse settled next to him. Hanzo was thankful that the man kept enough distance that Hanzo could still breathe around him. It seemed almost as if Jesse could understand Hanzo’s unease and kept it in mind. 

Hanzo dropped his eyes again, letting the air fall quiet. Though not silent, as it was quickly interrupted with the snap of a lighter and the crackle of a cigar being lit. The warm glow of the flame from the lighter, and the embers from the cigar broke the cold light of the stars. The pair sat in silence for a bit, smoke snaking up through the night air as Jesse smoked. Occasionally one of the wolves would shift, making Hanzo move as well. But eventually the cowboy spoke up. 

“If you don’t mind my askin’, how’re you three holdin’ up? Settlin’ in ok?” Jesse’s low drawl drew Hanzo’s attention again. The archer shrugged at the question before finally opening his mouth to offer a verbal response. 

“I don’t like it. It’s too confined.” Hanzo shook his head slightly, nose wrinkling, twisting sharp features. There was a slight shuffle of fabric as Jesse adjusted the heavy cloth tossed around his shoulders. 

“But, we’re here. I suppose I must adjust.” He didn’t like that either. And it was just a fact. Perhaps that was the only reason he shared with Jesse. Though he couldn’t deny that he found himself relaxing more around the other man than anyone else. Perhaps it was because they’d once been more than just friends. He’d been unable to remember much more than fragments of their relationship. But instinct remained, and that still did a bit more than Hanzo expected. 

“I get where you’re comin’ from. I had the same issue when I joined up. ‘Cept maybe not so bad. Seein’ as runnin’ with a gang ain’t as lonely as runnin’ with wolves in the middle of nowhere.” Hanzo glanced up to see Jesse’s eyes weren’t even on him. The glow off the other man’s lit cigar reflected on his features, illuminating the lazy curve of Jesse’s mouth. Dramatic shadows accentuated the dark circles under Jesse’s eyes, and the smile lines against the corners of his eyes. Red reflected in brown eyes, and Hanzo caught himself staring for a moment before he responded. 

“It doesn’t sound similar at all.” A gang in a populated area was much different than being completely alone in the wild. At least Jesse had been around other human beings. Hanzo had been totally isolated, with no human contact and no companion until several years in. 

“Well, not when you think of it just as a gang. I’m talkin’ the headspace that came with all that. I was used to doin’ whatever, roamin’ around, never stayed in one place too long. I was left to fend for myself most’a the time. That kind of mind sticks with you, ‘n Blackwatch kinda fucked me over.” Jesse shrugged, eyes finally landing on Hanzo. The archer squirmed a bit under the other man’s curious gaze. When Jesse put it that way it was a bit easier to understand where Jesse was coming from. 

“It’s just real hard to adjust to goin’ from havin’ nobody, to havin’ a whole base full’a people who wanna see you get back on your feet.” Jesse’s voice dropped a bit, softening as he shifted in his spot, taking another long drag off of his cigar. 

Hanzo didn’t offer a reply to that. He doubted people cared for him like they had for Jesse. The other man had a warm personality, charisma. Hanzo had neither of those things, paired with the fact that he’d done unspeakable things. It just didn’t make for the best impression when it came for others and how much they cared. Hanzo knew humans didn’t often gravitate towards hostility and someone who’d likely put an arrow in anyone that startled them. 

“I know you probably don’t believe it comin’ from me but really, people ‘round here wanna see you doin’ better. Your brother in particular.” The mention of Genji had Hanzo stiffening, curling in on himself a bit as he dropped his eyes back to the wolf’s head in his lap, asleep like the other. 

“Nonsense. Anyone with a functioning mind would never wish anything but misfortunes on someone who tried to kill them, and destroyed their body beyond recognition.” Hanzo muttered, a frown creasing his features at the thought. He still couldn’t believe that Genji even wanted him around. His brother had made an effort to talk to Hanzo every now and then since Hanzo showed up, but he couldn’t grasp why. 

“I’m not gonna argue with you Hanzo, but I’ve known Genji for years. He’s really made peace with what happened.” Jesse protested a bit. Hanzo didn’t believe Jesse in the slightest when he said that, but he could definitely tell that Jesse must have known what had happened between them, the blood spilled. Hanzo never would have lied about what he’d done, but the fact that Jesse already knew stung a bit. And yet, Jesse had approached him anyways. Even if he knew what kind of disgusting waste of carbon Hanzo was. 

Hanzo just fell silent after that, not looking at Jesse as the quiet stretched out. Though, the quiet wasn’t unbearable with Jesse there, the awkwardness faded after a few moments. Instead replaced with companionable silence. Hanzo wasn’t exactly at ease. But he was comfortable enough not to be twitchy any time Jesse moved. Which was a miracle in itself. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Jesse finally broke the silence. It had Hanzo blinking, looking up at the other man as Jesse took a final drag off his cigar before he crushed the stub out against the roof, exhaling a cloud of smoke with a sigh. 

“If you must.” A faint scowl colored Hanzo’s features at that. He didn’t like being asked questions and Jesse had already asked one. But Hanzo knew it’d probably be best if he at least listened to the question, even if he didn’t answer. 

“Why even come back if you hate it so much?” The question was quiet, more curious than accusing. Hanzo drew a blank at that though. The more he thought about why he’d returned the less reason he realized he had. It had been a snap judgement. Not enough thought was put into it and Hanzo was starting to regret it more and more as he realized how much human contact bothered him. That wasn’t even starting in on how much physical contact bothered him. It wasn’t human to be like that, Hanzo knew that much. But he couldn’t help the paranoia that ruled most of his mind. 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t wanna, by the way. Hell just tell me to get lost if I’m botherin’ you.” Jesse shrugged, Hanzo could feel the other man’s eyes leave him, presumably looking out at where the ocean hissed against the cliffs. Hanzo nodded at that though, he didn’t want to answer the question. Even to himself. But he wasn’t bothered by Jesse, as long as the other man wasn’t prying. From what Hanzo could remember though, Jesse didn’t pry, nor did he need to fill empty air with needless conversation. Hanzo appreciated it. And his appreciation may not have shown a lot, but it appeared in how he slowly relaxed around Jesse. More so than before. Even the wolves were relaxed around the cowboy and his easygoing demeanor. 

Hanzo hadn’t considered getting close to any other humans but perhaps if he was going to have to re-introduce himself into society, Jesse would be a good person to start with. It sounded like they had more in common than Hanzo remembered. Granted, he wasn’t going to start spilling all of his anxieties to Jesse just because the other man may have been able to understand his need for solitude. But if he had to be around people he would have rather dealt with Jesse than someone who was going to ask too many questions or talk at him. 

The companionable silence was nice though. It served to help ease Hanzo’s nerves a bit more even. He was content to settle there with Jesse for a bit. One of the things Hanzo had to give Jesse credit for was how understanding the american was. He just… got some things. He seemed to know Hanzo was uncomfortable with getting close to people without even asking, he seemed to understand that sometimes silence was alright. Hanzo appreciated it more than he’d admit. Jesse didn’t ask questions, and when he did he never got upset if no answer came. So Hanzo was fine with taking a moment to just breathe the night air, letting himself relax into the rhythm of the waves hitting the cliffs. 

It was when Hanzo glanced over at Jesse again that he noticed something, peeking out of the top of Jesse’s tee shirt was a strip of gold. It was too dark to spot a pattern but the shine of silk was evident under the starlight. It had Hanzo’s eyes lingering on it, a scowl of confusion crossing his features as he wondered why Jesse would wear something so delicate. Memories escaped him, slipping through cracks in his mind ad Hanzo eyed the silk and where a knot in it showed through Jesse’s shirt. 

Hanzo pulled his eyes away abruptly when Jesse turned to look at him again, and Hanzo could feel the heat of embarrassment and humiliation rising in his cheeks. He hated being caught staring more than he ever had. 

“Lookin’ for somethin’?” There was a smile in Jesse’s voice, and Hanzo chanced a glance at Jesse to see a light smirk across his features. Jesse usually looked smug, it was just his resting expression, but that only served to make him look even more smug. Hanzo shook his head though, before clearing his throat a bit as he toyed with bits of the wolf’s fur in his lap. 

“Where did you get that?” Hanzo’s eyes dropped to the ribbon around Jesse’s neck. The cowboy’s smirk dropped, replaced with surprise as he blinked and let his gaze dip to follow Hanzo’s. The american faltered when he caught on, lifting a hand to where the knot in the ribbon showed through his shirt before he pulled the ribbon from under his shirt completely. 

“You gave it to me, I’m-” Jesse cut himself off, shaking his head as broad shoulders sagged a bit. 

“‘M sorry, I can take it off if you want.” The cowboy cleared his throat a bit, glancing away. Though Hanzo wondered why he’d take it off, head tilting slightly in curiosity as he shifted just a bit closer, trying to get a better look at the silk around Jesse’s neck. 

“When did I give that to you? I don’t remember.” He frowned. It seemed like something he’d remember, especially with the type of relationship he and Jesse had before Jesse had left. Hanzo could remember some of that, but not too much. It only served to offer another reason for Hanzo to feel guilty and like he’d let someone down monumentally. He caught when Jesse looked at him sometimes, and sometimes the looks were something to think about. For the moment though, it seemed to be Jesse’s turn to be quiet. 

“The day I left, you insisted I took it. I guess I just took to keepin’ it close, reminded me of you.” Jesse shrugged, not looking up to meet Hanzo’s eyes. Though Hanzo seemed to soften a bit at that. It was sweet. Hanzo had never thought anyone would ever have been that devoted to remembering him, or would have wanted to keep a piece of him close like that. So the concept was near foreign. It had been years and yet still Jesse wore it, Hanzo wasn’t sure what to think of that kind of devotion. Hell it actually scared him a bit. The idea that someone could care about him like that was terrifying. 

“But yeah I can give it back or somethin’ if it-” Jesse’s words died in his throat as Hanzo reached out to snag the ribbon, not tugging on it but rubbing the fabric between his thumb and forefinger thoughtfully. He was careful to touch Jesse as little as possible, but brushed his knuckles against the curve of Jesse’s neck lightly even despite his efforts. It was impossible not to notice how warm Jesse’s skin was. Hanzo’s eyes lingered on the hair ribbon, picking out spots where the silk had worn, presumably thanks to idle hands or nerves. 

He could feel Jesse’s eyes on him though, and nearly hesitated to look up again and meet them. Jesse’s expression was torn between embarrassment, hope and something else Hanzo still couldn’t place. Hanzo finally withdrew, dropping his eyes first as he let the ribbon fall back against Jesse’s shirt. 

“Keep it, if it means something to you.” Hanzo shrugged quietly, clearing his throat and turning to look out at the ocean again. Hanzo felt as if he should have said more, offered Jesse some kind of explanation of why he hadn’t immediately returned to the other man. There were a lot of reasons but the main ones were a tie between the memories being so distant that they felt made up, meaning he remembered next to nothing about Jesse’s personality. And also the fact that he was in no place to even speak to anyone for an extended length of time. Let alone form a relationship with them. He just hoped Jesse would understand without needing to be told. 

“Thanks.” The remark was quiet as Jesse tucked the ribbon back into his shirt, eyes remaining down for the moment. Hanzo risked a couple glances at the other man but didn’t do much else. The air between them was a bit awkward after that, mostly because Jesse’s embarrassment was near palpable. Hanzo just wasn’t sure what to say to ease it. But eventually it faded, and the silence cleared of nerves once more. Both of them seemed to be thinking of something to say at that point. Hanzo wanted to say something but couldn’t tell what, and by the way Jesse fidgeted, there was obviously something on his mind. 

“If you, uh- if you ever wanna talk to anyone by the way, I’m only a couple rooms down from you.” Jesse didn’t look at Hanzo as he spoke, fingers running over the ridges of his prosthetic absently. It was a nice offer, but Hanzo doubted he’d take it. He didn’t want to trouble anyone with his stupid issues, his problems with things humans never should have had problems with. His issues were miniscule, Hanzo was sure of that. Anyone who heard what ate at him would scoff at him for overreacting. He was sure of it. But instead of telling Jesse he’d likely never take him up on that offer, he just offered a quiet nod. 

“Just makin’ sure you know, my door’s always open anyhow.” Jesse murmured, shifting a bit to face Hanzo more. The distance between them had closed a bit, so Hanzo could nearly feel the warmth coming off of Jesse. It was almost comforting, a reminder that Jesse was there without any contact or anything of the sort. 

“Thank you.” Hanzo offered a slight nod, he knew that he was supposed to thank Jesse for that. And of course he was touched by the offer, he just didn’t think he’d ever take Jesse up on that. Though his gaze ended up falling on Jesse’s arm, the one that caught and reflected the moonlight. When he’d known Jesse, one of the few things he could remember was the fact that Jesse definitely had both arms in tact. Hanzo kept his hands where they were, but part of him wanted to reach out, run fingers over the curves and edges of the prosthetic. It didn’t appear to be as advanced as his brother’s reconstruction, but it was still a marvel of engineering. Hanzo would guess it was older, cheaper than most prosthetics that could be seen around those days. 

He blinked a bit when Jesse extended the prosthetic to him with a bit of a raised eyebrow. Apparently he’d been caught staring, and the other man offered his hand, palm up and fingers curling slightly, at rest. 

“Go ahead and touch if you wanna, I don’t mind.” Hanzo looked up to see a warm smile playing on Jesse’s features, before looking back to the offered hand. He hesitated for a long moment, unsure if the contact would mess with him. But eventually he gingerly reached out to brush curious fingers over a metal wrist. He paused slightly upon feeling cool metal, he’d expected temperature regulators to keep the limb the same temperature as McCree, but the metal was as cold as the night air. 

Perhaps the absence of warmth was what had Hanzo not pulling away. Quietly he traced over the lines of where metal plates fit together, frowning and faltering slightly before deft fingers slid over Jesse’s palm, just feeling out the contours of the prosthetic. With just cool metal under his hand it didn’t really feel like he was touching a person. Hanzo knew the thought was awful, he was in fact touching Jesse, just the part of him that wasn’t flesh. But he was more focused on the fact that the contact didn’t make him want to flinch away and be sick. 

“How did this happen?” He eventually asked, curious. Hanzo had no idea how Jesse could have lost a limb. There were too many ways it could have happened for him to be able to pinpoint one. And Hanzo turned his eyes up to Jesse as he flattened his hand against the sectioned palm without thinking, fingers grazing against Jesse’s. 

“Aw, that? Happened back when I was in Blackwatch. Explosion took down a place we were fightin’ in. I got my arm pinned half-under some metal beam that fell on it. Reyes had to hack the thing off to get us outta there before the whole thing blew to hell.” Jesse made a face and Hanzo’s gaze dropped again, tracing his hand back down over the tube that ran from where the prosthetic joined Jesse’s flesh to his wrist. 

“That’s… horrible.” Hanzo murmured, frown creasing his features as he brushed his thumb over the plates of smooth metal. He didn’t know why he lingered so much, it probably should have been more awkward. But oddly enough he was enjoying the company, and the contact even. It was nice to be able to be close to someone without actually touching skin to skin, or skin to fabric. Anything of the sort. Humans were too touchy for Hanzo’s liking. But the cowboy’s presence was quiet, comforting almost. It was different enough from others that Hanzo didn’t find himself recoiling at the other man being close enough that he could have reached out and touched the archer if he desired.

“Yeah, but that’s life y’know. We all deal with rough shit. Guess I’m just used to it at this point.” Metal fingers flexed instinctively, startling Hanzo a bit as he shifted how he sat as best he could. It was hard with the wolf’s head and shoulders heavy across his legs. 

“Can you, feel anything with this?” Hanzo’s voice remained quiet, but grew a bit more curious. He’d found something to focus on that wasn’t his past or trying to combat his own mind, and it was starting to show a bit. He could feel Jesse’s eyes on him still as he brought his other hand up, brushing over the back of Jesse’s hand. 

“Yeah, mostly only in the hand’n all, I’ve got no damn clue how they work but I can pick up sensations there. Couldn’t when I first got this fitted, but the engineers put ‘em in after I kept breakin’ shit cause I couldn’t tell my hand was on it.” Jesse’s low chuckle didn’t pull a smile from Hanzo, but the archer nodded quietly. That much made sense. Hanzo only lingered for a moment longer before he pulled away entirely. 

“That not freak you out?” The question from Jesse surprised Hanzo, and the archer hesitated a bit, blinking before he shook his head. No it didn’t actually. Though the sight of a warm smile from Jesse had Hanzo looking away, not sure how to react. He wasn’t sure what Jesse expected out of him. But he was glad the other man seemed fine with letting Hanzo be… odd. 

“Well shucks, never thought this old thing would be good for much else’n pickin’ shit up. Good to know though. Genji told me you just about had a panic attack when he touched you on the way back.” Jesse’s voice softened a bit as he pulled his arm back to fold his hands in his lap. Hanzo gave a low huff at that, of course his brother had told Jesse about the episode. Hanzo hoped it would go without being shared but apparently he was wrong. 

“You should get some sleep though, it’s late Hanzo.” Jesse pointed out. He didn’t reach out to Hanzo but he shifted a bit as if he wanted to. Hanzo shrugged, turning his gaze back to the wolves that either wrapped around him or laid partially on top of him. 

“I will be fine. Should you not be sleeping yourself?” Hanzo turned the comment back on Jesse. He didn’t want to go back to sleep, the nightmares would come back, he was sure of it. But the suggestion from Jesse had made Hanzo bristle a bit without Hanzo really noticing. 

“Mmhm, nightmares ‘re gettin’ at me too.” Jesse shrugged, sighing a bit as he moved to retrieve a second cigar from his pocket. Hanzo blinked a bit at that. He knew that logically it could be said most people on base, all who had seen war once at least, could be expected to have nightmares. But he’d never thought anyone would so easily pick out what troubled him. 

“No need to tell me what’s gettin’ at you, I get it. Nasty shit, nightmares.” Jesse huffed, shaking his head. Hanzo watched him light the cigar before the other man took a long drag off of it, smoke pouring from his mouth in billows when he exhaled. It was a bit interesting to watch, how Jesse leaned back on his other hand, mechanical fingers gripping the butt of the cigar lightly before he placed it between his teeth to leave it there. 

“Don’t look at me like that, anyone ‘round here knows that when you feel like hell, all’a that gets worse. There’s no way you’re sleepin’ easy while you’re settlin’ in.” The observation had Hanzo pausing. He’d known Jesse was smart, and it made sense logically. But hearing the comment from the other man proved that Jesse may have been better at reading people than Hanzo had even thought. He just offered a quiet nod of agreement as Jesse sighed around the cigar, more wisps of smoke dissolving into the night air as he smoked. 

“You should try to rest though, you’ll feel better for it even if it’s just layin’ down and closin’ your eyes.” Jesse added, looking at Hanzo out of the corner of his eye. He was met with a deep frown as Hanzo shrugged. He would likely fall asleep at that. Not only that but he was sure that being more productive with his time was a better idea. 

“Trust me, years of rampant insomnia’ll teach you how to make the most of what you can do.” Jesse added, as if he could tell Hanzo was doubting the advice. Hanzo didn’t know how to respond to that, giving a quiet huff at that. Jesse just shrugged that time around, letting the silence encroach as they both relaxed. 

Once he’d finished his second cigar though, he sighed and moved to push himself up to his feet with a low grunt as his spine cracked loudly in protest. Hanzo looked up to see Jesse stretching, making a face as he shifted his weight on his feet. The other man really was tall, it was made only more evident by Hanzo’s seat on the ground as he eyed the cowboy. 

“Well, I’m gonna get back inside, see if I can sleep some more. Get some rest.” Jesse sighed, gaze verging down to land on Hanzo. The archer ended up just offering a nod to placate the other man a bit. He likely wouldn’t, but if Jesse believed he would it would probably be better. 

Jesse gave a satisfied nod of his own at that, offering Hanzo a smile and a half-salute before he turned to wander off back inside. Hanzo glanced after him, before hearing the door back inside shut behind Jesse. 

He was left with a lot to think about after that encounter though. And Hanzo wasn’t even sure if he wanted to think about any of it. Instead he pushed thoughts from his mind in favor of enjoying the calm that had settled over him in the wake of Jesse’s visit. 

Perhaps that in itself was something to think on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyways there's some McCree for all of you, don't mind me as I try to do some Symbolic Shit with lighting 'n garbage. Either way I've been doing daily stuff but I really just wanted to get everything I'd already given you guys posted so you didn't have to wait on stuff that you'd already read. But this chapter was a different take on another old one. As you probably noticed I compressed basically the first 5 chapters of the old work into these three + some new stuff y'all haven't seen before. 
> 
> From here on out though, I think I'm gonna shoot for weekly. Probably on the weekends because I have classes and schoolwork to do during the week. (yay) But I'll try to keep them routine!
> 
> That aside, I always love reading comments from any of you! They really brighten my day not gonna lie. So any feedback/suggestions/random observations are totally welcome and encouraged as usual!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this update is a bit early. But I got this done sooner than I planned, and I'm also really excited to tell you guys about something I put together for all of you!
> 
> It's not much but I made an official blog for this fic, if you guys want to you can come send me asks, or just get updates on how the next chapter is coming along. If you guys want it as well I can share other things like how I write certain characters and my writing process, headcannons, etc. 
> 
> Either way go check out the blog here: https://catm-official.tumblr.com/
> 
> There's not much there yet but feel free to send me an ask or follow it if you want to get updates on when I start working on new chapters!

Some nights, no matter how hard Hanzo tried, he couldn’t sleep. On those nights he listened to the wolves breathing easily around him, and watched the spots of moonlight creep slowly across his floor. It wasn’t the best of times, often sleepless nights left him anything but rested, and provided too much time for him to think. More than he needed at least. It was infuriating. Either he couldn’t sleep or he had nightmares. The only good thing about not sleeping was that he wasn’t tormented with such vivid images. Just relatively fuzzy memories washed out by time. 

He reminded himself of that for what felt like the millionth time as he fiddled with the edge of his blankets. Hanzo had given up on watching the slow parade of two rectangles of silver venturing across the floor, and instead fixated on the rough material of his covers. Thanks to the wolves he was relatively trapped, they’d each taken up a spot on either side of him, meaning the blankets couldn’t be moved out from under them without waking at least one. It effectively kept Hanzo in bed, much to his annoyance. 

More than ever though, Hanzo was restless, he needed some way to calm his nerves. But finding anything that he could do without moving would be hard. It was a difficult choice. He didn’t want the wolves to trail after him and wake everyone else with their footsteps, as they had before. But he didn’t want to stay in bed. 

Eventually Hanzo gave up and removed himself from between the two canines. They stirred slightly but remained asleep, giving only groggy rumbling sounds as they shifted around to settle without Hanzo between them. The archer hesitated a moment by the door, eyeing the pair as they squirmed before one bumped it’s nose against the other’s shoulder and was finally still. The brothers were something of a sight, two wolves taking up most of the bed atop rumpled covers. Hanzo only lingered a moment though, before slipping out.

The base was quiet as usual, but Hanzo could hear much more without the wolves trailing after him like noisy ducklings. It was the hum of the lights overhead that bothered him the most though, not the creak of the pipes through the walls every now and then. Or the occasional noise from behind one of the many residential doors in that wing. But other than that, the night was peaceful, and for once Hanzo didn’t immediately seek the outdoors. As he hadn’t been having nightmares he wasn’t desperate for space so much as he was for something to do. He at least needed some tea to hopefully help him relax enough to sleep. 

So it was to the kitchen for him. Hanzo thought a bit as he walked, lingering on the other members of Overwatch. Mostly thoughts on what they must have thought of him or how they saw him. Surely none of them actually thought he belonged in Overwatch. But they left him alone for the most part. He only ever spoke to a few other members. The man he understood to be the previous leader of Overwatch, and a woman around his age, also an original member, and the mother of one of the younger recruits. Hanzo had spoken to them before, and found them both to be tolerable, if not decent company. But he rarely sought company so it didn’t matter much. 

Having been so lost in thought, Hanzo didn’t hear a voice from the kitchen until he’d nearly rounded the corner into the area. He paused a bit, lingering by the wall with a frown. Who else was up? He listened to the quiet voice, recognizing Jesse’s. But the man wasn’t talking to anyone, he was… singing. The fact had Hanzo blinking slightly, pausing to listen to the soft croon of Jesse’s voice. It was a nice sound, smooth and sweet like the rest of Jesse’s speech, and of course lilted with the cowboy’s easygoing drawl. Listening to it was definitely nice, but Hanzo didn’t really want to lurk. 

He debated silently as he listened to Jesse sing and move around the kitchen. Occasionally he’d hear Jesse falter, singing devolving into muffled humming before the words returned. After the first couple times of hearing that Hanzo realized Jesse was forgetting some of the words. It was, endearing, almost. 

However he was slowly getting more awkward as he hesitated in the hall, and as he heard Jesse pick up a new song, ended up just steeling himself before he stepped into the kitchen properly. 

The lights were on relatively low, and Jesse’s back was to him. It gave Hanzo a good view of a faded graphic tee, the words across the man’s shoulders had been worn mostly off, leaving shadows where patterns had once been. That coupled with pajama pants seemed oddly, domestic. And not the cowboy’s typical attire. Hanzo found himself hesitating again, folding his arms and leaning a shoulder against the wall as Jesse messed with something on the stove, voice dropping a bit in concentration as he lifted a hand to push messy hair back. 

It was when Hanzo cleared his throat quietly that Jesse jumped. Hanzo couldn’t stifle faint amusement as the other man lifted a hand to press to his chest, turning to look over his shoulder at Hanzo. 

“Christ Hanzo, you’re gonna give a man a heart attack, you make any noise when you walk?” Jesse grumbled, shaking his head as he dropped his gaze back to what he was doing. He was stirring something in a pot on the stove, and it had Hanzo wondering what he was doing. 

“Not typically, no. It’s counterproductive for me to make any sound when I move.” Hanzo pointed out dryly as he moved to cross the floor and peer over Jesse’s shoulder. He had to stand on his toes to do so but he got a good look at the soup Jesse was making. It had him raising an eyebrow at the cowboy as Jesse moved to step away. 

“I get that but damn darlin’, I’m tempted to put a bell on you like a damn cat you’re so quiet.” Jesse huffed, moving to lean his hip against the counter as he looked at Hanzo and folded his arms. Hanzo frowned at the idea, and the pet name. Was that intentional? Or had Jesse just slipped up, Hanzo was tempted to ask, but for some reason, didn’t mind it much. 

“That would be… annoying, to say the least.” Hanzo grumbled, he didn’t want anyone to put a bell on him, and didn’t see how it would help at all. It would simply be annoying. 

“It’s a joke Hanzo.” A faint smirk tugged at Jesse’s features, making Hanzo pause before he scoffed slightly. Well maybe he shouldn’t have taken things so literally. But how was he supposed to know when Jesse was joking? He wasn’t anywhere near as good as the cowboy was at reading other people, or their tones. There had been a time when Hanzo could have read a person like a book if he wished, but his observational skills when it came to people had dulled severely over the years. 

“What are you making?” Hanzo deliberately intended to change the subject. And Jesse went with it, stifling a quiet smile with his hand. It was hard to properly hide though, as Hanzo still caught the corners of the other man’s eyes crinkling slightly with the smile. But Jesse moved back to the stove anyways, clearing his throat a bit. 

“Well, my ma used to make the best chicken soup, I’ve just been tryin’ to get it right I guess. It’s been decades and I’m still workin’ on it. But I’m close.” Jesse hummed a bit. Hanzo saw the wistful look that crossed Jesse’s face, before a faint look of sadness took over. It had Hanzo a bit concerned. It was obvious that maybe the cowboy was a bit troubled, but he wasn’t sure how to ask if he was. 

“Why cook at-” Hanzo paused and looked to the clock, before making a face as he folded his arms over his chest, hoping to ward off the chill of the kitchen. 

“- half past one?” His eyes followed Jesse as the other man moved back from what he was doing again. Jesse met his eyes before shrugging and looking away. When Hanzo was looking for it he could see the other man’s relaxed look falter a bit, just the slight shift of his brows, the corner of his mouth pulling slightly down. It was a subtle change but it was there, and it was enough to have Hanzo wanting to know more. He wasn’t sure he could help, but Jesse had already offered him company and a distraction before so he figured he could at least return the favor. 

“It ain’t a big deal Hanzo, I’m obviously not the only one up at this hour anyways.” Jesse nodded to him and Hanzo rolled his eyes. Of course he was up, hadn’t Jesse realized at that point that Hanzo rarely slept? He’d pointed out the dark circles that always seemed to be seated under the archer’s eyes. So Hanzo figured that much was fairly obvious. 

“I rarely sleep, cow man. It’s nothing new. But even you are usually in your room if you’re awake.” A faint frown shadowed Hanzo’s features, instead of his usual apathetic look as he eyed Jesse. He watched the other man’s shoulders pull at the fabric of the old shirt as he shrugged, tugging it tighter across his chest before his shoulders fell again. 

“What, am I not allowed to wander ‘round after midnight now?” It was an attempt at a joke, but Jesse’s weak smile didn’t reach his eyes. Nor did it make Hanzo’s frown falter in the slightest. Instead Hanzo arched an eyebrow at the other man, challenging. He had no idea Jesse could be so closed off, maybe it was something to talk to Genji about but for some reason Hanzo thought Jesse would be more open about what was going on inside his head. Apparently Hanzo was wrong. 

“I simply wanted to know why you chose to cook, of all things at such an hour.” Hanzo persisted a bit, gaze flickering from Jesse to the pot simmering on the stove. Jesse blinked a bit at that question before shrugging again. Hanzo didn’t drop his eyes, just watching the other man as he leaned back against another part of the counter quietly. 

“Keeps my mind offa things is all.” Jesse sighed a bit, frown pulling at his features. Something about Jesse actually looking a bit bothered had Hanzo wanting to help. He wished he could have reached out somehow, done something to ease the other man’s mind. But he had no idea how, or even if he could offer Jesse any sort of comfort at all. As it may have been that Jesse had no interest in opening up to him. But he had to at least try. 

“Things?” Hanzo questioned, watching Jesse’s fingers tap against the counter idly. The metal digits made a distinct clink each time they hit against the stainless steel counter. 

“Just, old memories, nothin’ I wanna go into.” Jesse’s features creased a bit with something Hanzo would call pain. He couldn’t help but soften at the sight, something about seeing the other man upset when he was usually so cheery definitely got to Hanzo. Maybe it shouldn’t have, maybe he should have remained apathetic. But he couldn’t.

“That is understandable.” Hanzo gave a quiet nod. If anyone could understand unpleasant memories it was him. He was sure Jesse’s weren’t as bad but he was sure there was at least something to them. There had to be if they shook the cowboy so much. Hanzo hesitated a bit, watching Jesse’s quiet nod, before he stepped forward and reached out. He was hesitant, nervous, faltering before he laid a tentative hand on Jesse’s arm. The touch was gentle, almost wary as Hanzo’s hand brushed against Jesse’s skin. 

“Would you… Like some company?” The offer was quiet, just as hesitant as Hanzo’s touch. He wasn’t sure what to make of the warm skin under his hand, but it hadn’t made him want to recoil just at that point, so he let himself linger as Jesse’s gaze dropped to Hanzo’s hand, surprised. 

“Sure, sounds like some company could do me a bit’a good right about now.” Jesse’s smile was genuine that time, reassuring Hanzo that he’d made the right choice by reaching out. The archer nodded in response before withdrawing his hand to fold his arms once more. He wasn’t sure how to follow that up though, glancing away and clearing his throat. He’d never been good at offering people comfort, not even when he’d been used to being around people. So maybe he should have thought the offer through more. 

“I was going to make some tea, would you like some as well?” It was probably a stupid question. But it was really the only thing Hanzo could think to say as he raised his eyes again. He was trying, he really was. He just didn’t want to bother Jesse with his presence, and that thought nagged at the back of his mind even after Jesse had expressed a want for his company. The question was met with a bit of surprise though, before Jesse shrugged and nodded. 

“Don’t see why not, s’pose it’s better than the alternative huh?” He flashed a lopsided grin, and Hanzo nodded in agreement. He had a feeling he knew what Jesse was talking about, and couldn’t deny that he’d had those nights himself. But instead of mentioning that he slipped past Jesse to go to one of the cabinets, retrieving tea and a pair of mugs. They fell into a quiet silence as Hanzo set about heating water and fixing a mug of tea for each of them. 

When he set to pouring the hot water over tea bags he was startled by a soft touch against his back. Hanzo froze a bit at that, the slight pressure of Jesse’s hand between his shoulders and the soft rumble of Jesse’s voice behind him. 

“Right behind you darlin’.” It was a quiet head’s up as Hanzo heard a drawer open, glancing back at Jesse. The touch was fleeting though, and soon Jesse had withdrawn, leaving Hanzo a bit jarred. He wasn’t as adverse to the contact as he had been when Genji had put a hand on his arm on the transport, but surprisingly it hadn’t been Jesse’s prosthetic hand either. Either way it didn’t make Hanzo panic or want to dismiss himself from the situation. But it did take him a moment to recover from the surprise of being shocked. Enough so that Jesse noticed the lag in Hanzo’s movements and realized what he’d done. 

“Shit, sorry ‘bout that, you alright?” Hanzo could hear the concern in Jesse’s voice as he glanced up to meet the cowboy’s eyes. He cleared his throat and gave a quiet nod. It was… Surprisingly fine. Hanzo even found himself lingering on the feeling of Jesse’s hand pressed to his back. It was a weird thing to get stuck on but Hanzo was having trouble dismissing the thought. 

“You sure?” Jesse didn’t sound entirely convinced, and Hanzo could hear the guilt edging on Jesse’s tone. The fact that Jesse cared enough to be concerned still surprised Hanzo. But he just gave another firm nod, picking up one of the mugs to hand it to Jesse. 

“I am not made of glass, McCree. It is fine.” Hanzo huffed, not meeting Jesse’s eyes again as the other man accepted the mug quietly. Jesse let out a quiet scoff at Hanzo’s statement though. It earned a sharp glare from the archer. If Jesse truly thought he was some fragile little thing, Hanzo had quite a bit to say to the gunslinger. 

“Hey now, don’t get like that. I never said you were. I’m just concerned ‘bout you is all, that get on your nerves?” Jesse protested. Hanzo huffed again at that, keeping his eyes on his own mug as he snagged it from the counter, thinking. He hated the idea that anyone could care about him. He truly did. It meant that someone couldn’t see what kind of person he was. Anyone who truly knew what kind of harm Hanzo had caused in his life could never truly care about him, not enough to feel bad for possibly setting him off. 

“Don’t be. There’s no need for that.” Hanzo muttered, shaking his head and lifting his mug to his lips. He burned the inside of his mouth with the hot tea, but didn’t show it. Instead he wrapped both hands around the mug and settled for eyeing the grooves between the tiles on the floor. 

“Says who? Everyone’s gotta have someone Hanzo.” Hanzo could hear the scowl tinting Jesse’s voice as he drew his shoulders up in a halfhearted shrug. He didn’t want to go into it. He was supposed to be the one there offering Jesse some comfort for once. It was the least he could do for the cowboy. Which meant keeping Jesse from worrying about anything, let alone his own issues. 

“Enough. I am fine, and that is the end of things, McCree.” Hanzo shot the other man another look. He was met with Jesse’s worried gaze before Jesse gave a tired sigh and shook his head, looking away first. Hanzo was satisfied with that at least, watching Jesse take the soup off the heat with one hand, holding his mug in the other. The silence lingered again before Jesse spoke up. 

“You wanna try any of this?” His eyes flickered to Hanzo, and Hanzo blinked slightly. He was yet again reminding himself that he needed to stop staring whenever he thought. But it took him a moment to respond to the question. 

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to try some.” Hanzo shrugged. He hadn’t eaten anything in hours, and figured it’d be best if he did eat something. That and the offer was nice enough he didn’t think it polite to refuse. Jesse seemed to brighten a bit at that though, before Hanzo watched the other man ladle out two bowls of soup. Hanzo was handed one, and accepted it with a quiet thanks as Jesse covered the pot on the counter once more and moved to sit on one of the bar stools. Hanzo trailed after, taking a seat beside Jesse to poke at his soup with a spoon. 

“Tell me what you think, by the way.” Jesse added, surprising Hanzo a bit as he glanced to the cowboy. He gave an affirmative hum before he settled in to eat quietly. The soup was, in fact, fantastic. If he was pressed for a word for it Hanzo would have had to label it under what western culture called ‘comfort food’. A pretty fitting description, and he told Jesse that. Jesse seemed pleased with it as well, and they fell to a companionable quiet as they ate. Hanzo eventually sat back to savor quiet sips of tea, glancing around the kitchen and eventually landing back on Jesse. It was only another moment before the other man sat back as well. 

“It still ain’t perfect but it’s closer.” Hanzo took a second to realize Jesse meant the soup, giving a quiet nod. He didn’t have anything to compare it to so he couldn’t offer any input of his own. All he knew was that it was good, and definitely easy on the stomach after he hadn’t eaten for the last half of the day and most of the night. Hanzo wasn’t great at taking care of himself, and often forgot to eat when it didn’t include hunting and killing something first. The availability of food still surprised him even after a few weeks of staying on base. 

“Now I just gotta clean up.” Jesse made a face, earning an amused snort from Hanzo. The archer had taken notice of the clutter around the kitchen, a couple of dishes, cutting board, knives. Not to mention the bowls they’d used. 

“I can help clean up if you’d like me to.” Hanzo offered. He didn’t mind the cleanup, and felt he’d end up feeling awkward if he just sat around and watched Jesse clean up. Besides, it seemed to be the least he could do, as he’d helped make some of the mess anyways. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t wanna, but I wouldn’t mind the help.” Jesse shrugged, Hanzo could feel the other man’s eyes on him as he tilted his mug, watching the warm tea slosh around inside. 

“It’s no trouble. I have nothing else to do for the time being.” Hanzo shrugged. He didn’t see why he couldn’t help. He was perfectly capable and there wasn’t much work to do anyways. Jesse gave a quiet nod at that though, both of them sitting in silence for another moment before Jesse huffed a bit and got up. 

“Alright, suppose we should get on it then.” He sighed, wrinkling his nose as he retrieved both empty bowls and moved over to the sink. Hanzo gave a nod of agreement, watching Jesse move about the kitchen for a long moment before he got up himself. 

They seemed to work alright together, only bumping into each other a couple times as they went about cleanup. Jesse washed dishes and Hanzo did a couple of other things, tidying the counter mostly, putting things away. It was nice to just be around someone else. Hanzo was realizing more and more that perhaps he enjoyed Jesse’s presence more than he’d like to admit. The other man was sweet, quiet, kind. All things Hanzo knew he wasn’t. There was no way he could be compared to Jesse. And yet, the cowboy didn’t seem to mind having him around either. It gave Hanzo a piece of mind, and maybe a hope that perhaps… someone wanted him around. 

And while he was around Jesse he could at least be at ease, he didn’t force the hope away. Hell he let himself relax, enjoy the closeness with another person, give himself time to adjust. He was still getting used to being around people again, but being around Jesse helped more than he’d like to admit. He’d yet to try and get close to Genji again. But there were a lot of reasons for that. Hanzo still couldn’t truly believe that Genji had forgiven him. Nor could he let himself hope that he and Genji could ever truly mend their relationship. There was no way in hell that could happen. Not when their relationship had ended so violently, so completely. 

Then again, Jesse wasn’t Genji. He was very different. So with the cowboy, Hanzo never found himself comparing Jesse to Genji. Which may not have been a good thing, seeing as Hanzo knew he’d have to face his brother eventually. But at least he was trying to adjust. And the cowboy helped quite a bit. 

Hanzo hadn’t realized he’d gotten lost in his thoughts until a light tap on his shoulder startled him. His eyes flickered to Jesse’s, meeting raised eyebrows and mild concern. 

“Earth to Shimada, you alright there partner?” Jesse didn’t sound as concerned as he did when he’d thoughtlessly put a hand on the archer, but it was still there. Still sweet as ever. Hanzo cleared his throat, nodding slightly in reply. He was fine, just thinking too much. It was something he did far too much. And he knew that thinking wasn’t the worst thing he could do. But it wasn’t exactly the best either. Hanzo knew better than to get lost in his own thoughts, especially around others. 

“Just makin’ sure, you glazed right over for a minute there.” The cowboy’s soft chuckle shouldn’t have gotten to Hanzo like it did. The warm tone of Jesse’s voice was always surprising, but it was sure as hell easy on the ears. Hanzo was reminded again of Jesse’s singing when he’d first stepped into the kitchen, and almost wanted to ask about it. He figured it’d be best left alone though. Jesse hadn’t brought it up, which meant he may have not wanted to talk about it either. 

“I’m alright, just thinking.” Hanzo offered quietly as he reached for his mug of tea again. He was beginning to get drowsy actually. He wasn’t sure if it was the good food, tea, or how at-ease he was in Jesse’s company. But it was something, and Hanzo was entertaining the idea of going back to bed for once. 

“Ah, happens to all of us.” Jesse offered an understanding nod as he leaned back against the edge of the sink, eyeing Hanzo curiously. It wasn’t hard to tell that there was something on Jesse’s mind, but Hanzo wasn’t sure if he could pinpoint it. He’d gotten better at reading the cowboy as they’d spent a bit more time together. But he couldn’t read Jesse as well as he would have liked. In the slightest. Though Hanzo was just glad he’d gotten to the point where he could read Jesse at all. 

“You gonna head to bed anytime soon? I was thinkin’ ‘bout it myself.” Jesse piped up, surprising Hanzo a bit. Though Hanzo paused to consider the question. He was pretty sure he could actually sleep at that point, which was new. So he offered a quiet nod and a sigh as he finished off his tea. Jesse hummed a bit in response, gripping the edge of the counter again as he thought. 

“I was thinkin’ about it too, wanna head back then?” The question was coupled with Jesse looking back to Hanzo, raising an eyebrow. Hanzo offered another nod as he set his mug in the sink beside Jesse. The other man waited for him to finish with that before Jesse nodded to the kitchen entrance. Hanzo moved to trail after Jesse, stifling a quiet yawn with a hand. Jesse noticed though, and Hanzo offered a halfhearted glare upon seeing Jesse’s lopsided grin. 

He trailed after Jesse back to the residential wing though, not paying as much attention to the sounds of the others through the walls. Instead he listened to the sound of Jesse’s footsteps or the other man’s breathing as they fell in next to each other. Though, when they paused at Hanzo’s door, he almost didn’t want to leave. He’d been sincerely enjoying being around Jesse. And he still couldn’t shake the thought of the other man’s hand on him and how it hadn’t brought panic in it’s wake. 

“Thanks for the company tonight by the way.” Jesse finally spoke after a bit of hesitation, leaning his forearm against the doorframe beside his head. Hanzo blinked at him before shrugging. It was nothing, hell, he would bet money he enjoyed the time spent with Jesse more than the other man had liked the company. 

“Really, I know how much you don’t like bein’ ‘round people. I appreciate you stickin’ ‘round.” Jesse persisted. It had Hanzo looking away, a faint flush of embarrassment and frustration warming his face. 

“Stop that Jesse, it’s really nothing.” He grumbled softly, shaking his head. He didn’t think of it that much, there was no reason Jesse needed to thank him for simply staying in the same room as him for a while.

“Well, still mean’s somethin’ to me, you grump.” Jesse’s voice was a bit teasing at that, and Hanzo blinked a bit when he saw the cowboy reach out. He was glad he’d seen the movement, as it was followed by Jesse’s fingertips brushing hesitantly over his shoulder. The contact didn’t startle him that time. It just had Hanzo blinking down at Jesse’s hand before looking to the cowboy with confusion as Jesse actually rested his hand on Hanzo’s shoulder. 

“Get some sleep yeah? Looks like you need it.” Jesse gave Hanzo’s shoulder a light squeeze, his hand warm against the fabric over Hanzo’s skin. The archer nearly found himself leaning into the contact as he eyed Jesse. 

“I can try. You should as well.” He dropped his eyes again, huffing as Jesse pulled back. The cowboy at least gave a nod of agreement. 

“Yeah, I’ll definitely try, it should be easier now at least.” Jesse hummed, pushing off of the doorframe and sighing as he lifted his hands to run through shaggy hair, pushing it back from his face. Hanzo watched the process quietly before Jesse dropped his hands once more. 

“G’night then Hanzo, get some rest.” Jesse lifted a hand in farewell as he turned to head down the hall. Hanzo stalled briefly before shaking his head and replying. 

“Good night to you too, McCree.” And with that he turned to duck back into his room. The wolves were on him immediately. Snuffling at his hands and legs as he closed the door behind himself. Hanzo hadn’t realized they’d wake without him. But they didn’t seem to be shaken, just excited that he was back. Hanzo was thankful that the pair didn’t bark though. They just circled him, tails wagging happily as Hanzo stripped his shirt off to head back to bed. He couldn’t stop thinking of Jesse’s hands, the easy contact, how goddamn warm the cowboy was. Even just touching Jesse’s arm it was easy to tell that the other man ran warm. Which was a contrast to Hanzo, he knew he was relatively on the cooler side of things. Meaning having the two space-heaters of companions was a good thing for him. 

Neither wolf hesitated to crawl right back into bed with Hanzo as he moved to get settled. Though he had one wolf curled partially on top of him as he laid down. It wasn’t too bad though. It just had Hanzo rolling his eyes as he ruffled the wolf’s fur and settled in. 

His thoughts weren’t bad as he settled, for once. Instead his mind lingered on Jesse, how careful the man was with him, how sweet he could be. Maybe even to how they’d been once, which only lead to new thoughts. What it would be like to have Jesse’s hands framing his waist like that again, the sturdy feeling of Jesse’s shoulders under his hands, how the cowboy had kissed him the day he’d left. 

But before Hanzo had a chance to push those thoughts away, remind himself of everything that had changed over time, he was out like a light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, feel free to leave me a comment if you feel like it! Love hearing from you guys, and if you feel like it send me an ask on the blog! (Link is in the notes at the beginning if you didn't see it!)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so I know I said weekends! But I've been really into writing this and I don't like having my writing just sitting un-posted when you guys could be enjoying it. So! Have some of this, I'm trying to keep with the update schedule. But what happens is not only am I enjoying writing but I get one of these chapters knocked out in a day. So that combined with the need to get everything done early means updates come sooner so hey! Anyways, I'll stop rambling and let you read!

“Hanzo, you must relax if you’re going to clear your mind.” 

The voice edged with a metallic whirr to it jolted Hanzo again. He let his eyes flick open, turning up to the omnic settled across from him, slightly embarrassed. Zenyatta was incredibly good at pointing out when Hanzo wasn’t letting himself be at rest. 

Jesse had actually recommended he see the omnic. Apparently Zenyatta was the one to go for when it came to one’s mental health. Sure the omnic gave off the most calm aura Hanzo had ever been around, but he still couldn’t help but be tense sometimes. It’d been a huge issue the first time Zenyatta had gotten him to try and meditate. 

He’d been getting used to it though, a couple of weeks of trying every night didn’t hurt. The omnic would seek him out and they would just meditate together, with Zenyatta there to call him out when he was still thinking, he eventually got the hang of it. The wolves seemed confused by it at first, why he would choose to sit completely silent with another person, just focusing on breathing, relaxing the muscles in his shoulders that carried so much tension. Zenyattas hopes were that the meditation would aid Hanzo’s nightmares. 

Opening up to the omnic wasn’t exactly, easy. But Hanzo had been trying, Zenyatta was patient, far more patient than he had expected actually. Hanzo hadn’t been sure about the other man at first but he had made an effort, and he hadn’t gotten everything off of his chest, or really told Zenyatta how he felt about himself. As time went on though, he began to feel more comfortable around the monk. Enough so that when Zenyatta reached out to touch his arm, or the top of his head, he never flinched away. Then again, the omnic typically turned his temperature regulators off when they were together, so he was cold as ice. 

At the moment though, meditation was a bit hard. Hanzo had been thinking too much. Apparently Genji had been asking about him. He didn’t know why, but it bothered him. Enough so that he was brimming with anxiety. 

“My apologies, I have a lot on my mind.” Hanzo sighed, bowing his head a bit as he shifted in place, linking his hands together. There was a soft whir before Hanzo felt the monks hand rest atop his head, an almost parental gesture. 

“You must let it go, for a brief period. If you cannot move on, you will not move forward.” Hanzo was used to that kind of fortune-cookie-esque advice from Zenyatta. Not that it wasn’t useful. It was just the same stuff as always. And it made him huff a low sigh as his shoulders fell, slight shame worming into his mind. He couldn’t even meditate properly. 

“Self-doubt will only lead you further down this path, Hanzo. You are perfectly capable of this, there is nothing stopping you but yourself. All you have to do is take a step in the right direction.” Zenyatta continued, seeming to sense the shift in Hanzo’s mood from anxiety to self-loathing. 

“What troubles you today, my student?” Hanzo felt Zenyatta’s hand pull back as the monk folded his hands in his lap. Hanzo could feel the omnic’s gaze on him. He always felt as if Zenyatta wasn’t looking at him, but into him, picking him apart. According to Jesse, Zenyatta had done something very similar for Genji, which was why they were so close. 

Hanzo hesitated at the question though. It was nothing abnormal, Genji gave him anxiety. It was as simple as that. Hanzo could never let himself forget that his brother couldn’t have possibly forgiven him, he just pitied him. It was a notion that dragged Hanzo down constantly. He couldn’t tell Zenyatta that, he was sure even the monk would agree with him. There was only so much one could let slide. But, he knew Zenyatta’s intentions were good. And forced himself to speak with a shaky sigh. 

“Genji has been asking about me.” He didn’t know if Zenyatta wanted more about that, but he didn’t want to share. Didn’t want to tell Zenyatta that not only could he not accept that Genji had supposedly ‘forgiven’ him. But he knew he wasn’t even good enough to warrant his brother’s concern. He was a traitor, a murderer, and overall a waste of air. 

“And what about this is causing you distress?” Zenyatta’s voice was calm, inquisitive. He wanted only to know what bothered Hanzo. Zenyatta had told the archer more than once that the first step towards healing was getting over the urge to internalize everything. That much he was still working on, Hanzo constantly felt that he was just burdening Zenyatta, he was just another chore for the monk to deal with during his day. 

So the silence drew out as Hanzo shifted awkwardly, unsure of if he should tell the monk. He didn’t want to, really. It was just easier to keep everything to himself, to cope that way. Granted coping usually ended up being curling up with the wolves and resisting the urge to either make himself vanish from headquarters, or to never leave his room and his companions again. 

“He shouldn’t…” Hanzo paused, his head falling forward as shame burned up his throat. The heat spread to his face. It was stupid, it really was, he hated how he got stuck on such simple shit. Things other people would have taken in stride. He just had to analyze everything, couldn’t let shit go. 

“He shouldn’t worry about me like that.” Hanzo cleared his throat, eyeing a spot in the carpet between himself and Zenyatta. The quiet that followed had Hanzo wishing he hadn’t spoken up. Why the hell should the monk care what he thought? Why was Zenyatta even helping him if he couldn’t help himself. 

“Your brother cares for you greatly, Hanzo.” The monk sounded resigned, confused almost. Hanzo heard the whirr of internal fans as the omnic shifted, re-folding his hands in his lap. Though the comment had Hanzo shaking his head. There was no reason for Genji to do that, to even look twice at him, and Hanzo just… didn’t understand. He didn’t think he was capable. He’d killed his brother for fuck’s sake! 

“He couldn’t possibly, not like you think.” Hanzo whispered. He wanted to believe it, he really did. There wasn’t anything he wanted more than to mend his relationship with his brother, to fix what he’d so confidently destroyed. 

“And why is that? What reason would he have to lie about caring for his brother, surely you care for him in return?” Zenyatta persisted. Hanzo still didn’t raise his eyes from the floor. He just kept his gaze down, unsure of how to respond. Zenyatta couldn’t possibly understand the situation. He hadn’t been there, hadn’t seen the betrayal out of nowhere, hadn’t seen Hanzo’s persistence even if his brother went down screaming. 

“I never said I didn’t care for Genji.” Hanzo hissed, frustration clawing at him. Guilt still curled deep in his gut when he thought about that day, remembered how trusting his brother had been beforehand. 

“I was simply saying, he has no reason to forgive me. Let alone care for me.” Hanzo shook his head, shifting his hands in his lap as he pushed down the frustration beginning to eat at him. How could the monk understand? Hanzo was sure the omnic hadn’t even gotten a full recount of the event from Genji. It was likely that the memory was too much for his little brother anyways. Hanzo could only imagine what that day was like in Genji’s eyes. 

“Of course he has reason, you’re his brother. He loves you, that is reason enough in itself to forgive you for what you had done.” Zenyatta’s voice was gentle, but it still had Hanzo snapping, shoulders pulling up, tense as he turned a cold glare on the monk. 

“I killed him!” Hanzo hissed out, hands curling into fists as he stared Zenyatta down, cold, angry. 

“Not only that but I killed him in the most cruel way possible. They had to reconstruct half of his body!” Hanzo’s volume was rising as he stiffened, furious mostly with himself, but also with Zenyatta. How could the monk not see how wrong Hanzo was, what an awful person he was?

“Hanzo, you made a wrong choice, and it had severe consequences.” Hanzo nearly jolted back when metal hands covered his own in his lap, placating. Zenyatta leaned towards him a bit, tilting his head to the side slightly. 

“But it does not make you undeserving of your brother’s love.” Zenyatta persisted, voice dropping a bit, calm in the face of the storm brewing under Hanzo’s usually cold exterior. 

“He has forgiven you Hanzo. He didn’t at first, he truly hated what you had done-” The monk lifted Hanzo’s hands, uncurling tense fingers to help Hanzo relax. 

“- but never once did he hate you. He was angry, he was upset. But he put it behind him.” Hanzo fell quiet, shrinking a bit under the monk’s gaze. Often times he hated how Zenyatta looked at him, if only because he felt that the monk knew everything about him after a single glance. He wasn’t sure if he could believe Zenyatta though, he could understand that Genji had been furious about the whole thing. But there was no way his brother had never hated him. Not even once. 

“He has forgiven you, Hanzo, now you must forgive yourself.” The statement had an air of finality, the kind of calm confidence Hanzo knew that the monk had in him, for some damn reason. He didn’t know what to make of the statement, how to even go about doing that. He couldn’t do that, he didn’t deserve to be happy, not after what he’d done. Cool hands left his own, leaving Hanzo to fidget quietly, not knowing how to respond. He was too afraid to hope that what Zenyatta said was true. 

After a long moment of silence and Hanzo chewing his lip, he finally spoke up. 

“I don’t even know how to begin doing that.” He murmured, turning his eyes up to the omnic again. A low hum came from Zenyatta, encouraging. Hanzo had no idea what kind of door he’d just opened, what the monk would expect from him if he truly wanted to move on, to get better. And Hanzo did, if it meant he could be close to Genji again, without constantly worrying over his brother’s opinion on him. Perhaps if he got to a better place they could even actually spend time together. 

“Then let me teach you, it is possible, my student.” Zenyatta was encouraging, understanding of Hanzo’s distress and distrust in himself. That was something Hanzo always wondered about, how Zenyatta had offered to help when he knew that Hanzo couldn’t even help himself. 

Hanzo eyed him, almost scared to proceed, to open up to the omnic more. If that was what it took he couldn’t be sure he could actually get better. He took so long to develop trust that he’d be uncomfortable sharing some things for months to come. 

Or at least, that was what he thought. 

It took time, yes, but it didn’t take as much time as Hanzo thought before he felt like he could actually talk to Zenyatta. Perhaps it was the monk’s persistence, the way he always offered an outlet when Hanzo was upset, how he always asked what was on Hanzo’s mind whenever he was troubled at the beginning of meditation. Eventually, Hanzo began to let little things slip, his doubts in himself, the way he thought of himself, what he felt others should think of him. And Zenyatta did his best to ease those worries. 

It actually began to help, at least for some time. During meditations, Hanzo found it increasingly easier to let himself relax around Zenyatta. Sure when he was alone it was harder to remember all the things the monk taught him, but he did his best. Though half the time it felt superficial, it helped Hanzo when it came to being around other people. 

Though there were still some people he couldn’t really relax completely around. His brother being the main one in that situation. Along with some of the younger members who truly did just have too much energy for him. But with Zenyatta, and oddly enough, Jesse, he could relax at least somewhat on a good day. On bad days he was still tense. 

But daily mediation helped with that, and even after a terrible day, Hanzo could find some peace. And with the wolves finally allowed to tag along as well, he could relax even more that day. He’d been tense through the morning and afternoon, but with Zenyatta’s already calming presence, and the sound of the wolves settling down around him… He found it easy to relax without even being prompted by Zenyatta. 

“I’d like to try something different today.” Zenyatta’s voice had Hanzo blinking, looking up at the omnic as he settled back on his feet, re-tying his hair. Something new? What they were doing was already working though. It was a bit slow, sure. But it was progress nonetheless. So Hanzo just arched a quiet eyebrow, expecting some form of explanation. Though he stiffened a bit at the sound of the door slipping open and the patter of footsteps. 

“You asked for me master?” Hanzo froze completely at the sound of his brother’s voice. It echoed just behind him, above. The archer looked to Zenyatta, did the monk really expect him to just talk to Genji? That sure as hell wasn’t going to happen. He could hear the wolves shift, lift their heads to sniff in Genji’s direction, before deciding he smelled enough like Hanzo to settle down again. 

“Yes, I did, would you like to join us for meditation today?” Zenyatta was eerily calm, folding his hands in his lap as he turned his face up to Genji, obviously addressing the cyborg and not Hanzo. Hanzo was just, frozen, he hadn’t been so close to his brother since he’d gotten to the base. And he wasn’t sure how to handle the situation. Usually he avoided his brother, if Genji walked into a room, Hanzo walked out. It was that simple. He didn’t know how to talk to his brother, how to confront what had happened between them.

“If you don’t mind Hanzo.” Genji’s voice was tentative, and Hanzo could feel the cyborg’s eyes on him. It made him nervous, he didn’t know why Genji felt the need to ask him. Zenyatta had been Genji’s teacher first. He’d been the one to come to terms with what Hanzo had done, hell he was the one who’d deserved the help more. 

Hanzo had to psych himself up to speak, drawing a shaking breath as Zenyatta watched him expectantly. It shouldn’t have been so hard for Hanzo to trade a few words with his brother but it just felt… wrong. He just felt like he was intruding, like he shouldn’t even be speaking to the other man. 

“I’m in no place to object.” His tone was shaky, at best. But he earned himself a pleased hum, obviously it was something akin to what the monk wanted to hear. It wasn’t exactly what Hanzo wanted to do, but he felt like if he tried to leave, someone would have something to say about it. 

He kept his eyes down as he heard Genji’s weight shift on the floor and the cyborg settled gracefully next to him, one easy motion. Hanzo looked to Zenyatta, finally, wondering if he had anything planned, or if he was just inviting Genji to meditate. Knowing the monk it was something more, but Hanzo wasn’t going to question. 

“Well, now that we are settled, let’s begin.” Zenyatta seemed pleased, settling himself by drifting to the ground and settling his hands on his knees. Hanzo heard a slight click of Genji nodding, metal and synthetic muscle shifting made more sound than he’d really noticed before. But with his nerves on end, Hanzo was on high-alert. But he gave a quiet nod in response, trying to relax to actually meditate. But it was harder than ever with his brother sitting right there by his side. 

A few moments passed before Hanzo felt a cold nose push against his thigh, snuffling for his hand before nudging under it. He opened his eyes to look down at where one of the wolves was trying to worm into his lap. A quiet click to try to discourage the behavior was met with a whine and a look of distaste from the canine trying to get his attention. Instead the wolf sat up, knocking Hanzo’s hand to the side with the motion before shoving his nose into Hanzo’s face. It made Hanzo splutter a bit as a wet nose hit the side of his mouth, turning his head away to avoid an enthusiastic tongue. 

As if the attention from his canine companion (who didn’t usually interrupt his meditation with Zenyatta) wasn’t enough, a stifled laugh came from beside him. Hanzo felt himself stiffen up a bit, glancing instinctively to the source of the sound. Genji was laughing quietly, lifting a hand to touch against his faceplate presumably over his mouth. In his shock at the sight, Hanzo froze completely, eyes widening a bit. 

He wasn’t able to be still for long though, before there was a large wolf trying to climb into his lap. Hanzo couldn’t avoid the wolf licking over the side of his face, despite his best attempts to turn away. The sound of the wolf’s tail thumping against the ground was accompanied by noises of discontent from Hanzo. Usually he wouldn’t mind too much, but he was supposed to be meditating, not catering to two overgrown dogs. 

It was with mortification that he realized the other wolf had approached Genji, sniffing inquisitively over offered cybernetic hands and sneezing loudly. He wasn’t sure how to react, how to take the situation or how to mend it. It was surely his fault for disrupting what was supposed to be meditation. He’d thought the wolves could handle it at that point, they’d been around Zenyatta enough to know he was no threat, enough so that they usually napped while Hanzo meditated. 

“My apologies, they’re typically more well-behaved.” Hanzo mustered, pushing the wolf away from his face. He earned himself a snort before a muzzle flopped against the crook of his neck. He supposed it would do over being smothered with drool. It was a good opportunity for him to lift a hand and wipe all the drool from the side of his face, keeping his eyes down as he did so. 

“Relax Hanzo, sometimes we can all use a smile.” Zenyatta made a slightly dismissive gesture. But it didn’t mean Hanzo felt any better about disturbing what was supposed to be a quiet, calm affair. Genji let out another quiet chuckle though, drawing Hanzo’s attention. He saw the second wolf clumsily placing a paw against Genji’s leg, patting at artificial flesh and pushing at it to lean up and sniff at Genji’s face plate. Hanzo paused as he shifted to drape his arms around the wolf in his lap, force of habit. 

Though he wasn’t expecting Genji to lift a hand, reaching back to unclip the faceplate he wore. The wolf jerked back at that, ears flicking back briefly before they swiveled around forward again, watching the man pull the metal from his face. Hanzo dropped his eyes at that, squeezing his eyes shut. The sight still hurt, more than it had any right to. Genji wore so many scars, all from his hand. 

“Do they have names?” Hanzo looked up at the question from his brother, blinking and looking down at the wolves before he shook his head. No, he’d never had any reason to name them. They were just, there. Over time he’d come to identify them as one or the other. One wolf was slightly darker than the other, and the lighter one was slightly larger, but that was the only quality that really separated the two other than demeanor. 

“A shame, they’re very sweet.” Just as he raised his eyes again Hanzo was met with a pair of familiar ones, still ringed with scar tissue, but the same as they had been. The sight had him faltering, unsure of how to continue, but feeling as if he should say something more, instead of just going on about the wolves. Instead he just dropped his eyes and shrugged, watching Genji tentatively pat the wolf half-in his lap. 

Silence followed swiftly after that, broken only by the occasional snort from Genji, and eventually the wolves shifting as they retreated to lay down together. Hanzo had time to just sit with one of his companions, trying to ease his nerves. So by the time the wolf withdrew from his grip he was significantly calmer. He wasn’t expecting Zenyatta to speak up though. 

“Well, it’s getting a bit late, perhaps we should try again in the morning?” Hanzo looked up at that, raising an eyebrow. Zenyatta had told him that was when he and Genji meditated, surely they didn’t need him intruding. That and he wasn’t expecting Zenyatta to give up on the meditating so easily. Hanzo just wasn’t sure what to say to that as he heard his brother’s faceplate click back into place. 

“I shouldn’t that’s your-” Hanzo was cut off by his brother as he dropped his eyes to the floor. 

“Enough, Hanzo, you’re welcome to join us. Besides, it’s a good way to start your morning.” Genji spoke up. The archer finally looked to his brother, hesitant. Even if Genji was offering, how could Hanzo be sure the other man wasn’t just trying to be polite? 

“Would you like me to say ‘please’? Because I would like if you could join us in the morning.” Genji elaborated, a sigh tinting his tone. Hanzo looked at his brother quietly, struggling to repress the urge to just look away and shake his head. He had to face it at some time. At least, that was what Zenyatta had said. 

“Alright, if it’s no trouble to either of you.” Hanzo finally relented, glancing between the two. Zenyatta gave a satisfied nod as Genji got to his feet. Though, he had no idea what time they would expect him to meet them, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to ask. He knew where they meditated in the mornings though, and he could easily go there beforehand to wait. Hell, he’d probably be up anyways. So it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch. 

Genji offered Hanzo a slight wave as the archer got to his feet, before moving to slip out of the room. It left Hanzo and Zenyatta alone once again, and before Hanzo could ask what was up with inviting Genji to meditate with them, Zenyatta spoke up. 

“You are too tense around him.” Hanzo tensed up at that, shooting Zenyatta a venomous glare as he squared his shoulders. Of course he was tense, it was the longest period of time he’d spent in the same room with Genji since before their fallout. 

“Do not look at me like that, you know it’s true Hanzo.” Zenyatta was still, against all odds, calm as ever. Though he held a bit of a firm tone as he drew himself up slightly. Hanzo’s glare didn’t waver much, a low huff pulling from him as he glanced down to the floor. 

“He was nervous around you as well, Genji fears you will reject him again.” The omnic continued, turning to properly face Hanzo. That couldn’t be true. Hanzo’s brows furrowed a bit, confused. There wasn’t any way Genji could be afraid of that, why would he even care about his brother’s approval? Why would he want to be accepted by the man that had killed him. 

“You need to rest Hanzo, but we will continue this conversation tomorrow.” That, at least, Hanzo could be glad for. He was ready to retreat back to some secluded corner of the base to think for a while. And he needed a bit of distance from the monk, even if he was usually perfectly fine with being around Zenyatta. 

So they said quiet goodbyes, and Hanzo headed out with the wolves trailing after him. The clatter of their claws against the floor lost on his ears as he thought. He didn’t know how to even begin to heal things with his brother, didn’t know how to talk to Genji, tell his brother he was sorry properly. There was air to be cleared between them, things that needed saying, but Hanzo knew he’d need Zenyatta’s guidance to even begin to navigate those waters himself. 

He could only hope that things could be cleared properly, and then maybe, just maybe, he and his brother would be alright again. 

The air outside of the watchpoint was nice, clear as Hanzo stepped into the evening air. The wolves were quick to bound out ahead of him, toppling onto the grass and bolting to play with each other. Hanzo sunk to sit on the steps with a sigh. They were still under the large windows that occupied part of the upper floors of the base, but he didn’t care. He just let his head fall to his hand, a low groan leaving him as he thought. 

But the sound of the wolves playing had him relaxing eventually. The sun was dipping low to the horizon, casting long shadows across the rough grass as the wolves romped. Hanzo eventually lifted his head to watch them quietly, steadying his breathing as he braced his arms against his knees. Hanzo knew he’d have to talk to his brother eventually, and that had been looming over him, but watching the pair romp in the grass helped him ease his mind. They were so careless, yipping and snapping lightly at each other as they ran about play-fighting.

Hanzo had relaxed near completely when he was surprised by the sound of the door behind him opening. He was on his feet in a second, wheeling to see who had intruded. He was met with the sight of an apologetic looking McCree standing in the half open door. 

“Sorry ‘bout that, didn’t mean to spook you.” Jesse flashed a faint smile, stepping out with a hum. Hanzo frowned at him slightly, it wasn’t the first time Jesse had appeared out of nowhere when he was outside alone. Hanzo wondered how the other man always seemed to know where he was. 

“I saw you outside while I was in the common room, I wanted to come out for a smoke anyways, you mind the company?” Jesse asked, arching an eyebrow. Well, that explained some things didn’t it? Hanzo shook his head at the question, he didn’t mind Jesse’s company. It was actually surprising to him most of the time. It was very rare of him to get sick of the cowboy’s presence. After that though, he turned his attention back to the wolves. He heard Jesse lighting a cigar, but didn’t pay much mind to the other man beyond that. 

They stood in the quiet for a bit, both just watching the wolves. There was a breeze wafting off of the water, cooling the air down around them enough that the heat wasn’t too bothersome. It was verging into winter more, and in Gibraltar that seemed to mean rain. From what Hanzo had heard at least. But the evening was nice, despite the encroaching winter. 

“They play rough huh?” Jesse mused eventually, jumping Hanzo again as one of the wolves tackled the other to the ground, nipping as the other wolf protested by shoving front paws into his brother’s face. Hanzo raised an eyebrow at that, he didn’t think so. He’d seen wolves actually fight before, so the playing was nothing. 

“Not particularly, I played with them a lot when they were pups. They’re not hurting each other at all.” Hanzo shrugged, moving to step down the stairs as one of the wolves bounded back towards him. The canine nearly toppled over while stopping, pulling back on his hind legs before butting his head against Hanzo’s chest, asking for attention. A low chuckle came from behind them, and Hanzo glanced over to see a faint smile pulling at Jesse’s features. The cowboy truly was easily entertained wasn’t he?

“I think you’re wanted there darlin’.” The other man offered a lopsided grin. Hanzo huffed a bit as he backed the wolf up, paws padding against grass before the second wolf trotted up to circle him, tail waving happily. He didn’t know why Jesse dropped that pet name so often, but he’d heard the other man use it with near everyone on base so he didn’t question it too much. It just surprised him any time he heard it. A lot of things surprised him about Jesse actually. 

Hanzo let the wolf drop back to all fours, before the pair snapped at each other again. One of the wolves weaved between Hanzo’s knees, shifting just right to knock him off of his feet. Hanzo went down with a huff, making a face as he hit the grass. The wolf, under his leg from tripping him, wormed out to bound over and stick his nose in Hanzo’s face. He reached up to grip the wolf’s ruff, snorting at the canine. The wolf responded in kind, snorting and turning to snap at Hanzo’s arm where he could. Sharp teeth grazed skin barely before finding purchase against Hanzo’s forearm. He barely winced at the sting of several canine teeth digging into his skin. It wasn’t hard by any means, playful more than anything. And the wolf didn’t hold on, withdrawing after making his point before Hanzo withdrew, ruffling fur and ears as he went before he shooed the wolves off. 

“Shit, he bite you? You alright there Hanzo?” He heard the sound of Jesse’s footsteps, turning his head to look up to the other man as he was offered a hand. It was true he’d been bitten. But Hanzo was covered with scars from bites and scratches. It was nothing new. Anyone who took a look at him would see that. His arms especially were painted with scars. 

“I’m fine.” He huffed, accepting the hand he was offered to pull himself up. Blood had started to bead from the shallow punctures, dripping down his arm. There hadn’t been much force in the bite, for a wolf anyways. They wouldn’t have even gotten past thick fur with a bite like that, but Jesse still seemed worried, holding onto Hanzo’s hand when the other man had gotten to his feet to get a look at the bite. 

“You sure? Maybe you should go see Angela, get it patched up real quick.” Jesse frowned around his cigar, worried brown eyes flickering up to meet Hanzo’s. The concern was nice enough, but unneeded. Hanzo huffed and pulled his hand away, instead just pulling his hair ribbon out to wrap around the bite until he could get some proper bandaging. He had several of the same ribbon, so he wasn’t worried about it getting bloody. 

“I have had worse in my day, these two have never truly harmed me.” He muttered, quickly wrapping the bite and tying the ribbon off easily. It was a quick fix, even if spots of blood started to show through the silk, and Jesse still looked unconvinced. 

“It will heal within a week McCree, do not worry about me.” Not that Hanzo understood why Jesse would worry about him in the first place. He didn’t get why people worried about him, his brother, Jesse. It was all foreign to him. But Jesse just offered a sigh and a shake of his head. 

“At least get that cleaned and wrapped proper when you get inside.” Jesse muttered, taking another long drag off of his cigar. Hanzo rolled his eyes but nodded anyways. He’d patched more wounds than he could remember. Hell he’d dug a bullet out of his own side in a shady motel once after a botched attempt on his life by one of his family’s hired killers. A little bite was nothing. 

“Well, can’t stick around for too long, Winston wanted me for somethin’ so I’d better head back in.” Jesse wrinkled his nose, casting a look back at the door. It was likely a mission briefing or something like that. Either that or one of Winston’s check-ins. He liked to keep tabs on the members of Overwatch apparently. Both their physical and mental health. The sentiment was nice, if a bit odd. 

“Do not keep him waiting then, it’s rude to be late.” Hanzo huffed, Jesse shrugged, sighing out smoke as he looked back towards the building. The reluctance was easy to spot, though Hanzo’s gaze was pulled away by the sound of snapping jaws a couple feet away. Grass was being rumpled under a pair of wolves, as he’d expected, but he was quick to turn back to Jesse. 

“Yeah yeah I’m gettin’, damn.” Jesse teased a bit, flashing Hanzo a bright grin as he crushed his cigar out on the rail of the stairs. The rest of the cigar was stuck in the pocket of Jesse’s shirt as he eyed Hanzo for a moment. 

“See you around then?” Jesse arched an eyebrow. The question made Hanzo snort as the archer folded his arms over his chest. It was a stupid question. Of course they would see each other around, they worked together for god’s sake. They lived within the same building. 

“I’m sure you will, go to your meeting, cow-man.” Hanzo waved him off, scowling a bit. As much as he wanted Jesse to stick around, take an opportunity to just talk and relax as the warm light of a sunset washed over the watchpoint… Well, Jesse had other things to do. Jesse laughed a bit, waving a hand at Hanzo as he moved back towards the door. 

“Alright, see ya Hanzo!” And with that he ducked off, leaving Hanzo and the wolves. Hanzo eyed the door for a moment, before he went to sit with the wolves. They’d calmed significantly, laying near each other on the grass. Hanzo sat with them, sighing and reaching out to pat one of them as he relaxed. After such a stressful encounter with his brother it was nice to have a moment to relax around Jesse and the wolves. He could have spent more time with all three of them. But he knew that with how busy Jesse could be, it was unlikely. Hanzo could wish though. 

And as the sun dipped below the waves, Hanzo really did wish that he could have had Jesse there with him, maybe Genji as well. Someone to enjoy the last rays of the sun with. The wolves’ eyes slid closed, content to just feel the warmth on their faces as Hanzo folded his arms, doing the same and just focusing on breathing easy for a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, feedback is super appreciated! I love to hear what you guys think!
> 
> (and if you want to, feel free to drop by the blog: https://catm-official.tumblr.com/ )


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I seem to flux between delayed updates and on-time updates. I'm still working on this pretty much all the time though! There's a lot of work being put into this so it takes a while if I'm actually applying myself to a normal sleep schedule/doing schoolwork when I need to/etc so sorry for that but I'm doing my best!

Some days were worse than others. 

It was a notion Hanzo had been applying himself to since he’d set foot in Gibraltar. Not every day was the same, some days he could be around people, participate in life around base. Hell some days he even enjoyed quiet meditation sessions with his brother and Zenyatta, just adjusting himself to being around Genji again. On the better days he and the wolves would often be found outside together or something of the sort. 

And some days were worse. Some days he still flinched away from touch and the artificial lights gave him a headache. Some days he still got antsy and couldn’t meditate with Genji so close to himself, couldn’t even be around Jesse or anyone else really. 

But those days paled in comparison to when he woke up that morning. 

It felt like the walls were weighing in on him, pushing him back into bed as the wolves curled over. The closed in space was suffocating, but he could barely find it in himself to get up long enough to throw the windows open as wide as they could go. And even then he slumped right back into bed when that was done. He just, didn’t have the energy. 

And of course he didn’t, why would he? He was a waste of people’s time anyways. He was sure that Genji would be glad to be rid of him for morning meditation. Jesse would likely be happy to take breakfast without him and the wolves, like they had been doing.

The thoughts he’d been doing well to ignore, discredit before they got to him as much returned in force. They only served to drag him down further, it had Hanzo ignoring a soft whine from the back of his shoulder as fingers curled into the sheets and he pushed his face into the pillow. Everyone would be happy to be rid of him for a day, he was sure of it. Hell, assuming they even noticed he wasn’t there. 

A wet nose prodded against the back of his neck, seeking attention. It earned a low huff from Hanzo, before he rolled onto his side, wrapping his arm over himself as he eyed the wolf that’d been resting half against his back. The canine was quick to nudge against him, flopping down and stretching out alongside Hanzo, leaning against the human’s chest. Hanzo gave a low, rumbling sigh as he pushed a hand into his hair, pushing the heel of his hand against his eye to rub the sleep from it before he dropped his hand to the sheets. 

At least the wolves seemed to like him. He’d raised them, so he was sure he was their source of food. Speaking of that, he was glad he’d fed them the day previous. After such a large meal they wouldn’t have to eat for a day or two, he’d probably feed them of course but he doubted they’d even want to eat again for another good twelve hours. So that was good, he wouldn’t have to get up to do that, and the thought was reassuring, he didn’t have to leave his room in that case. And hopefully wouldn’t have to leave bed either. 

Which was good because he wasn’t sure if he had the energy to. He shouldn’t have had the energy to either, why should he? Who would want to see Hanzo doing more than getting by? Sure he’d had bad days when he was out with the wolves, and he’d had his fair share of bad days before then. But those days he’d had to haul himself up for the sake of his survival, at least during the days when it was just him and the wolves. He’d had to, or they all would have been faced with the possibility of death. 

As it was, there was no reason for him to get up. The wolves were there wrapped around him, the rest of the base would be better off without him there to bother them, and the thoughts threatened to choke. They invaded on hard-fought and hard-won neutral thoughts that Hanzo had been struggling to keep around. He hadn’t been quite to the level of feeling good about himself, he’d been grudgingly letting himself make mistakes and focused on accepting himself as much as he could with Zenyatta’s guidance. But it felt like all of that was out of the window, malevolent thoughts rolling over him in waves, smothering any shred of hope for recovery that Hanzo had been harboring. 

The sheets were comfortable, blankets warm and seemingly too heavy to move as Hanzo curled in on himself, nudging his forehead against the cheek of the wolf stretched out beside him. He couldn’t even attempt to stifle the flow of thoughts that rattled around in his head, eyes falling closed in sheer exhaustion as he drew in a shuddering breath, a vague attempt at steadying himself before he could be dragged down entirely. 

When he opened his eyes again all he could see was the light filtering in through the windows. At least the open windows allowed a breeze to filter into the room. It washed over furniture and the bed. Hanzo held onto the fresh air, pulling in another deep breath as he tried to relax, release the tension that had been drawn right back into his back and shoulders. He was uncomfortably tense, curling a bit against the sheets as he let his eyes fall shut again. 

He worried a bit of the fabric between his fingers, holding on to it, to something at least. Something to ground him besides the warmth of the wolves against him. There was sunlight pooling across the covers, lighting on the wolve’s thick fur and catching every little hair that they’d shed on Hanzo’s sheets. 

The room was silent save for the infrequent shift of canine limbs against military-issue fabric. Or the occasional displeased grumble from one of them. Hanzo himself was silent, just eyeing his hand quietly, not even bothering to move when his leg started to fall asleep. For once he wanted to just go back to bed, let sleep claim him, ignore the world for a few more hours. Maybe if he did he’d wake up feeling better, maybe he could ignore the thoughts for a while. 

Before he could properly entertain the idea, the silence was broken by the sound of a soft tap on the door. At first Hanzo thought he was hearing things, not even bothering to look over at the door. Who would come check on him? Nobody sane that was for sure. Hell if someone had come for him it was probably because they needed to ask him a question only he could answer. Probably something trivial as well. Surely nobody actually cared enough to notice he was gone, let alone to check on him. If someone was checking on him it was likely someone sent by others to make sure he wasn’t dead. 

He wasn’t hearing things though, a second knock followed, louder than before. Hanzo mustered the energy to lift his head, squinting in the direction of the door. Who the hell was trying to get ahold of him? And why couldn’t they just contact him via their communication pads?

“Y’alright in there darlin’?” The muffled question had Hanzo blinking, his scowl deepening slightly. Why the hell would Jesse be looking for him? Why would the other man be asking about his state? Surely he understood that Hanzo was just a worthless excuse of a human being right? Hell, Hanzo wasn’t even sure he qualified as human any more. Not after everything. 

“I am fine.” Hanzo managed, his tone was a low croak. But he didn’t even make any attempt to make himself sound cheerful or anything. He just let himself slump back into bed, eyes dropping from the door. He assumed Jesse would just leave him be after that, but somehow managed to forget that Jesse McCree wasn’t an easy man to deter. 

“Genji said you didn’t show this mornin’, you sure you’re ok? He says you never miss meditatin’.” Jesse sounded concerned, drawing Hanzo’s gaze back to the door but not motivating him to move. He didn’t even lift his head again, eyes moving back to the sheets within a breath. 

“My brother has no reason to worry, it is one session.” Hanzo muttered, pulling his legs up a bit more. One of the wolves followed the movement to curl into the crook of his legs, muzzle resting against the bend of his knee. It effectively trapped Hanzo between the two wolves. Rendering him unable to get up even if he wanted to. 

“You sure you’re alright? You’ve got a lot of people worried Hanzo.” The low sigh had Hanzo glaring at the door as he shifted, the sheets rumpling under him. He wasn’t any semblance of ok, but Jesse didn’t need to know that. Hanzo knew McCree, and he knew that the other man was caring to a fault. Even if he was talking to someone he only tolerated. Hanzo was sure that was the case for him as well, there was no way he could actually care about Hanzo. The archer was just sure it was the usual concern McCree offered everyone. 

“I will be alright McCree, do you not have other people to be with?” Hanzo snapped, not bothering to look at the door that time, he drew his shoulders up a bit as he lifted a hand to brush over the fur of one of the wolves. The soft fur was a good way for him to ground himself, letting him get a grip for a moment and breathe. It’d be better for him to push McCree away. Even if he almost wanted to see Jesse, wanted someone to be there with him. He pushed the thoughts out of his head, he didn’t deserve to have someone to offer him comfort. There was no way he’d waste Jesse’s time with his bullshit. 

“Naw, nothing planned today. I just wanted to check in.” Jesse commented, before speaking up again, much to Hanzo’s distaste. He wasn’t sure he wanted Jesse to persist. He was slowly wishing he could just take a moment, lean on Jesse, let himself be upset. But he forced it down, willing the thought into submission and piling more self-loathing on top to subdue it. He was just a waste of Jesse’s time and concern. Both things that would be better used on someone else, someone who actually had a chance to get back on their feet. 

“Well you have done so, do you need something?” Hanzo growled, hostility rising. He didn’t need Jesse around, he’d just be tempted to let the other man in, to let Jesse spend his time on him. Jesse didn’t need to be stuck with that, Hanzo didn’t want to drag the other man down with him. He did that to everyone he allowed himself to get close to. The wolves seemed to be the only exception, as they didn’t work like humans did. They didn’t understand any of the things Hanzo was going through. Except maybe the new change of scenery to the Gibraltar watchpoint. 

“I don’t need anythin’, I was just wonderin’ if you needed any company.” Jesse’s comment was almost hesitant, as if he was worried about asking. It had Hanzo scowling slightly. Why would Jesse want to offer him company. Surely they were even after the couple of times they’d actually taken solace in each other’s presence. There was no need for Jesse to spend any kind of time on him, not to mention the fact that he sure as hell wasn’t worth that time. 

“I shouldn’t.” Hanzo huffed. He really shouldn’t have needed, or even wanted the company. But part of him ached to be anything but alone. He wasn’t about to get up and seek out a shoulder to cry on, for a lot of reasons. But he was tempted by Jesse’s comment anyways. The last times he’d spent with Jesse, the man’s presence had been oddly comforting. Jesse seemed to understand him better than a lot of people, seemed to understand how adverse Hanzo could be to physical contact. He didn’t usually pry either. But apparently he was going to be a bit harder to deter when Hanzo was torn between wanting to be alone and wanting to curl up to someone else just to have some company. 

“Hanzo if you want me I can hang around, or I can go get Zenyatta if you just need someone else.” It was quiet, Hanzo could tell Jesse was starting to back off. And something about that he didn’t like. He hated having anyone concerned about him, but the idea of Jesse wanting to be around him was nicer than he’d like to admit.

“I just wanna be sure you’re alright darlin’.” There it was again, that pet name Jesse seemed to toss around with everyone but still made Hanzo’s chest tight every time he heard it directed at him. He blamed it on embarrassment, not knowing what to do when anyone called him by anything but his name. 

He didn’t know what to do though, he was torn himself. Whether he wanted to be alone or not, Jesse was already there. And for some reason he seemed to worry. Sure Hanzo knew that discord within the ranks of Overwatch was never a good thing, but he didn’t even really do much for the organization. He was just… There. Only brought to base by his brother’s request and kept by the fact that he had nowhere else to go but there. Not where other people were, at least, not with the wolves. Hanzo just wasn’t sure how to react to Jesse’s concern. But even if he knew he should push Jesse away, keep the other man from getting dragged down in his wake, he didn’t want to. 

“You know the passcode. There is nothing stopping you.” That was all he was going to say on the matter, that was it. Jesse knew the code to get into his rooms. If the other man truly wanted to be around Hanzo wasn’t going to stop him. He just wasn’t going to actively invite Jesse to be around him, so the other man didn’t feel obligated to stick around in case he was offering out of courtesy. 

In the silence that followed, Hanzo’s mind reeled. Jesse had to have left. That had to be it. He’d heard Hanzo’s comment and decided not to stick around. Why would he want to hang around with a forlorn archer and two bratty canines? Nobody sane would want to do that. Or anyone who had anything better to do with their lives for that matter. Hanzo just pushed down the disappointment that flared through him at knowing Jesse had just walked away. He shouldn’t have been surprised, there was likely nobody on base who actually cared for him. There couldn’t be, not when he had nothing to offer in return for them being around him. 

He was so lost in his thoughts he missed the sound of the door hissing open. But the click of it closing had him looking up, catching sight of Jesse through rumpled strands of hair. He tried to mask surprise, relief, and want to have Jesse close all at once, instead shifting a bit to look at the other man properly as Jesse hesitated before crossing the room. One of the wolves lifted his head to examine the cowboy, leaning up a bit to sniff Jesse in greeting as the man moved to perch on the edge of Hanzo’s bed. 

“Damn Hanzo, you’re really sure you’re alright?” Jesse shifted a bit, sitting sideways to look at Hanzo as the archer dropped his eyes, bringing a hand up to push his hair back from his face. A gentle touch against his shoulder startled him, a warm hand resting against his sleeve, reassuring. 

“I am fine, McCree.” Hanzo rasped, stubbornly not making eye contact as he fiddled with the wolf’s fur still under his fingers. He tried not to lean into Jesse’s hand, even if the idea was tempting. The contact was nice, the warmth of human touch still a bit jarring but no longer truly unpleasant. When it came to those he had gotten used to at least. Which was mostly Jesse, but Genji applied as well. 

“Doesn’t look like it, can I?” Hanzo’s eyes followed Jesse’s hand where the other man gestured to an empty spot on the mattress near Hanzo’s head. The archer paused at that. Did Jesse actually want to settle in for a while? Would he have company for at least some fraction of the day? He pushed down hopes swiftly, making way for other thoughts worming their way into his brain, reminders of just how much of a waste of Jesse’s time he was and would always be. 

“I don’t care, go ahead.” He shifted back slightly, giving Jesse more space but pulling away from the hand. He instantly missed the contact, the warm reassurance that there was someone there, that he wasn’t totally alone. Even if it would have been better for him to be alone, to not bother anyone with his existence. 

“Bad day I take it?” Jesse murmured as he moved to kick off his boots and sit against the headboard. It put Hanzo’s face level with one of the cowboy’s thighs, an odd position, but Hanzo didn’t mind much, shrugging at the question. It was a flippant gesture, but he wasn’t exactly going to tell Jesse that he felt like he was choking on all the thoughts rattling around inside his head like angry wasps. 

“I get ‘em too, trust me.” Jesse gave a sad, understanding smile. Hanzo eyed him quietly, a frown crossing his features. What was he doing? Why did he let Jesse stick around, waste his time? Guilt bloomed heavy in Hanzo’s chest, roots worked deep and unmoving. It was just another stone on the pile, another reminder that he wasn’t worth a second of Jesse’s time. 

“C’mere… Your hair’s a mess, let’s fix that.” Jesse patted his lap, inviting Hanzo closer. The archer shot his companion a wary look, confused by the offer. It seemed, random to say the least. Coming out of nowhere. Jesse seemed to waver a bit under his scrutiny, sighing and half-rolling his eyes. 

“It’s weird, I know, but trust me it can help. Small victories still count. Little milestones Han.” Jesse explained. Hanzo wasn’t sure about that, but the offer of more contact was tempting to say the least. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve someone so sweet to have around. Though he wasn’t sure he’d done anything to deserve having Jesse about. He debated for a moment, eyeing Jesse’s legs, the way the other man folded his ankles, heel digging into the blankets near the wolves. 

After a long moment of debate he moved, shifting to rest his head in Jesse’s lap. It required a startling amount of trust, made Hanzo feel a bit more vulnerable than he would have liked. He swallowed the nerves though, letting his eyes fall half-closed as he curled in on himself a bit more, knees bumping against Jesse’s legs before he realized how close they were. He was about to apologize when one of Jesse’s hands fell on the point of his shoulder, cybernetic fingers brushing gently over the fabric of Hanzo’s shirt. Jesse’s other hand dropped to his hair, just brushing the messy strands from Hanzo’s face first. Hanzo stiffened a bit under the touch, feeling Jesse’s fingertips brush slightly against his cheek as the other man swept his hair back so he could see. 

“Easy there, this alright?” Jesse’s voice was quiet, soothing. Hanzo looked up as best he could without moving. After a moment of consideration he nodded, forcing him to relax, at least physically. The touch was weirdly nice, Jesse was warm, the hand on his shoulder was reassuring, keeping him present in the moment. Hanzo pulled his own hands up to his chest, fingers curling idly against his shirt as he tried to relax, feeling Jesse’s fingers delve into his hair. He was dubious at first, feeling Jesse start to gently untangle the snarls from a restless sleep. His touch was soft, barely brushing against Hanzo’s scalp, but it was nice. Really nice actually. Hanzo found himself slowly starting to relax, truly relax, physically at least. His thoughts still reeled, but he wasn’t straining muscles by keeping them tensed up. He’d let his physical guard down, allowing Jesse to truly get close, to touch for no real reason other than comfort. Hanzo was used to contact only through practical need. Whether it was for the effort to adjust to life around humans, or other various situations. The contact was just, calming. 

Without thinking he lifted a hand to rest gingerly just above Jesse’s knee, shifting slightly under the other man’s hand to get properly comfortable. Jesse paused while he settled, before he resumed what he was doing. It was just a moment of peace and quiet, Hanzo did his best not to think, instead focusing on the gentle drag of Jesse’s fingers through his hair. 

It was around the time that he noticed Jesse had dealt with all the tangles and was continuing simply for his sake that he couldn’t help but think again. Jesse’s other hand still rested against him, having moved to his bicep instead of shoulder, just resting, idle. But the attention had Hanzo wondering. Wondering why Jesse wanted to be close to him, wondering why he cared. It was overwhelming, too much to think about on top of everything else. 

Too much to consider. Too close, too comfortable. 

Hanzo found himself recoiling slightly at those thoughts. He shouldn’t have been letting himself relax, getting so close. He was acting like he deserved to occupy any of Jesse’s time, which he absolutely didn’t. The reminder was harsh, it had Hanzo chewing on his bottom lip as he withdrew his hand from Jesse’s leg, unsure of how to pull out of the other man’s grip without raising suspicion. Though it seemed like he’d already done that as the tension drew his shoulders up again. 

“Somethin’ wrong?” Jesse’s tone was warm, concerned as Hanzo heard the other man shift. He felt fingers still in his hair, resting half-curled against the base of his skull. Hanzo wasn’t sure. There sure as hell was something wrong with him. How could he slip? How could he think that it was alright for him to be close to anyone? For even a moment. He didn’t deserve that kind of comfort, not after everything he’d done, not after Genji. 

“Why do you need to know, McCree?” It wasn’t what Hanzo had meant to say. Not in the slightest. He was going to brush the comment off, let Jesse go about his business, probably dismiss the other man entirely in favor of not bothering Jesse any further. Though the quiet that followed his question had Hanzo nearly cringing. 

“‘Cause you mean a lot to me, I don’t wanna see you fallin’ apart like this. But I know it’s rough sometimes. I just wanna help if I can.” Jesse’s tone was quiet, words slow, well-thought out as he spoke. It was obvious Jesse was thinking a few words in advance. Though Hanzo could hardly believe the statement. There was no way, no reason for Jesse to actually care about him. He couldn’t, he just couldn’t. 

“Why? Why do you care?” Frustration coiled through Hanzo’s mind as he shifted to push himself up, turning to squint slightly at Jesse. What did he have to offer the other man? What could he do for Jesse in return for Jesse caring about him? Hanzo needed to know, because it didn’t sound like anything plausible. Who in their right mind would choose to care about someone like him? He was a disaster, in more ways than one. 

Jesse raised an eyebrow at Hanzo as the other man turned to look at him properly, shifting onto his other leg but not sitting up completely as he eyed Jesse. He couldn’t believe that Jesse just cared about him, like he’d care about anyone else. There was no reason for him to do that. 

“Because I do Hanzo.” Jesse let out a huff of frustration, shrugging as he adjusted to having his hands pushed away by Hanzo sitting up. Hanzo was about to open his mouth to question Jesse further when the other man shot him a look, held up a hand and continued. 

“‘Cause you don’t deserve to be alone, not you of all people. ‘Cause I know you’ve been beatin’ yourself up over everythin’ that happened with you an’ Genji, even if he’s long since gotten over it. You’re a good person Hanzo, you just need a hand gettin’ back on your feet. And I’m not the only one who wants to help, you just gotta let us in goddamnit.” Jesse’s tone bordered on snapping, frustrated mostly. It took a moment for what Jesse said to sink in, but when it did he paused, nearly paling at what he’d heard. Did Jesse really think that? He was very, very wrong if he did, Hanzo wasn’t a good person in the slightest, he’d killed his little brother in cold blood. 

“I’m not-” Hanzo started to protest, eyes falling as he struggled to push the memory away, the thing that always haunted him any time the incident was brought up. There was no way he was a good person after that. Maybe he had been once, but not after that. 

“Yes you are Hanzo.” Jesse’s tone was firm as he sat up more, moving to grip Hanzo’s shoulders. Hanzo would have pulled out of the grip but he was already overwhelmed. Between the warring thoughts and the need for close contact, he wasn’t sure what to do. Part of him was sure that Jesse was lying for, some reason. But he’d been working on trying to deal with himself, and part of him wanted to believe what Jesse was saying. He was just lost, it was all too much, too many things to sort out, too many people to let himself be close to. It was terrifying. And there Jesse was, watching him expectantly as Hanzo nearly panicked, unsure of whether to push Jesse off or to lean into him. Jesse said he had to let people in but Hanzo wasn’t sure. 

“I don’t even-” He paused, realizing his voice was shaking, emotional. Tears threatened at his eyes, driven by the cocktail of different things Hanzo was dealing with. And most of all? Stress, he had been pushing a breakdown away for a long damn time. 

“I don’t know how to do that.” It was a strained whisper as Hanzo’s eyes dropped to the sheets between himself and Jesse. He didn’t. He really didn’t know, he wanted to get better, he truly did. He didn’t want to feel like hell forever but he didn’t even know where to start when it came to letting himself open up to people, he didn’t even feel like he deserved to get better sometimes. But he knew he needed to, if he was going to live normally at all.

He didn’t look up at Jesse again, struggling to choke down tears that threatened to spill as embarrassment burned in his cheeks, shame and guilt for getting so emotional in front of Jesse. The cowboy had just come to check in, to offer some comfort, not to deal with the full extent of Hanzo’s shit.

But before he could push things down properly, he was coaxed into a lose hug. It had his breath hitching, between the tears and surprise he didn’t even know how to react. And, too overwhelmed to think straight, he moved immediately. Shaky hands came up to grip the back of Jesse’s shirt as he was wrapped in Jesse’s thick arms. The hold was protective, caring, too much. 

Hanzo broke with a shudder, head falling to Jesse’s shoulder as a weak sob left him. It had him cringing, embarrassed to be crying on Jesse. But he was just pulled closer, a hand resting against the back of his head, encouraging him to lean and stay close. Hanzo was in no place to truly protest. As soon as the tears started to flow, Hanzo couldn’t choke them down if he tried. Within moments there were tears streaking down his cheeks as he hid against Jesse’s shoulder. One of the other man’s arms pulled tight around his waist, fingers rubbing gently over his side. 

It was the closest Hanzo had been to anyone in years. A hand on his shoulder or leaning against someone was wildly different from being wrapped up completely in someone’s arms. Jesse held him close, tightly.

Most of all he held onto Hanzo like he truly did care, like he was doing his best to hold Hanzo together all on his own. And that on it’s own was a lot for Hanzo to process. As it was he barely registered Jesse murmuring to him gently as his knees bumped against Jesse’s thigh, curling close to the other man. They fit together well, Hanzo didn’t want to move from his place against Jesse, even as he muffled broken sobs against the other man’s shirt. 

It was just too much, everything, knowing that people were there for him was enough to distress him on it’s own. He was just a mess, he hadn’t let himself cry in years, and it didn’t seem like the tears were going to let up any time soon. Hanzo hated it, but Jesse was there, quiet, reassuring, just rubbing over Hanzo’s shoulders and hushing him softly. His other hand tangled into Hanzo’s hair, resting against the back of his neck. It was reassuring, the grip did well to ground him, kept him from losing it entirely. 

And eventually, breathless sobs faded into sniffling, and to silence. Hanzo’s tears were replaced with an overwhelming feeling of numbness. It wasn’t bad, it was just, nothing. He didn’t really know what to make of it but it was better than being miserable. As soon as he got a grip on himself he moved to shift away from Jesse instinctually. He didn’t want to spend too long leaning on the other man, he’d already soaked the shoulder of Jesse’s shirt with tears, and didn’t want to bother the cowboy any longer. Jesse’s grip relaxed a bit when he moved away a bit but Jesse spoke up before Hanzo could pull away. 

“If you wanna stay, please.” Jesse murmured, he sounded a bit saddened but reassuring, giving Hanzo a slight squeeze around the waist. Hanzo was honestly too tired to protest. He needed to take a nap after that, and a headache was slowly settling in behind his eyes. So instead of speaking up about it he slumped back against Jesse, curling into him and resting his cheek against Jesse’s shoulder. Jesse’s hand fell from his hair down to rub over his shoulders, kneading slightly over tired muscle. 

“There you go Han, helps don’t it? We all gotta do that sometimes.” Jesse murmured, giving Hanzo another slight squeeze. Hanzo had to agree. It did help, numbness seemed exponentially better than not even wanting to leave his bed. Though he was slowly realizing that he wasn’t the only one who’d moved when he started to break down. The wolves had adjusted to move closer to him. One had flopped over Jesse’s legs to rest his head on Hanzo’s lap, eyeing the human with what seemed close to concern. The other had curled up in the crook of Hanzo’s legs, nose tucked against the archer’s ankle as a tail draped over Hanzo’s thigh. 

The position was actually… Wonderful. Hanzo didn’t want to move in the slightest. He would have been happy to just stay like that for hours. Jesse was warm, comfortable. Enough so that Hanzo shifted so he could drape one arm over Jesse’s abdomen instead of clutching onto the cowboy like he had been. He kept his place against Jesse’s shoulder though, breath evening out slowly. 

“Thank you.” It was quiet, a low rasp from the archer as he shifted his hand from Jesse’s side to rest against his shoulder instead, almost tucked against the crook of Jesse’s neck. The other man’s shrug nearly dislodged Hanzo from his shoulder. He just shifted once Jesse let his shoulders fall again. Though he really did mean the thanks. He appreciated Jesse spending time with him, checking up, letting him cry like that without telling him he was weak or pathetic for crying like his family had often done when he was young. 

“It ain’t no big deal, figured you needed that. You feelin’ any better?” Hanzo glanced up to find Jesse’s gaze already on him. The corners of the cowboy’s eyes crinkled slightly in concern, showing age that wasn’t as obvious from a distance. From so close Hanzo could see the freckles dusted over already tan cheeks, a feature barely visible from a distance. Being so close just allowed Hanzo to see every detail of Jesse’s face, it was nice actually. The other man was definitely attractive. An odd observation when Hanzo had just spent a good twenty minutes crying on the other man, but an observation nonetheless. Though after a second of staring, Hanzo remembered that Jesse had, in fact, asked him a question. 

“Yes, a bit.” Hanzo murmured, letting his gaze drop again. It had helped. And he figured he owed Jesse at least enough to tell the other man that. He did appreciate the outlet too, the way Jesse had just been there for him. The other man had been a little pushy, sure, but he hadn’t crossed any lines. 

“Good, glad I could help a bit.” Jesse hummed softly, patting at Hanzo’s side as the archer allowed himself to relax. He shifted away from the wet spot he’d left on Jesse’s shoulder, letting his eyes fall closed as he rested. He was just so tired, tired of being the way he was, tired of not being able to be truly open with others, tired of isolating himself. Zenyatta and Jesse had been coaxing him into a better mental state, slowly but surely. But Hanzo knew he had an insanely long way to go. He still hadn’t held a real conversation with his brother since the day he’d found out Genji was alive. 

He had things to work on, but for the moment he was far too content to relax against Jesse and just be held close. Hanzo let his thoughts drift, mostly focused on the warmth of being sandwiched between Jesse and the wolves. It was soothing, pushing him into relaxing both physically and mentally. Enough so that he ended up snuggling slightly closer to Jesse, craving the warmth and the contact that the other man offered. 

It didn’t last long though, Hanzo was drained. He was truly exhausted and that kind of breakdown had taken a lot of energy. It was about fifteen minutes of quiet before he slowly started to sink into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we're finally getting to a bit of a turning point y'all! It's all kind of uphill from here I promise!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap this update was late, I'm really sorry for that! I got super busy with assignments and whatnot, and when I wasn't doing that my friends have been dragging me off to actually play Overwatch (to ungodly hours mind you) but I finally managed to get this finished! So here you guys go!
> 
> (Edit: I also may have spent more than one hour cross-referencing Genji's dialogue with his voice lines/in-game lines and let me tell you this man's way of speaking is infuriating. He doesn't use contractions. I had to re-write almost all of his dialogue for this section)

“Hanzo wait!” 

The call echoed down the hall, ricocheting off of empty walls and joining with the patter of cybernetic feet and wolve’s claws, hurried. Hanzo winced at the sound of his brother’s voice though. He’d been adjusting to meditating with his brother in the mornings, but Genji had never trailed him out before. Usually Genji and Zenyatta spoke with each other for a bit after Hanzo left, from what he understood. It gave him time to remove himself from Genji’s vicinity, enough so that he’d still been avoiding his brother more than he should have. 

But it would just be rude if he ignored the other man blatantly calling him like that. So instead of  
just walking on he stalled, and slowed to a stop, turning to look over his shoulder. Genji trailed after him, his steps quick before he came to stand in front of his brother as Hanzo turned to face him properly. Genji seemed like he had something to say, holding a hand up to silently ask for Hanzo to have patience as the wolves sniffed him again in greeting.

“We must talk.” 

Those words were not what Hanzo wanted to hear, his brows pulled down into a frown, scowl shadowing his features as he recoiled a bit. That would never go well for him, and Hanzo couldn’t help but shake his head a bit. No, they didn’t need to talk, there was no way they needed to do that. 

“I see no need.” Hanzo frowned, eyeing his brother as the wolves took up their places on either side of him again. They’d sniffed over Genji’s legs plenty and were satisfied that the cyborg’s scent hadn’t changed since they’d seen him five minutes ago. Hanzo wasn’t as relaxed as they were though, just tense as he watched his brother, ready for Genji to huff and just let him slip away, hopefully. 

“I do, you have been avoiding me brother. We need to talk about this, you cannot keep isolating yourself Hanzo.” Genji persisted, taking a half step closer and moving to rest a hand against Hanzo’s shoulder. On instinct, Hanzo jerked away from the touch, narrowing his eyes at his brother quietly. He’d grown accustomed to Jesse’s touch, sure. That was close enough to Genji’s cybernetic hands, but he still wasn’t sure how to feel about being close to his brother, in any sense. He didn’t deserve to be close to Genji. 

“This will not work unless you talk to me Hanzo. I need to know what I did, why you are avoiding me.” Genji seemed a bit saddened by the fact that Hanzo had pulled away from him so quickly, but said nothing about it. Instead he just folded his own hands against his chest, watching his older brother quietly. Hanzo wished he could see Genji’s face, it would make it so much easier to read him, to see if Genji was actually being truthful. 

“You didn’t do anything Genji, don’t be absurd.” Hanzo muttered, looking away and instead focusing on one of the wolves. They’d both decided they were going to be there for a while, as one had taken a seat and the other had completely flopped down on the floor to nap. He would have ushered the wolves to leave and just walked away, but he could feel Genji’s eyes on him, expectant, worried. 

“Then why do you avoid me so? Why do you make yourself scarce any time we do not have to be around one another?” Genji’s tone was sad, upset, like he was hurt by Hanzo trying to keep his distance. It was… Jarring to say the least. Hanzo would have expected Genji to be glad he was keeping at least somewhat away. He was trying to avoid Genji mostly for Genji’s sake anyways. He didn’t want his brother to have to be around the man that murdered him more than he had to. Nor did he feel like he should have even been around Genji anyways. 

“This is not something to discuss now Genji.” Hanzo snapped, stiffening a bit under his brother’s gaze. He hated the way Genji looked at him, how his brother sounded so hurt by everything. How Genji’s demeanor reminded him so much of when they were children, before everything went to hell and Genji was asking about why Hanzo was cross with him. Like it was some problem easily solved. 

“Why not? Why can we not discuss this now? Why does it have to wait Hanzo? What could you possibly be waiting for?” Genji’s annoyance matched Hanzo’s as he took another half-step forward. 

“Why do you do this Hanzo? Why do you agree to come back and then not even speak to me when we are with each other?” Hanzo paused a bit at that, before his frown deepened, shoulders pulling tight with anger. Was Genji an idiot? Could he not see that Hanzo was distancing himself for his brother’s sake? So Genji didn’t have to deal with him?

“Are you blind? Why would I put you through that?” Hanzo growled, lip curling a bit, disgusted with himself. He didn’t need to explain anything to Genji, but he had a feeling his brother would be on him until he was offered some sort of explanation. 

“I killed you Genji! Why would I expect you to want to be around the man who murdered you?” Hanzo bordered on shouting, jaw clenched as he glared his brother down. Genji balked slightly under his brother’s anger, before pushing forward again, reaching out to shove Hanzo lightly. 

“You never so much as bothered to ask me!” Genji spat, taking a step forward towards his brother. Hanzo wasn’t sure how to react to that, Genji wasn’t wrong. He had never stopped to ask his brother, he hadn’t thought he needed to. Sure Genji had asked him to come back, but there was a difference between taking care of family out of obligation and actually wanting to be close to someone. 

“Did it cross your mind that perhaps I wanted you around because I still care?” The younger Shimada was slowly getting more worked up, pointing a finger directly in Hanzo’s face as the taller of the pair recoiled slightly, startled and unsure of how to handle his younger brother. 

“Perhaps if you took a moment to get over yourself and fucking talk to me then I could have told you I do not want us to be like this forever.” Genji was bordering on shouting himself, only pushing Hanzo’s annoyance further. He didn’t know if Genji quite understood the logic behind him not wanting to be around his brother. 

“Genji you don’t understand-” Hanzo was cut off with a furious sound from his brother as Genji lifted a hand to pull the mask from his face, uncovering scarred skin as he pushed the visor up back from his forehead, exposing black hair with long faded green at the very ends of the strands. 

“Then tell me Hanzo, because I am sick of this.” Genji was obviously at the end of his rope, angry, brows furrowed scarred skin and still-bright eyes flashed with fury. 

“If you have still have a problem with me tell me now, stop all of this.” Genji growled, lips pulled back in an annoyed grimace. Hanzo faltered slightly at that. His brother could have a bit of a blunt streak, but he hadn’t seen it come out since they were children. Probably because he avoided Genji like the plague. But Hanzo was still annoyed that Genji had the audacity to corner him in such a way. Not only that but he was so tired, tired of keeping away from his brother, of trying to keep himself under control at all times around others. 

“I don’t deserve it Genji.” It was a low growl from Hanzo, he refused to look up, to meet his brother’s eyes. But he could see Genji’s face change from fury to shock, almost guilt. 

“How can you look at me? How can you meditate in the same room as the man who tried to murder you in cold blood?” Hanzo’s voice slowly started to increase in volume again. Frustration mixed with guilt, pushing his manufactured composure to its limit. How could Genji not see the logic behind the situation? How could Genji insist they needed to talk when it would just be best for Hanzo to keep as much distance from his brother as possible?

“I have made peace with what happened between us Hanzo. I had hoped you would be able to do the same when you returned.” Genji’s volume dropped slightly, softening as he reached out again. Hanzo didn’t flinch away from him that time, but he stiffened under Genji’s hand. 

“Why on earth would you want that?” Hanzo huffed. He truly didn’t understand, he couldn’t possibly believe that Genji wanted him to get better. And yet there his brother was, telling him that not only did he hope Hanzo would recover but that they could be close again. 

“Because you are my brother, Hanzo.” Genji’s voice dropped, grip on Hanzo’s shoulder tightening as he ducked to try to catch Hanzo’s eyes. Hanzo refused, stubbornly looking away as he chewed on his bottom lip, unsure. That didn’t count for much, with them. Genji was his brother and he’d nearly died at Hanzo’s hands. And yet blood was what Genji based his argument on. It didn’t make sense. 

“That is a flawed reason.” Hanzo muttered, still refusing to meet Genji’s eyes as he felt the cyborg’s other hand rest against his other shoulder, holding tightly. It was pushing on his nerves, the close proximity to his brother was nearly choking him, pushing guilt up his throat and threatening to make him crack. 

“I do not care at this point Hanzo! I just want my brother back damn it!” Genji sounded distressed, and Hanzo finally looked up to catch his brother’s eyes. Genji’s look was pleading, torn somewhere between frustration and grief. It made Hanzo’s chest out. Some long-forgotten part of him aching to reach out to hug his brother, ease Genji’s nerves, tell him it was alright and he still cared immensely. 

“You were always there, whenever father told me I was a disgrace, when I got myself hurt during training.” Hanzo watched Genji warily, he could remember those times. When Genji was just a child, and he would patch up his brother’s scraped knees and bruised elbows in his father’s absence. Or when his brother came to him crying after a nightmare. He’d given Genji the opportunity to stay a child for longer, to be vulnerable longer. He’d never wanted Genji to turn out like him, hardened, cynical… But in the end he’d allowed exactly that to happen. 

“You did not used to push me away like this Hanzo, please. Do not keep doing this, I can still be here for you. You must allow yourself to heal.” There was pain written clear across Genji’s face, and it had Hanzo faltering. There had been times when Hanzo had crumbled under pressure during his training, when he’d broken down behind closed doors and Genji had slipped in to offer him reassurance. As much as his little brother didn’t understand he’d tried his best to keep Hanzo’s morale up the best he could. And Hanzo had repaid his little brother’s innocent kindness by treating it like weakness. 

He’d repaid his brother by trying to kill him. 

“I know you are having issues with adjusting Hanzo, I do. But I want you around, I want to help.” Genji’s voice softened a bit as Hanzo eyed him. He didn’t know how to react, it was a lot of information to take in all at once, Genji still looked so clearly upset, allowing himself to be openly vulnerable like he had been when they were young. 

“Please, just let me help.” 

Hanzo was torn, he still felt like he needed to distance himself. Like he’d somehow harm Genji just by being near him. But the plea from his brother’s lips hurt. It truly did. He wanted nothing more than to be close to Genji again, to be able to hear about what he’d missed in his brother’s life. He just wanted his brother back as well. Distancing himself from Genji hurt, and it did nothing good for his mental state. 

He did still care about his brother, immensely so. He worried any time Genji was sent on missions, he’d asked Zenyatta about Genji on more than one occasion. It just hadn’t crossed his mind that they could actually be close again. And with the prospect staring him straight in the face, Hanzo was almost afraid to reach for it. Too much would be different, Genji would realize the brother he knew was long gone and would regret ever trying to reconcile. 

But there was still a chance there…

The elder Shimada moved without thinking, taking a half-step forward to wrap his arms around his brother. It was instinct, what he’d been fighting to push down for what felt like forever, the urge to protect his little brother, ease Genji’s distress. And Genji seemed to freeze up at first, stilling long enough for Hanzo to consider pulling away. Before, abruptly, Genji’s arms slid over Hanzo’s shoulders, hands finding purchase against Hanzo’s shirt as Genji’s grip tightened like a vice. 

“I’m… So sorry.” Hanzo blurted, letting himself lean forward into the hug, bumping his temple against the top of Genji’s head before Genji moved to push his face against his brother’s shoulder. Hanzo just wasn’t sure what else to say, it was the only thing he could think to even mention. And it was true, he couldn’t even articulate how sorry he was for doing something so horrible. But Genji just shook his head, fingers flexing against Hanzo’s shoulders. 

“Just- stop, I know-” Genji was crying, it had Hanzo blinking in surprise but it wasn’t hard to tell the other man was choking down tears when he spoke. His voice wavered, enough that anyone could have picked up with ease. It had Hanzo softening, holding his brother tighter, closer. 

“I know Hanzo, there is no need to apologize, it is behind us.” Genji muttered. It had Hanzo looking down at his brother, how Genji’s frame pressed against his own, cybernetic shoulders hunching in towards him, like Genji was afraid Hanzo would slip away if he wasn’t cemented to his brother wherever possible. 

Hanzo wasn’t sure how to follow the hug up, but Genji seemed intent on clinging to him for the moment. So Hanzo just took a second to breathe, raising a hand to rest on the back of Genji’s head, giving him a somewhat awkward pat. Genji just seemed content to stay there, and so Hanzo let him. He found himself looking to the wolves, one of which had dozed off on the floor. The other watched the pair intently, curious almost. 

“I missed you.” Genji croaked after a long moment. It had Hanzo blinking, before he softened again, eyes falling to Genji’s shoulder as he gave his brother a squeeze. He hadn’t realized Genji would miss him. It didn’t make sense, but Hanzo knew his brother, and how bad of a liar Genji was when he was emotional. And hearing that from his brother had guilt pulling at him. He’d actively avoided his brother even when Genji was in the same room as him. And he’d missed his brother too, so goddamn much. 

“I missed you too Genji.” He mumbled after a long pause, resting his chin on Genji’s shoulder as his brother shifted his weight. Genji was silent for a long moment before pulling away, already lifting a hand to dry his eyes with a huff and a quiet sniffle. 

“Do you want to join me for breakfast?” The question was abrupt but casual as Genji stooped to pick up the mask he’d discarded to the floor. Hanzo hadn’t really thought of what else to do after reaching out to Genji like that, but that was, definitely a start to say the least. So after a moment of thought he nodded. He supposed he could. It would be a good way to test the waters. Genji seemed happy with his agreement though, a smile crossing his face before he clipped the piece of metal back in front of his face. The visor slid into place as well, completely hiding Genji’s features. 

They made quiet small talk as Genji led Hanzo off to the kitchen. Hanzo had to catch himself several times, nearly telling himself he needed to remove himself from the situation. But he kept on. If Genji wanted him around then dammit he could at least try to offer his brother that. He still couldn’t comprehend why Genji would want him around in the least, but maybe he didn’t have to. He still enjoyed being around his brother. That much was obvious as Genji pulled him into helping cook breakfast. 

Eventually though, they ran out of quiet small talk and Hanzo got antsy in the silence as he paused to lean against the counter. 

“What did you… do, after I-” He paused, unsure what to call it. But Genji looked up, tapping his spoon against the edge of the pan he was using thoughtfully. Thankfully he spoke before Hanzo had to scramble to finish his statement. 

“Overwatch picked me up.” Genji offered, he didn’t sound upset about it, clearing his throat as he turned back to what he was cooking. 

“They made sure I stayed alive, but Blackwatch took me in properly. Overwatch did not want anyone from a criminal empire. It would have soiled their reputation.” Genji gave a soft snort, shaking his head. Hanzo just listened quietly, unsure of how to react. How could Genji be so nonchalant about all that, surely it had been an awful period in his life. 

“Blackwatch was better, they repaired me, but doctor Ziegler was in charge of this-” Genji paused to motion to himself, supposedly referring to the cybernetics. Which made sense, from what Hanzo had heard of Jesse’s time in Blackwatch, their doctor hadn’t been the most trustworthy person. 

“And I stayed with them. Commander Reyes was a good man to work under. I have never seen one man fight so hard for those who followed him.” Genji’s shoulders dropped a bit, hand stilling before he shook himself and cleared his throat. Obviously it was a sore spot for him, and it had Hanzo frowning a bit, wondering what had happened. 

“He met his end when the swiss base went down. McCree and I were long gone, but he was not so lucky. It is said that his funeral honored him well.” Genji’s tone was somber, mournful. Hanzo couldn’t help but reach out to squeeze his brother’s shoulder lightly, trying to offer the other man some reassurance. Their own father had favored him without remorse. It’d always been hard on Genji, so Hanzo could only imagine what it was like for his brother to finally have someone to look up to, only to have them torn away like that. 

“It- It is alright. Thank you.” Genji ducked his head a bit as he pulled the pan off the heat. Hanzo was sure his brother wasn’t in a big mood to talk about that sort of thing after earlier. On the other hand, he was glad that Genji was open to talking to him at all. Let alone sharing about the commander he’d cared about.

They took a moment of quiet to plate up food before Hanzo broke off briefly to retrieve the wolves’ breakfast as well. The pair pranced excitedly as he retrieved the raw cuts of meat from the fridge. Thankfully the two were patient enough that they didn’t jump on Hanzo as he set their food down on the floor for them. Once that was done though, they tore right in. Hanzo took up his place across from Genji after that, watching the other man unclip his visor and all yet again. 

“So how did you end up running across those two?” The question from Genji was tentative as he picked up a fork to poke at his food. Hanzo paused at that. It was a good question, of course, because it was something Hanzo still wondered himself. But he hadn’t expected Genji to ask so bluntly. It wasn’t something he really thought about too much any more. 

It took him a moment of thought to even compose an answer as Genji pushed his food around on his plate idly, eyes flickering up to his brother as he waited for an answer. Hanzo would give his brother credit for not backing down after asking a question, but damn, it was a little unnerving to be sitting there with his brother trying to catch up. 

“After I abandoned the clan, father sent head hunters after me.” Hanzo frowned. It had been jarring the first time around. He’d had to duck away from sword-strikes and take an armed assassin down with his bare hands. It’d cost him a few scars but it’d been a good wakeup call, and it certainly wasn’t the first assassin sent for him. 

“Each time I took one down he would send more. Eventually he had three different bounty hunters tracking me and I was… So tired.” He sighed. It was a bad memory, the days spent on the run, barely stopping long enough to sleep, paranoid about who was watching him. He knew he was being tracked. 

“So I disappeared. I went completely off the grid. I never planned to stay, but…” He looked to the wolves as they flopped down on the floor, both licking their muzzles to clean them of any blood or bits of meat. He remembered the day he’d found them, how the two cubs had cried in fear when he approached and huddled closer against the frozen corpse of another wolf. There had been three other cubs, but they were long cold. And the pair he had rescued were emaciated and dying quickly. 

“I found them and I couldn’t let them die. So I stayed out there for them.” Hanzo shrugged, pushing his food around before finally taking a bite. Genji nodded a bit at that, fading hair flopping into his face before he pushed it back with a scowl. Hanzo wasn’t sure how much Genji wanted to know, but there wasn’t really much to tell. After the days he’d spent on the run it’d all been the same for years. 

But those weeks… Those weeks had been awful. He’d been struggling to cope with himself after Genji’s death, constantly hounded by the fear of his family tracking him down, and unsure what to do with himself. He’d known nothing but the clan all his life. He could deal in weapons and different types of narcotics and opiates without batting an eyelash. But normal social settings were… different. Hell, he still didn’t know how to interact with other people beyond making polite conversation and analyzing them without thinking. It was no way to live. 

“It sounds like they did not take well to you leaving.” Genji made a face as he swallowed a mouthful of food, scarred skin pulling as he wrinkled his nose. Hanzo was slowly adjusting to the sight, Genji had definitely gotten more scars than just the ones he’d caused but he was slowly getting used to how Genji looked. His brother had changed so much, lankier than he used to be, Genji had once been nearly as muscled as Hanzo was. But it was likely that cybernetic muscle wasn’t as bulky as actual flesh. It was still odd to see. Though it was Genji’s features Hanzo was having the most trouble with. He couldn’t look at Genji without guilt wandering somewhere into his mind. 

He swallowed it to respond to Genji again. 

“They did not. I gave them no warning until the night I left. Had I done so they would have executed me. Or done more… unsavory things.” Hanzo didn’t want to think into what his family would have done to him had they any idea he harbored a desire to leave. They’d already branded him when he was a teenager to make sure he always remembered who he was. His tattoo could have been removed at any time if he so wished it. But the brand was a constant reminder, the Shimada seal standing stark against his skin on his shoulder. 

“A wise choice, I’m sure.” Genji hummed, meeting his brother’s eyes quietly. Hanzo faltered under his brother’s gaze before dropping his eyes and nodding. He was still trying to shake the awkward feeling that came with being around his little brother again for the first time in years. And trying to act like it was a normal thing for them. 

“Didn’t think I’d see you two here together.” The warm drawl echoed from the doorway of the kitchen, startling Hanzo enough that he jumped visibly. He turned to look at where the familiar figure leaned against the doorframe. A lazy grin graced Jesse’s features, crinkling the corners of his eyes as he pushed away from the doorframe he leaned against to step into the kitchen. 

“We were-” Genji glanced back at his brother in time to catch his eyes, blinking for a moment before he turned his gaze back to McCree, drawing himself up a bit. Hanzo didn’t do the same, just poking a bit at his food, awkward. He knew that Jesse thought he needed to let Genji in again, but he didn’t really need the cowboy there to analyze their interactions or anything. 

“We were just catching up.” Genji finished. Jesse offered a nod in response, wandering over to where there was coffee brewing. Hanzo wasn’t great with technology but he could appreciate the fully automated coffee maker that connected to Athena and everything. The AI still freaked him out sometimes but he couldn’t be bothered when it came to not having to brew coffee every morning. 

“Well ain’t that good to hear. Don’t let me intrude though, just grabbin’ a bite before gettin’ some training in.” Jesse made a face at that, patting his abdomen as he reached up to get a mug from one of the cabinets. 

“Gotta keep up a good schedule if I wanna keep any of this in check, ‘m gettin’ old.” The cowboy huffed a bit, causing Hanzo to arch an eyebrow. He thought Jesse looked fine. Sure the other man was a bit soft around the middle, but he was nearly forty. As was Hanzo himself. The only reason he’d managed to keep in such shape was a combination of harsh self-discipline and a diet that was composed mostly of different varieties of protein. After years of nothing but what one could get in the woods, Hanzo didn’t acclimate well to baked goods or confections of any variety. Hana had tried to get him to eat sweets once near the beginning of his stay and he’d nearly been sick after two.

“You are not that old Jesse.” Genji piped up, shifting to turn around and look back at the cowboy as Jesse fixed himself a cup of coffee. One eyebrow arched, a low snort leaving the cowboy. 

“Says the one who don’t gotta do shit to keep in shape.” He teased, a grin pulling at the corner of his mouth as he lifted his mug to take a sip. He was obviously teasing, but he was definitely right. Genji may have only been a year younger than the cowboy but his body didn’t require daily routines to keep in peak physical condition. 

“Would you like to join us though? We made plenty of food.” Genji offered, nodding to the couple of pans still sitting on the stainless steel counter. Jesse hummed a bit at that, glancing over at the food curiously before shrugging. 

“I don’t wanna intrude, seems like you two are havin’ a good time as is.” Jesse glanced between the brothers, earning a shrug from Hanzo. He didn’t mind either way. Jesse was company he could enjoy so he wouldn’t be bothered by the other man’s presence. 

“It’s no bother.” Hanzo waved a hand, glancing away from the cowboy when a head butted against his thigh. One of the wolves was getting restless. Usually after mediation Hanzo took them outside to run around. They were bored after being cooped up for so long. Hanzo offered a sympathetic sound before dropping a hand to ruffle the wolf’s ears, trying to placate the canine for the moment. 

“I can’t be much longer anyways. I have to take them outside sooner than later.” Hanzo nodded to the wolves. They really had started to fidget. And after eating they’d have more energy. Jesse nodded to that though, humming a bit as he took another sip off of his coffee. 

“Makes sense, they gotta be full’a energy huh?” Jesse looked over at the pair that were eyeing Hanzo expectantly. He nodded in agreement. They really were, seeing as they were used to roaming about in seemingly endless stretches of forest and not being cooped up in a military base. So to make up for their move, Hanzo brought them outside regularly, and spent a good half of his day outside with them, even if it was just as simple as bringing them out on his daily run. 

“Yes, they get moody if they don’t get to go outdoors, and they chew.” He made a face, it was something he’d learned the hard way within his first few weeks at the base. They’d chewed most of the furniture in his room and a pair of his shoes before he’d figured out what the problem was. 

“They sound like puppies.” Jesse offered a quiet laugh, and damn was it a sight to see. The other man was still ruffled from sleep, his hair a mess and his shirt pulling just a little too tight over his chest whenever he lowered his cup. And god was he attractive like that, the smile and the fondness he looked on the wolves with had Hanzo disarmed at best. 

He hadn’t realized he was staring until Genji flicked his hand. 

It was then that Hanzo cleared his throat and looked away, embarrassed by the fact that his brother had caught him eyeing the cowboy. Who, in Hanzo’s defense had no right to look so good in an old tee and sweatpants. 

“They are very similar, they never had a chance to be housebroken when they were young.” Hanzo shrugged, clearing his throat before he moved to get up. The wolf that had been butting against his leg nearly tripped him as the other got up as well. Two canines trailed after Hanzo as he crossed the kitchen to put his plate in the sink. 

“I should be going now anyways, they’re restless.” He glanced between Genji and Jesse, sincerely hoping he wasn’t being rude for excusing himself. They truly did want to go out, but Hanzo also didn’t want to intrude on his brother and Jesse having a chance to talk together. Jesse blinked a bit at him before shrugging and offering Hanzo a smile. 

“No worries Hanzo, let ‘em go romp, we’ll be here for a while I bet.” Jesse glanced over at Genji over his coffee, and Genji nodded in agreement. Did they want him to come back when the two had expended some energy? Surely not, that would be strange. Though both of them had been persistent about wanting him around, so who was he to tell?

For the moment though, he offered Jesse a slight nod before waving to Genji and moving to duck out. The wolves pranced ahead of him, circling back excitedly to bump against his legs and urge him to go faster. They were energetic for sure. But Hanzo had a lot on his mind. It was good to have a second to breathe. He just had a lot to think about. Not only did he have to seriously think into his relationship with his brother, but he had to figure out why he kept getting distracted by McCree every time the other man sent a smile his way. 

It was just a lot to process, and a lot to consider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual I love hearing from you guys so feel free to drop a comment if you want to!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay everyone! I ended up being completely away from my laptop for a good week before the current event started, so I've been either super busy, not had my laptop, or I've been grinding for Hanzo's Scion skin. (I haven't gotten it yet either, pray for me guys) But I wanted to give you guys this chapter! It's a bit filler-y but I promise it's actually plot-relevant and there's gonna be stuff happening soon. Sorry for keeping you guys waiting so long!

The watchpoint was silent. 

This wasn’t uncommon between certain hours of the day, but it was still strange to only hear the soft whirs and hums of the ventilation system thrumming through the base. Hanzo slunk down the halls quietly. His own footsteps completely silent, socks made no sound against linoleum floors. However, freshly trimmed and filed claws still made an awful clatter. 

Hanzo had actually taken to trimming the wolve’s nails. Mostly so they made less noise, and also so they didn’t hurt anyone else they played with aside from him. They’d left a few scratches on the metal plates of Genji’s cybernetics already. So even if Hanzo himself didn’t mind the razor sharp claws the wolves were used to sporting, he figured it was best to keep the pair’s claws trimmed. They didn’t seem too pleased about it during actual trimming, but their moods didn’t change much when all was said and done. 

Though, while trimming claws kept the wolves from hurting people accidentally, it didn’t make them any quieter. Hanzo had already decided to abstain from taking the wolves on missions (when he was cleared for them, at least) for several reasons. But had he not already made that choice, he may have kept from taking them based solely on how goddam loud they were. 

They could be loud in the halls of the base, but not when it was any kind of stealth mission. 

Even if there was nothing to worry about around base, Hanzo still winced at their every step, before he was finally able to open the door to the range for them. They’d wanted to go out, but he didn’t feel like trekking across the large base to let them out at their favorite spot in the middle of the night. With the range they could still see the stars and it was much closer to Hanzo’s rooms. 

They were only a couple steps out into the range when Hanzo heard the first shot. It made the wolves yelp and whine, they hated abrupt loud noises. And in their panic they shied behind Hanzo’s legs like scared pups. He had startled at the gunshot himself, but he was used to the sounds of gunfire. A shot ringing out in the dead of night when his father had tired of dealing with some lowly gang moron, the sound of a rifle shot echoing around a city block and the sound of a round whizzing right past him, close enough to make anyone’s heart race. 

But he knew the sound of the gunshot he heard relatively well. It was distinct enough that Hanzo relaxed after hearing the first, anticipating the fire rate of the weapon. The wolves continued to cower, but with a soft click from Hanzo they both plopped down, sitting. They were excruciatingly well trained, they had to be. And they sat and stayed obediently as Hanzo stepped off to find the source of the gunshots. The range was large, filled with both mobile bots (all inactive for the night) and standing targets. 

It was there that he spotted the familiar form of the cowboy, hazy in the dark. He was lit only by the occasional flash from the end of his gun, illuminating the tense line of his arm. Even in the half-light, Hanzo could see the neat clusters of holes in the center of each target. Obviously Jesse had been there for a while. 

He paused a good distance away, watching Jesse unload the gun into an unassuming target before he paused to reload, that was when Hanzo chose to speak up. 

“Perhaps your aim could use work?” It was a dry comment, a passable attempt at humor. But Jesse still jumped, nearly dropping both weapon and ammunition as he turned to look over his shoulder at Hanzo. 

“Real funny archer.” Jesse’s tone was gruff, unamused. It had Hanzo blinking in surprise, usually Jesse would have laughed, snorted, something. The cowboy had always had a good sense of humor. So the abrupt change in mood had Hanzo scowling. Jesse obviously wasn’t in a good place, immediately turning back to reloading Peacekeeper without another word to Hanzo. 

Hanzo wasn’t about to let up though. Jesse hadn’t when he’d been busy dealing with his own thoughts, why should he give up so quickly on Jesse? So instead of walking away, he moved closer, steps still quiet as he watched Jesse roll his shoulders, moving to take aim again. 

“What troubles you, McCree?” Blunt, perhaps, but to the point. Hanzo wasn’t messing around. If Jesse did want him gone, he’d find somewhere else to bring the wolves out, but Jesse had never seemed the type to push people away. Then again, Hanzo couldn’t be sure, he’d never seen Jesse at his worst as far as he knew. 

“Nothin’ you need to worry about.” Jesse still sounded gruff, angry almost. Hanzo wasn’t ready to back down though, he’d dealt with the full extent of his father’s rage when he was young, he could deal with McCree. 

“Well, you aren’t doing a good job of convincing me I shouldn’t worry.” Hanzo pointed out. He paused about arm’s length from Jesse, eyeing the way the other man’s shoulders pulled up, tense. Hanzo ended up reaching out without thinking. It was what he was supposed to do right? Offer comfort where he could? He knew from Genji that Jesse responded to physical comfort more than anything. But he still felt Jesse tense up under his hand when he laid it on the cowboy’s shoulder. 

“Do you need somethin’, Shimada?” Jesse snapped, and Hanzo caught the edge of a glare over the cowboy’s shoulder as Jesse shot him a look. That was new. Was Jesse actually angry at him? Or just lashing out because he was hurting, and didn’t want anyone to notice. Hanzo frowned, not moving his hand for the moment, he simply lingered, thinking over his next words carefully. 

“You’re upset, Jesse, I wish to help if I can.” He kept his voice even, gentle almost. But there was a firm edge to it, a reminder to Jesse that Hanzo wasn’t easily deterred. Jesse had offered Hanzo the same kind of comfort before, Hanzo only saw it fit to repay the kind deed. That was how he operated at least. 

“I’m not-” Hanzo could feel Jesse’s arm tensing, grip on Peacekeeper tightening as he dropped his head. Hanzo waited as the cowboy drew a long, shuddering breath, tendons in his jaw working as he grit his teeth. 

“-‘S nothin’ you can help with Hanzo.” The aggression seeped out of Jesse’s tone, his eyes dropping closed as Hanzo watched him quietly. There it was, something, some admission that maybe all wasn’t well. Hanzo offered the other man’s shoulder a squeeze, glancing back to where the wolves were still waiting for him, around the corner near the door. 

“Perhaps talking about it would help?” Hanzo offered, turning his gaze back to Jesse. He’d never been good at comforting others but Jesse was there, and he was yielding, so that was encouraging at least. Though he got another look over Jesse’s shoulder, still leaving his hand where it was. 

“You got enough on your own plate Shimada.” Jesse huffed, dropping his head and lifting a hand to rub a hand over his face. Hanzo arched an eyebrow at that, maybe Jesse had a point, but his own issues didn’t mean he couldn’t help. 

“If I thought hearing your troubles would cause me distress I wouldn’t offer to listen.” He pointed out, dropping his hand to fold his arms over his chest, stubborn. If Jesse truly didn’t want to talk, Hanzo would make himself scarce. But Jesse hadn’t told him to leave, he’d just made excuses as to why he couldn’t talk. 

“Or if you don’t wish to talk about it, I can offer you my company. I’m up anyways to let the wolves out.” Hanzo pointed out, nodding towards where the wolves still waited for him. He hadn’t called them to him yet, mostly because he knew they’d jump on Jesse, or at least try to sniff him with vigor. The cowboy had become one of their favorite people aside from Hanzo. The archer blamed it on the fact that Jesse always seemed to have treats for them. Whether they were actual dog treats, scraps of things like bacon, or other assorted things wolves were not designed to consume. 

Jesse seemed to hesitate at the offer though, glancing towards where Hanzo had nodded. The wolves were surely antsy with the loud noises having stopped and Hanzo having not returned. 

“I ain’t gonna stop you three from bein’ out here.” Jesse finally made eye contact with Hanzo, and Hanzo nodded slightly. The look in Jesse’s eyes was enough invitation for Hanzo. He was obviously exhausted, and wanted the company, but didn’t want to ask. That much was enough for Hanzo to let out a sharp whistle. Sure enough, the two wolves came bounding around the corner. They made a beeline for Jesse, one popping up to rest paws against Jesse’s thigh and snuffle at the man’s shirt, as the other circled Hanzo and Jesse both, sniffing Jesse’s legs in passing. 

“Goddamn, you ever train these two not to jump?” Jesse snorted, gently pushing the wolf away from his face as the large canine tried to lick him with enthusiasm. Hanzo stifled a snort at that before he moved to sit right there, so the other wolf could come over for a good scratch behind the ears. 

“No, I never minded them jumping, so I never thought to teach them not to. And now they are too old for me to teach them otherwise.” Hanzo sighed, watching Jesse sink to the ground as well. The cowboy still looked upset, but in seconds his lap was overflowing with a mass of muscle and dense fur. The wolves had always been good at telling when Hanzo wasn’t feeling his best, so Hanzo was sure that carried over with McCree. 

“How old are they then?” Jesse asked, curious as he buried his fingers in the wolf’s fur, leaning away from the cold nose shoved against his throat. Hanzo had never seen someone so comfortable with an apex predator pressed up against their jugular. Which was, almost worrying. But Hanzo was sure the wolf wouldn’t actually bite Jesse. 

“I’m not sure, a couple of years.” Hanzo shrugged. He wasn’t even sure what the life expectancy of a wolf was. And he wasn’t sure how to predict the difference since the pair was well-taken care of and living with humans and medical care. So he wasn’t sure how long he’d have the pair around. Though he knew he still had a couple of years. 

“Explains why they’ve got so much energy.” Jesse huffed a bit as the mass of fur in his arms squirmed to better adjust. The other wolf trotted off to go investigate one of the training bots, leaving Hanzo and Jesse mostly alone. 

“I believe so, they are still quite young.” They’d still been a bit gangly up until a few months before Genji came to find him. So Hanzo figured they couldn’t be considered more than young adults. 

He considered for a long moment before he shifted closer to Jesse, reaching out to scratch behind the wolf’s ears as the canine settled down, resting their chin against the crook of Jesse’s elbow. It was an interesting sight, the huge animal curled up in Jesse’s arms like it believed to be a laptop. Jesse turned his gaze to Hanzo when he moved closer, and it had Hanzo faltering before meeting Jesse’s eyes with a raised eyebrow. 

“You still don’t want to talk about it?” It was a blunt question, and probably a stupid one. As Hanzo was pretty sure he could predict exactly what Jesse was going to say. And he was right, Jesse shook his head quietly, dropping his eyes back to the mass of fur in his arms. 

“Nah, company’s nice though.” Well that was reassuring to hear. Hanzo hadn’t wanted to intrude at all, he had just wanted to do what he could to make sure Jesse wasn’t suffering alone. Besides the cool night air was nice. The stars reflected silver light against the back of Jesse’s shoulders and his hair, throwing his face into shadow. 

“That is good to hear.” Hanzo hummed a bit, letting his gaze wander away from the cowboy when Jesse dropped his eyes. The range looked much different at night, dramatic shadows dragged along asphalt, and the bots rested on the ground, ready to be booted up in the morning by Athena. The only sounds were the ones of Jesse’s breathing beside him, and the patter of claws as one of the wolves wove between the bots, sniffing each with curiosity. 

“You ever wish you could go back to ‘em?” The question startled Hanzo, though he didn’t quite understand it when it did sink in. Instead he arched an eyebrow at Jesse, leaning back on his hands a bit. 

“Go back to who?” Did Jesse mean the woods? Where Hanzo had raised the wolves and isolated himself to the point of not being able to handle human contact? Because if so he wasn’t sure how to answer that question any more. 

“Your family.” Jesse didn’t look up at Hanzo as he spoke, instead running his hands over the wolf he held, petting over soft fur. Though the clarification had Hanzo blanching, feeling himself pale as he faltered. 

“I am with my family, Genji is here.” Hanzo pointed out, firm.

“The Shimada clan are disgusting people, who forced their sons into killing each other, and tried to have me killed when I fled. I have no desire to interact with them in any sense, let alone to return to them.” Hanzo made a face. The memories were all horrible. And he hadn’t even gone into the fact that the family had been rampantly abusive. They were part of the reason Hanzo feared being a disgrace or anything of the sort. Any mistakes were typically met with physical punishment. 

“Makes sense, sorry for askin’.” Jesse faltered a bit, it was obvious he felt bad for asking when he spoke. He didn’t meet Hanzo’s eyes, just lifting a hand to rub a couple fingers over his temple, wincing. 

“It is fine Jesse, no need to apologize.” Hanzo shrugged. He didn’t see any issue with the question. Sure it was a sore subject, and he didn’t want to be reminded of his family in the slightest. But he didn’t mind Jesse asking. 

“Is there a reason you ask?” Hanzo countered quietly, eyeing Jesse as the other man shifted. The wolf in his lap gave a discontented grunt, squirming before pushing out of Jesse’s lap entirely to join his brother with a yip. Jesse shook his head after a long moment, sighing and folding his arms around himself quietly. 

“Just got a lot on my mind is all.” He shrugged, shifting how he sat. It had them brushing against each other at the shoulder. The contact should have surprised Hanzo, but he didn’t bat an eyelash at it, just letting Jesse do as he pleased for the moment. The other man had offered him a shoulder when he’d needed it most, he figured he could do the same for Jesse. Not to mention he’d grown to like contact with the other man. 

“That is understandable.” Hanzo agreed. Everyone on base had a lot of things going on. Whether it was related to what the reformed Overwatch was doing or whether it was personal. 

“I got a mission’ comin’ up, so I hope you three’ll be alright on your own. Genji, Ana ‘n I are goin’ on some big stealth thing.” Jesse huffed. Though hearing the other man would be leaving had Hanzo tensing up a bit. In his time on base Jesse had only left twice. Both for short missions where he was back the same day. 

“How long will you be gone?” Hanzo asked, trying not to sound upset by the new information. He’d just been getting close with Genji again, but if both Jesse and Genji left at the same time… Well, he wasn’t sure if he knew anyone else around base well enough to be comfortable around them. 

“Couple weeks probably, we gotta gather some serious intel on what Talon’s doin’.” Jesse huffed, making a face. That much was understandable, the group had been trying to track Talon as best as it could. But it was hard to do when the bastards were known for being slippery and falling under the radar of most major law enforcement with anything that wasn’t violent terrorism. 

Hearing how long Jesse would be gone had Hanzo grimacing. That didn’t sit well with him. Sure he knew that with Ana around, both Jesse and Genji would be fine… But it still bothered him, he’d miss them both, that much he knew. He’d grown far too used to having both of them around. 

“I don’t much like it either darlin’, trust me.” Jesse sighed. Hanzo heard him shift slightly, and definitely took note of when Jesse’s hand settled behind him, allowing the other man to shift his weight onto that hand. It didn’t bring Jesse any closer but it left Hanzo sitting practically in the crook of the other man’s arm. Which… Surprisingly enough, he didn’t mind. 

“It comes with what we are doing.” Hanzo shrugged quietly, glancing up at Jesse. The cowboy gave another low huff, running a hand through his hair. 

“Yeah I know, ‘s just a long time away is all.” Jesse looked back to him, and Hanzo was startled by the look he got. Jesse looked at him with a kind of softness he hadn’t seen in years. It was the same kind of look Hanzo had seen his mother give his father before they’d started to hate each other. It was a look he’d never seen anyone direct at him. And he didn’t know how to react to seeing that kind of… Affection from the cowboy. The way Jesse looked at him spoke more than he ever could with words. 

And quite frankly, it terrified Hanzo. 

“It is.” It was a stupid response, but Hanzo couldn’t think of anything else to say, just watching Jesse and unsure what to make of the situation. He’d been slowly coming to terms with the fact that maybe his brother and Jesse cared about him in more than a professional sense. But he hadn’t been expecting Jesse to look at him like he was the goddamn universe. It made Hanzo’s chest tight and he wasn’t sure if that was in a good way or a bad way. 

“I should bring the wolves back inside, they have to see Angela tomorrow and they should get more sleep.” Hanzo blurted. Suddenly the closeness to Jesse felt like it was going to stifle him. The cowboy blinked once, twice, and the look was gone, replaced by mild surprise. 

“Alright then, you three sleep well.” Hanzo was already getting to his feet when Jesse spoke. He didn’t want to be rude, but he needed to think, and he couldn’t do that around Jesse. He was sure he was overreacting, he had to be. There was no way that Jesse harbored that kind of affection for him. And even if he did… Hanzo wasn’t sure what to make of it. 

There was no way he could though, Hanzo simply offered the other man a quiet goodnight before whistling to the wolves and ducking inside. He was surely making a big deal out of nothing. Jesse just had to be tired, surely that was it. If Hanzo wasn’t severely misinterpreting the look he’d gotten from the other man, it was probably just a combination of Jesse being tired, and being close to someone he was friends with. 

That had to be it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for the wait, and I'm sorry that was a little shorter than average. I'm trying not to push myself too hard right now but I just wanted to get something out for you guys. Either way, I hope you enjoyed, and feel free to drop a comment if you did!


	9. Chapter 9

Without Genji present for morning meditations, times were quiet. Hanzo rarely had much to say even when his brother was there but Genji and Zenyatta often filled the silence with quiet chatter when they weren’t actively meditating. Instead Hanzo and Zenyatta both took in silence, it was refreshing at first. Hanzo enjoyed that the omnic didn’t expect conversation like many others did. The most that passed between them were quiet comments about the wolves every now and then when the canines would be fidgety.

As their conversations were few and far between, hearing the omnic speak up after ending their meditation that morning surprised Hanzo to say the least.

“You miss them?” The question was quiet, tentative more than anything. It had Hanzo pausing before he could get up from where he’d knelt. As they had moved meditations outside, they were on the grass, and the wolves lounged a few feet away, glad to enjoy the air but not awake enough so early to romp.

Though when the omnic got a confused look instead of a response, Zenyatta gave a faint huff and folded his hands in his lap. Hanzo just wondered what stock Zenyatta had in him answering that question. Sure the omnic had been doing what he could to help mend the Shimadas’ fractured relationship, but he’d asked about both Genji and Jesse, presumably.

The pair had been gone for what felt like ages. And Hanzo did miss them, he missed taking breakfast with Genji after meditation. He missed how he and Jesse would bump into each other sometimes, how Jesse would lean against the rail of the stairs and smoke when Hanzo let the wolves outside to run about, how they’d make idle conversation and just enjoy each other’s company.

“What do you mean by that?” Hanzo frowned a bit, shifting to fold his legs properly, as it was more comfortable. Zenyatta just watched him quietly as he shifted, and even if the omnic didn’t physically have eyes, Hanzo could feel the omnic’s gaze on him, reading him as well as Zenyatta read his brother. Hanzo liked to think that he and Genji shared no mannerisms, but somewhere he knew that was a lie. They’d grown up with the same parents, they had to have the same tells.

“I mean simply that, you miss Genji and McCree.” There was a warm tone in Zenyatta’s synthetic voice that Hanzo certainly didn’t miss. Amusement? He couldn’t place it, but it was different than Zenyatta’s usual tranquil monotone. Enough to make him arch a quizzical eyebrow.

“You’ve allowed yourself to open your heart enough to miss them, it is a big step for you Hanzo.” Zenyatta reached out to rest a hand on Hanzo’s shoulder even as the archer’s confusion melted into a scowl.

“Genji is my brother, and I cannot be rid of the cowboy, what else do you expect? I simply miss routine.” Hanzo protested, shrugging the omnic’s hand off. He did miss the pair, he was sure of it. But he wasn’t so sure he was emotionally attached again. It had been creeping up on him sure, but he didn’t want to admit it. He had simply been settling into life, it was the change that bothered him.

“You do care for them though, do not lie to yourself Hanzo, they can see it, as can I.” Zenyatta persisted, folding his hands back into his lap as Hanzo mustered a halfhearted glare in the omnic’s direction. As much as he hated to admit it, he did care for Genji and Jesse. It was hard not to when they seemed to be around him near constantly. It was either that or he should have come to hate them.

“Perhaps I do, but that much is rational.” Hanzo huffed, not meeting Zenyatta’s gaze. It was only human. And as hard as it had been for Hanzo to adjust in his time at Gibraltar, he was still human at his core, and he was willing to accept that. If only because nobody would let him forget it. Zenyatta didn’t seem like he was done with the topic though, eyeing Hanzo as the wolves shifted in the background, making huffing sounds at each other. It was routine enough to just be white noise to Hanzo, the lazy snap of jaws as they shifted about each other, annoying one another.

“And yet you are still afraid of McCree.” Hanzo blinked at Zenyatta’s blunt statement. The warmth was still there, but nowhere near as much, instead the monk watched Hanzo carefully as the archer processed what Zenyatta had said.

“Excuse me? I could not fear the cowboy if he had a knife to my throat.” Hanzo protested. He had a feeling he could best the cowboy in a fistfight. Perhaps not with ease, but he certainly wasn’t afraid of Jesse. The cowboy was too easygoing and sweet to be any sort of a threat.

“That is not what I mean.” Zenyatta’s tone softened upon seeing Hanzo’s indignant scowl. Instead coaxing even more confusion out of the Shimada. Hanzo had no idea what Zenyatta was talking about then. He didn’t fear Jesse but what other way was there to fear someone?

“You fear emotional intimacy with McCree.” Zenyatta elaborated. Though the statement had Hanzo blinking. Emotional intimacy? He didn’t like that at all! Not just concerning McCree. Hell it had terrified him the day he and Genji had properly spoken to each other for the first time in decades, and he’d allowed himself to tell Genji he had missed him, of all things. McCree wasn’t special.

“I loathe emotional intimacy in all situations.” He corrected with a huff, folding his arms over his midsection. Zenyatta was just telling him things he already knew. He’d been trying to adapt, not to make friends with everyone and tell them all of his deeply rooted emotional issues. As he no longer had panic attacks when anyone touched him and could function otherwise normally, he saw no need to force himself to be emotional around anyone.

“Yes but with Jesse in particular.” Zenyatta held up a hand when Hanzo opened his mouth to protest, earning a glare and a half-growl of frustration from the archer. Instead he paused to steeple his fingers, watching Hanzo for a moment.

“You fear the result of opening up to him more than you already have, and more than anything you are terrified of how he feels for you.” Zenyatta stated. As if it was fact, as if Hanzo actually cared about such things as someone’s opinion. That was absurd. He couldn’t care less what other people thought about him for the most part. If they hated him, which he was sure most did, that was on them and he likely couldn’t do anything to change their minds.

“You are afraid of letting others care for you Hanzo, both Genji and I have seen it.” Zenyatta continued, watching Hanzo’s face carefully over metal fingers. Hanzo frowned at that. He wasn’t afraid of other’s caring about him, he just didn’t think they should. Why should they care about him? He wasn’t worth much, no matter what he told himself. That much he knew, no matter how hard he’d been working to improve on his thoughts, he was still not worth others caring about him.

“Why do you think that McCree seeks you out so often?” Zenyatta asked, tentative once more as Hanzo shifted his weight, fingers flexing in annoyance. He didn’t think Jesse saw anything in him. Who could after all? Perhaps later in life he could find some way to redeem himself. But he was still a disaster.

“Jesse is an outgoing person.” Hanzo pointed out, scowling at the omnic. He didn’t get what Zenyatta was talking about, Jesse didn’t see anything more than casual friendship in him and even then he couldn’t care past professional interest!

“He’s friends with everyone on base anyways.” The archer persisted. It was true, Jesse seemed to talk to everyone. Even if some people didn’t seem to like the cowboy much and even if he wasn’t super close with everyone, Jesse could always seem to find some sliver of common ground.

“And yet he seeks you out more than anyone.” Zenyatta commented. Hanzo huffed at that. He was sure Zenyatta was just playing it up.

“If anything we’re simply friends, Zenyatta, no more.” Hanzo muttered, dropping his gaze. People could be friends and not get anywhere near emotional intimacy. That was just how some people worked.

“What makes you think he could not care more for you?” The omnic pressed on, frustrating Hanzo further. How could Zenyatta not see! Even if he wanted to be closer to Jesse he couldn’t! For so many reasons. Primarily because he could never bother Jesse with everything he had on his plate-  
Oh.

He paused, blinking, before swallowing a groan of frustration and dropping his head to his hands. He didn’t dare get closer to Jesse because it meant opening up, telling Jesse about what haunted him so Jesse could know how to handle the absolute fucking disaster that he was.

“Because it requires you opening up to him, does it not?” Zenyatta spoke up, almost smug as he rested a hand atop Hanzo’s head. Hanzo just offered a low huff, annoyed. How had he not realized such a thing? And why did Zenyatta have to point it out.

“Perhaps you should think about that while Jesse and Genji are away. It will be good for you if you can understand why you are afraid of emotional intimacy.” Zenyatta hummed softly. And maybe he was right. Hanzo hadn’t even realized that was why he didn’t want to get close to Jesse.

“And perhaps you should think about why you are afraid of hearing how he thinks of you.” Now that, that had some insinuation that Hanzo wasn’t sure he liked. Sure he wanted Jesse to like him, but it sounded like Zenyatta meant more. Which was absurd. Jesse would never think of him in such a way.

Though there was the way Jesse had looked at him a few nights before he’d left. Hanzo had tucked the memory away, finding it easier, less anxiety-inducing to not think about the connotations of the look he’d gotten from the cowboy. Another event to prove Zenyatta’s point, but he hadn’t thought to tell the omnic about the situation.

Either way, Zenyatta left him with a lot to think about. Even after their session was dismissed, Hanzo did find himself thinking more. Especially about Jesse.

What he did know about his past with Jesse was that once they had been together, romantically. But he couldn’t recall any specific memories from that time. Most of his childhood was like that. His memory was unreliable at best, and blank swaths ruled the majority of his childhood and up until he left the clan. Even then it was patchy. But it was no amnesia, just blanks put into place by trauma, probably. Those memories he did have were all horrible, yet crystal clear.

Either way he did know that he and Jesse had once shared more than just friendship. And he hadn’t even let himself consider that up until his conversation with Zenyatta. Jesse couldn’t possibly still have feelings for him though. There was no way. He had to have encountered many other people who didn’t drop off the grid for years. Nobody could stay attached in such a way for so long. Hell, Hanzo hardly remembered that he and Jesse had been together at all! Surely Jesse had no more than a washed-out memory of who he had once been.

If Jesse had feelings for anyone it was for who Hanzo had once been. The confident Shimada heir that had undoubtably pushed a scrappy american into more than one dark corner of the palace when they had been together.

The thought hurt more than Hanzo had expected it to. Was that what he was afraid of? No, it couldn’t be. He didn’t still have feelings for Jesse. Nor did he want Jesse to have feelings for him! Even if the idea that Jesse would be disappointed in who he’d become stung more than anything had in awhile.

He certainly didn’t still have feelings for Jesse.

Any lingering thought of Jesse was obviously just Hanzo longing for a time when he did have someone to be close to. He certainly didn’t actually feel that way about the cowboy! If he was distracted by anything it was the ghost of arms draped over his neck, a fuzzy memory of lips against his ear, time etched out of a crammed schedule to sneak off together.

He certainly wasn’t distracted by anything new about Jesse. Not by how sweet Jesse could be, or the memory of falling asleep on the other agent and waking up to Jesse still there, dozing lightly along with him. He wasn’t sidetracked by seeing the cowboy’s bright smiles or hearing the man dub him with some stupid american nickname he used on everyone else.

Not a chance. And if his thoughts were full of fragments of the cowboy, it was simply because McCree was on his mind as a friend, not as someone Hanzo wanted to curl up with and sleep for an eon.

Ok perhaps he had developed some feelings for McCree.

It was an awful realization uncovered after almost a full day of Hanzo questioning himself and trying to figure out why he didn’t want to open up to Jesse.

He was starting to fall for the cowboy again and the thought made his throat tight with anxiety. Not only was such a thing unprofessional but it was a bad idea, even on the off chance that Jesse did still have feelings for him, he would get one look at how remarkably un-recovered that Hanzo still was and he would turn tail. It didn’t matter if Hanzo wanted to be closer to him, wanted to share more quiet conversations with Jesse and wanted to lean against the man when they had rough days. Because Jesse would never stay with someone so emotionally volatile still.

The fact that Jesse occupied Hanzo’s thoughts all day wasn’t lost on the archer. As time went on he found himself not focusing on his own fears but thinking about Jesse’s hands, one warm and calloused, the other cool to the touch, how Jesse had held him the day he’d broken down on the cowboy. Hell, even how Jesse held a cigar in his teeth and the way he laughed when someone made a stupid joke.

Maybe he had it worse than he thought. But Hanzo forced those thoughts down, especially as he settled for bed that evening. Even if he’d developed some feelings for Jesse, that didn’t mean he had to let them get worse.

So he pushed the thoughts down as he settled for bed with the wolves. They pushed in close to him, wrapping around and over the archer like they always did during the night, soothing him to sleep with their steady breathing.

Sleep came easy, for once.

_The light washing over everything was a soft, hazy amber, warming his skin. The light washed over everything, casting fuzzy shadows across the features of a familiar face. It blurred freckles and laughter lines, smoothed weathered skin._

_What the light had no effect on was the natural warmth of a soft drawl, of breath stirring the hair next to Hanzo’s ear and hands rested against his waist. Or the way it felt to lean into a broad chest, to drape his arms over sturdy shoulders and how thick hair felt dragging between his fingers._

_There was no urgency about the situation, no stress or anxiety, just soft murmuring against his ear, words he couldn’t properly pick out in the comfortable haze. It didn’t matter anyways, Hanzo knew the words were loving, soft terms of endearment brushed against the shell of his ear, soft words for a soft moment._

_More than anything he belonged there, he was at home right there in thick arms, resting against another warm body. Hell he was more comfortable with physical contact than he had been in a long time. There was just the comfortable feeling of knowing he was loved, knowing he had someone who would catch him if he fell. It was coupled with the soft brush of lips against his temple, one hand sliding under his chin to encourage him to let his eyes catch soft brown ones framed in long lashes._

_Hanzo found himself leaning in, shifting to the side to make sure they didn’t bump noses-_

And a wet nose thrust into his face.

Hanzo spluttered awake with a curse as a wet tongue caught the underside of his nose, nearly getting him in the eye. The wolf gave a displeased snort at how quickly the archer snapped away to rub over his face, disgusted. Usually he didn’t mind the wolves licking him, but that wasn’t how he was usually greeted in the morning.

The haze of the dream was gone, it’s contents lost to Hanzo’s mind as he grumbled under his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I'm so so so sorry it took so long to get this up! Life really kicked the hell out of me recently and I even ended up in a hospital for a bit. But! I got some good motivation from a friend and I managed to get this out! I hope to be back to updating more frequently soon and I promise the next chapter will be longer. I just wanted to get out some Hanzo introspection before diving into what I have planned next, and I knew that if I forced myself to write more on this it would be crap, etc etc. Anyways. I hope you guys enjoyed, and sorry again for the wait, feel free to drop a comment if you'd like, and I 100% understand if you yell at me for dropping off the map haha.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I just posted an update like a day or two ago (I have no concept of time right now and I'm too lazy to check) but! I feel bad that I made you guys wait for long just for like 6 pages lmao. And I got this chapter done WAY faster than I thought I would (seriously I wrote it last night and just finished rereading and making edits this morning) so I figured I would just put it up now.

The low drone of an incoming transport filled the afternoon sky, making a pair of wolves antsy as they milled about Hanzo’s sitting form. 

He, like a handful of other people, was waiting for the transport to return so he could see those he’d missed. The archer kept telling himself that it was his brother he was thinking about, that he’d been missing Genji’s banter with Zenyatta and the quiet hum of idle cybernetics by his side when they meditated. He missed Genji’s laughter and seeing his brother’s face when they would take breakfast or tea together. 

But as the shape of the transport grew defined against the blue of the sky, Hanzo found his mind lingering instead on a warm chuckle and the kind of smirk that Hanzo was sure had charmed many people out of their pants. 

He brushed such thoughts away, turning his attention instead to calming one of the wolves as the canine circled back to him, made nervous by the loud sounds of the craft. Hanzo had been training them to be used to loud noises and to recognize when something wasn’t a threat. Which, of course, meant that the wolves often looked to him to discern what was dangerous. But still they had their moments. Hanzo lifted an arm to let the wolf tuck up against his side. The other watched the transport with curiosity, ears flicking back and forth as the wolf shifted, sitting back on his haunches. 

Hanzo kept an eye out for both of them, but turned his gaze back to the small craft as it got close enough for him to see landing gear unfold from the bottom of the transport. He had been told about the whole process, how everything had been linked with Athena, and how most crafts didn’t even require pilots any more. But he still found it hard to believe that an AI was what guided the craft to a smooth landing on the asphalt of the landing strip. 

As the engines powered off and quieted, the wolves perked up again, curious as the door hissed open to allow the agents to put their feet back on the ground. Ana was first, immediately swept up in the group that had been waiting for her, mostly old Overwatch members and Lucio (Hanzo was pretty sure they were trading medical notes, from what he heard. Or something of the sort) Genji was greeted by Zenyatta and an energetic Lena ready to tell the cyborg about the weekend off she’d had with her girlfriend. 

Jesse was the last to trail out of the ship. He looked tired, head down, hat pulled low over his features. The sight had Hanzo frowning, had the mission taken that much of a toll on Jesse?

Before he could wonder more, the wolf under his arm wriggled out to bound towards the cowboy, his brother hard on his heels. Hanzo was on his feet in a second, whistling for the pair so they wouldn’t tackle McCree, but he was ignored. Instead at the clatter of claws against tarmac, Jesse looked up, and Hanzo watched a broad grin cross the cowboy’s face as he dropped to one knee to greet the wolves. 

He was swallowed immediately by two wriggling balls of fur, and his laughter was audible across the landing strip as Hanzo trailed after the two. Embarrassment clawed up his throat for not being able to control the wolves, but he swallowed it as he watched Jesse bow his head to let one of the wolves snuff into his hair enthusiastically. The other wolf had taken to sniffing at his bags, nose thrust deep into compartments before returning to Jesse and thrusting his head against the cowboy’s abdomen, demanding attention. 

“My apologies, I tried to call them back but they’re… Excited.” Hanzo huffed a bit as he approached Jesse. The cowboy looked up when he spoke, smile fading for a moment as he took Hanzo in. The archer knew he looked a little frazzled, tired probably, hair had slipped out of his ponytail to curl around his face and his hoodie hung half-off one shoulder. He was exhausted from the amount of thinking he had done since he and Zenyatta had last spoken. 

“Naw, no worries Hanzo, it’s almost like havin’ kids.” Jesse gave a faint laugh, looking back to the wolf that had pushed his nose back against Jesse’s cheek, demanding attention as much as his brother did. 

“Ain’t had anyone greet me like that in a long time.” Jesse’s warm smile returned as he gently detached himself from the wolves to stand instead. His eyes flickered over Hanzo again before he moved to set his bag down when one of the wolves tried to sniff at it again. 

“You look like a disaster, Shimada.” Jesse pointed out. And despite the easygoing smile, Hanzo noted the slight flicker of genuine concern cross the cowboy’s features. He just offered a quiet shrug though. He hadn’t been sleeping as well on his own. Oftentimes if he had nightmares he was left to his own devices on base, couldn’t seek out Genji or Jesse during the day to ease his mind with idle conversation. 

“I have not been sleeping well.” He shrugged, offering no more. Jesse’s look of concern grew more obvious as he stuck his thumbs in his pockets, before it was concealed by a softly teasing smile. The kind that meant Jesse was trying to lighten the mood, Hanzo had seen it before. 

“What? You miss me?” It was a light tease, but the question had Hanzo faltering, gaze dropping to where the wolves were rubbing against Jesse’s legs like overgrown cats. As much as he knew the cowboy was teasing, he wasn’t wrong. And what Zenyatta had said put a lot in perspective for him. It wasn’t weird to miss a friend was it? Instead of actually answering, Hanzo stuck his hands in his pockets and offered a quiet shrug, unsure of what else to say. 

Jesse visibly softened at that, a bit taken aback. Hanzo knew it was likely not what Jesse had been expecting. He never really admitted anything to anyone. He didn’t meet Jesse’s eyes though, letting his eyes follow the wolves as they finally roamed off to investigate Jesse’s packs properly. 

“Aw hell Hanzo, c’mere.” Jesse huffed a bit, stepping forward before Hanzo was startled by an arm catching him around the waist to drag him into a hug. He nearly froze as a second arm wrapped over his shoulders. Though it wasn’t too far off from the day he had spent crying on Jesse, and the contact was nice. Nice enough that after a moment of hesitation, Hanzo slipped his arms around Jesse in return, earning himself a slight squeeze from the cowboy. 

The contact made him buckle a bit though, made him realize how much he really had missed the American’s warm presence among the cold corridors of Gibraltar. The realization had Hanzo drawing a shaky breath and restraining the urge to latch onto Jesse’s shirt like he so desperately wanted to. Fingers twitched slightly against the thick fabric draped around Jesse’s shoulders, before he drew a breath and forced himself to draw back from the warm embrace. It had already lingered just a breath too long. 

“Here, how’s about I head back to my quarters, shower ‘n change up and I can meet you back out here in a bit?” Jesse proposed, pulling back to fold his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow at Hanzo. Hanzo shrugged. He figured Jesse was tired after his mission, and didn’t want to take the cowboy’s time if Jesse was as tired as he’d looked when he stepped off the transport. 

“You should rest Jesse, I will be fine.” Hanzo protested, returning his hands to his pockets as he eyed Jesse quietly, unsure of what to do with the other man. Jesse needed to take care of himself first. That much Hanzo knew, even he would take time away from others after a mission to recuperate. 

“Eh, I ain’t sleepin’ any time soon anyhow. A drink ‘n some good company could do me some good right ‘bout now.” Jesse shrugged, as if it was the easiest conclusion in the world. Hanzo didn’t see himself as good company, but Jesse had asked… It had him considering for a moment, because he did want Jesse to rest, but part of him wanted to curl up with the gunslinger and just take some time to enjoy the fact that Jesse was back. 

“Only if you’re sure you can’t sleep. I won’t have you spending time on me that you could be spending sleeping.” Hanzo scowled. Jesse offered a quiet laugh at that, waving a hand. 

“You sound like Ana. Trust me darlin’, I’d be sleepin’ if I could.” Jesse pointed out with a shrug, earning a look from Hanzo when Jesse drew the connection between him and the captain. Granted he didn’t dislike Ana in the slightest, in fact he respected the woman immensely. But he wasn’t sure whether that was a compliment or an insult for Jesse given the other man’s tendency to get slightly annoyed with Ana when she harped on him for smoking as much as he did or drinking. 

“Meet me back here in say? An hour?” Jesse asked. That much had Hanzo pausing before offering a quiet nod. That was reasonable. It would give Jesse time to decompress and take care of himself. Hanzo was just grateful to see that his fellow agent hadn’t sustained any injuries during the mission. Save for what looked to be a few scrapes on the outside of his arm. Those weren’t concerning to Hanzo though. 

“Sounds like a plan.” Jesse gave a grin and flicked the brim of his hat up before he turned to grab his bags. The wolves were shifted off of the packs with grumbling sounds, uncurling from half-balls to snort at the gunslinger, trailing after him briefly as Jesse moved to head inside. 

That time they listened to Hanzo’s shar whistle, a warning to remain near him. They returned, albeit not without sulking quite a bit as they hung back around Hanzo’s heels. 

The rest of the groups had dispersed, leaving Hanzo and the wolves alone on the tarmac as Jesse vanished inside. The afternoon was slowly verging into evening though, the sun dipping closer to the sea as time slid by in slow motion. The only indication of it’s passing were the ships that crossed in the distance, specks against a great silvery ocean. 

Hanzo retreated back inside for a few minutes as well. Only long enough to change into a slightly different shirt and a different pair of sweatpants. Before he returned outside with the wolves in tow. They seemed content to trot after him, though they sometimes paused in the corridors where they picked up the scent of Genji or McCree. Presumably at least. 

Either that or someone was cooking and they were pausing under air vents to smell it. 

But the wolve’s occasional pauses were of no consequence. Especially when they got outside. Hanzo knew Jesse had told him to meet on the tarmac, but as he wasn’t particularly interested on sitting on hot asphalt for the time it took Jesse to shower and change, he moved instead towards the cliffs. 

In the fading light of the day painted the whole area with a yellow sheen, turning drying stalks of grass gold and washing light up against the buildings like the waves washed against the cliffs below. Hanzo took a moment to appreciate the scene as he settled in the grass, still within plain view of the base. That way there was no way Jesse could miss him when the cowboy returned. 

The wolves took a minute to settle. But eventually one draped himself partially in Hanzo’s lap, propping his chin on his paws against Hanzo’s thigh. It left Hanzo to pet through the canine’s fur as he breathed in the ocean air and listened to the breeze wind its way over the cliffs and around the buildings of the base. 

Easy silence was broken only by the sound of a door shutting and footsteps crossing the asphalt behind him. The sound of boots was familiar, though without the usual jingle of spurs that came with the boots Jesse wore on missions. Hanzo would never understand why the gunslinger had decided that spurs were a reasonable addition to a uniform. But Hanzo also knew Jesse was an odd person. 

“Been out here waitin’ long?” Jesse came to a stop next to Hanzo, before Hanzo even looked up at the cowboy. Jesse had a bottle of whiskey in one hand and two glasses in the other. The sight had Hanzo arch an eyebrow as Jesse handed him the bottle so he could move and sit down. 

“Don’t look at me like that, nothin’ wrong with a drink every now ‘n then. Plus I’m celebratin’ just a bit.” Jesse protested, flashing Hanzo a faint smile and setting the two glasses in the grass. Hanzo arched an eyebrow at the statement, wondering what Jesse could be celebrating, but he waited for the moment, watching instead how Jesse uncapped the bottle when it was handed back to him, pouring both glasses and setting the bottle aside. 

“What are you celebrating?” Hanzo finally asked as one glass was handed to him, he took it with a quiet thanks as the wolf in his lap raised it’s head to eye Jesse. The other had settled half-behind Hanzo, but appeared to be considering a move as the cowboy stretched his legs out, folding one of his ankles over the other. Hanzo watched Jesse quietly, waiting for a response as the cowboy considered, swirling the alcohol in his glass thoughtfully. 

“Well, we had a little bit of a run-in with Talon while we were doin’ our thing. Reaper ‘n Sombra both showed, and let me tell you there’s a reason those bastards sent the two quietest agents they have.” Jesse made a face at his glass, nose wrinkling. Hanzo hadn’t heard that the agents had actually dealt with Talon though. All he’d known about the mission that it was recon, they weren’t supposed to engage. 

“I got caught alone.” The words were accompanied with a shrug but the connotations of that had Hanzo stiffening up a bit. Jesse had come close to death then? The thought had Hanzo’s throat locking up at the idea of loosing the cowboy beside him. But Jesse took his time with the story, raising the glass he held to his lips to take a sip off of it before shaking his head and looking down. Hair fell into his face, lose from his usual hat, albeit a little flattened. 

“Reaper had me right where he wanted me, kicked Peacekeeper damn near ‘cross the country and had one of those goddamn shotguns aimed right at my face.” Jesse paused, brows pitching forward in a scowl. Though the description of the situation had Hanzo stiffening at the idea. Jesse had truly brushed close enough to death that he likely could have reached out and touched it if he so pleased. 

“An’ he just… Walked away.” That had Hanzo blinking, confused. Reaper was one hell of a story, from what he knew. Nobody knew what he was. Only that he was violent, erratic, and one hell of an opponent. 

“Told me to stop playin’ dress up ‘n go home.” Jesse huffed a bit, before he shook himself, trying to dismiss the scowl that had shadowed his features. Hanzo could see something else though, some confusion that lay beneath the surface of Jesse’s story. But he wasn’t going to ask. It seemed personal if Jesse was going to push it down like that. Or perhaps he was as confused as Hanzo was that the Reaper could have killed him, but instead walked away. 

But Jesse just offered a faint shrug like it was nothing, looking back up to Hanzo and shaking his hair out of his face. Hanzo didn’t meet Jesse’s eyes, he was busy thinking of what could have happened, had Reaper taken that shot. He would have painted the ground with Jesse’s brain, the bullets would have shredded through soft, albeit weathered features. Buckshot would have shattered the structure of Jesse’s cheekbones, would have torn everything he recognized about the cowboy to shreds. 

“Hey now Hanzo don’t be gettin’ like that, I’m alright.” Jesse’s voice pulled Hanzo out of his thoughts with a jolt. He was lost in a gory imagination of what could have happened to Jesse. And the sight hurt, but it was quickly dismissed by soft brown eyes meeting his and a warm hand against his shoulder. 

“I know-” Hanzo dropped his eyes and shook his head, before he finally moved to take a sip of the whiskey he’d been given. Suddenly he needed something to ease his nerves. The thought of Jesse coming so close to death gave him anxiety and he hated it. It shouldn’t have affected him so much, and yet it did. 

“It is just easy to forget how much risk you and Genji put yourselves in so often.” He huffed out, squeezing his eyes shut briefly and shaking his head, trying to dismiss his thoughts as if he could physically shake them off. 

“Shucks darlin’, you can’t think on it that much.” Jesse offered a quiet reassurance, and Hanzo startled at feeling Jesse wrap an arm around him, giving him a reassuring squeeze. Without thinking Hanzo ended up leaning into the contact. Well, as much as he could with the wolf occupying most of his lap. He glanced back up at Jesse long enough to see surprise flicker across his features before the hand settled on his shoulder and Jesse’s arm remained where it was wrapped around him. 

“Genji ‘n I are fine, so’s everyone else here.” Jesse pointed out, shifting his legs slightly so Hanzo didn’t have to lean as much to lean on him.

Perhaps Hanzo would have thought more about leaning against Jesse another time, but for the most part in that moment it was helping keep him rooted to reality. And he would rather allow himself to lean on the cowboy than have a panic attack right in front of Jesse. That seemed unpleasant to say the least. 

“Again, I know, it-” Hanzo shook his head, lifting his glass again and resisting the temptation to just down it. 

“-I know.” He decided, cutting off the rest of his statement. He just worried, worried what would happen to Genji or Jesse if they were caught alone on the battlefield by someone less forgiving. What would happen if one of them were lost behind enemy lines, captured by Talon. The risk of what they were doing was never lost on Hanzo. But it’d never been quite real until then and frankly he was scared. 

Fuck that he was terrified, that he’d lose the two people he’d worked so hard to reconnect with so soon after he’d allowed himself to get close again. What would happen if one day Genji’s cybernetics were hacked and he was dispatched like some common dog? What if Jesse got caught again and the Reaper wasn’t feeling so forgiving?

It was a lot to think about, none of which he actually wanted to consider. So instead he shifted, hesitating before he sunk down a bit, leaning into the cowboy properly and resting his head against Jesse’s shoulder. The man still wore the thick wrap of cloth he usually had on during missions, and it was comfortable enough to have Hanzo relaxing a bit, even if he wasn’t sure he was doing. 

He could feel Jesse’s eyes on him as he settled though, not looking up to meet the cowboy and instead focusing on the way that the sunset caught on the crystal glass he held, and the little shreds of rainbow that danced over the fur of the wolf in his lap. Though as he felt the gaze linger, he almost looked up. But eventually Jesse turned his eyes elsewhere, giving Hanzo’s shoulder a slight squeeze before moving to rub over his back idly. 

For once Hanzo relaxed into the contact. He was happy to just enjoy the fact that Jesse was back and that he could go back to his usual routine. That was it. He was insanely comfortable against the cowboy though. And it had him pushing away thoughts of getting closer, of properly curling up with Jesse in bed. To just be close to the gunslinger and enjoy having Jesse wrapped in his arms or vice versa. 

He pushed the thoughts away violently when he realized he was drifting again. Only to realize the cowboy’s hand had settled against his waist. It wasn’t an invasive gesture by any means, hell it was probably just more comfortable on Jesse’s arm. But it was enough to make Hanzo stall slightly. 

The quiet was nice though, Hanzo had expected Jesse to be more talkative, but maybe he just needed someone to be quiet with. Hanzo was content to be that person. Even as the wolf that wasn’t in his lap got up to move. He heard the wolf settle again, and out of the corner of his eye saw that the wolf had curled around Jesse’s hip, head bumping against the cowboy’s thigh. It felt natural to see the wolf settle with Jesse, like the gunslinger was part of the pack. Perhaps they considered him to be a new edition. 

“You been sleepin’ ok?” The low rumble of Jesse’s voice had Hanzo blinking, eyes flickering up to where he could see Jesse’s profile from his shoulder. The answer to that had been a definite no. He’d been thinking too much, and most of that time spent thinking had been spent trying to dismiss thoughts of the damn cowboy. He probably could have blamed it on Jesse, but he wasn’t going to. 

“As well as I normally do.” He shrugged. That was a lie, but it was more believable than a yes. It still made Jesse scowl though. The cowboy shook his head and drained the last of his whiskey, obviously displeased in hearing that. Hanzo wasn’t going to outright lie though. He’d been trying to dissuade himself from doing such things. Especially when it came to those he cared for. It was a step Zenyatta had suggested long ago, and had brought up again recently when he’d continued talking to Hanzo about the whole emotional intimacy thing. 

“We gotta find a way to get you sleepin’ better sweetheart, it ain’t healthy for you to be killin’ your sleep schedule like you do.” Jesse frowned, eyeing the horizon as the sun slipped lower, close to vanishing. 

It was the pet name that made Hanzo pause. Had Jesse just called him ‘sweetheart’? He couldn’t remember if that was something Jesse often called his friends. But judging by the fact that Jesse not only seemed to be thinking, but wasn’t saying anything about it either, Hanzo assumed that was the case. It had to be. Jesse was so free with pet names anyways. He’d heard whole catalogues from the cowboy to his brother alone, granted those were usually joking. But it still applied that Jesse’s terms of endearment were used for pretty much everyone. Hanzo dismissed the thought that it could have been anything more and settled once more where he was. 

He actually had a wonderful view from where he’d rested his head. He could see the way Jesse’s throat moved when he breathed. He was even close enough to see the faint lines crinkling the skin around Jesse’s eyes and mouth, years of unsafe sun exposure and just general age had taken a bit of a toll on the cowboy. But Hanzo thought that the freckled dusted across Jesse’s face, and the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled, truly smiled, well… Hanzo found himself staring every goddamn time. 

Even then, when he had been actively trying not to think of Jesse romantically, he found his gaze tracing over the line of Jesse’s mouth. The way one corner pulled up slightly from what he could see, content, idle. It was a nice sight, the way Jesse’s shoulders relaxed when he was at-ease. How his eyes fell half-lidded as he relaxed, sending long lashes fanning out towards tanned cheeks. God, Hanzo could have stared at Jesse for hours, memorizing every detail of the cowboy’s face. 

But he pulled his eyes away as the wolf in his lap shifted, setting his glass in front of himself without pulling out of Jesse’s hold. 

Part of him just wanted to curl further into the cowboy, to wrap his arms over Jesse’s shoulders and pull him to the grass so they could hold onto each other. But the other half of him was rational, keeping himself contained. He dismissed the thought simply as wanting the same kind of comfort that had come from the last time he was so close with Jesse. Sure he knew he’d been finding the man attractive. But there was no way he had it that bad. 

For the moment though, he just dismissed such thoughts. Instead he focused on some time to relax with a friend, that he’d missed. Not how Jesse’s fingers curled around his waist. Or how he slotted against the other man’s side. 

No instead he just enjoyed the quiet breeze as it brought the evening rolling in. Instead he watched the sun paint a swath of the sea gold, and finished his drink. It was a bit close for friends, sure. But Hanzo blamed it on how starved he was for physical contact, and how free with said contact that Jesse seemed to be in general. 

And so he stayed, listening to Jesse breathe beside him, and trying not to fall asleep as he relaxed more and more, eased by the presence of the wolves and the cowboy. 

Hanzo eased into the silence, folding one arm around his midsection and resting the other hand against the fur of the wolf in his lap. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so relaxed around anyone. Let alone relaxed enough to nearly doze off. As he was settling against Jesse he was realizing more and more just how tired he was. He hadn’t slept well in days. And leaning on the cowboy he was far too comfortable to ignore the weight dragging him down. 

“You ever regret comin’ here?” Jesse broke the quiet tentatively, his voice low, barely above a whisper. It had Hanzo looking up at the other man at the question. That was definitely something he wasn’t sure how to answer. Not because he was worried about upsetting Jesse, but because he didn’t know himself. He paused for a moment, shifting his legs a bit as he thought. 

“I suppose… In a sense I do.” He began, scowling slightly and holding up a hand to indicate for Jesse to let him finish his thought, not that he truly believed the cowboy was going to cut in anyways. 

“It would have been much simpler had I never come back, the wolves never would have had to adjust.” He paused again. Remembering the first time he’d hugged his brother in years, how Zenyatta’s guidance had helped him start on the path to recovery, how he never would have had a chance to get so close to Jesse out there. All things he was glad to have, glad to have had a chance to experience, people he was glad to meet. 

“But, it is better this way. And I wouldn’t have done it any other way.” Hanzo huffed, shrugging a little and looking out over the dark water. The sun was gone, swallowed by the sea, and the sky was swiftly darkening overhead. But there was still enough light that he saw the faint smirk tug at the edge of Jesse’s lips as the gunslinger gave a faint snort. 

“I mean that’s what matters right? As long as you’re happy here, I’d call it a good choice-” Jesse gave the archer a slight squeeze, pulling Hanzo close in against his side. Hanzo hardly even noticed, just adjusting for the change as he folded his arms around his midsection. 

“Then again, call me biased.” Jesse murmured, shaking his head. That had Hanzo looking up, quirking an eyebrow at the cowboy. What did Jesse mean by that? Hanzo knew his company wasn’t that good. But still, Jesse looked serious for a moment, not looking down at Hanzo or the wolves, just watching the waves and shifting how he had his legs folded over each other. 

“How so?” Hanzo was curious, he had to know. Did Jesse really consider him good enough company to be glad he came despite all the crap he’d put up with during Hanzo’s first few weeks? Surely not. Hanzo was positive Jesse was just thinking about them as friends, or even how Hanzo’s return had influenced Genji. Though Jesse seemed to startle a bit at the question. He glanced down at Hanzo, questioning as soft eyes dragged over the archer’s face. Before Jesse shook his head and looked away again, shrugging. 

“You’re good company Hanzo, ‘s nice to have you around is all.” Jesse offered. That much was a fair point. Perhaps the cowboy truly did thinki him to be good company. Of course Hanzo would never agree with him, but he could at least give the cowboy that. It was understandable. He found Jesse to be good company as well. Perhaps he just meant that they could sit quietly together instead of talking like so many others expected. That had to be it. 

“You are good company yourself McCree.” Hanzo shot back, settling once more to eye the sleeping wolves that had practically trapped them in place. The pair had taken their chance and immediately fallen fast asleep against Jesse and Hanzo. 

“Hm, glad you think so.” Jesse hummed a bit, offering a faint smile. Hanzo glanced up at him upon catching that out of the corner of his eye. But he definitely didn’t miss the edge of sadness in that smile. He decided not to question it though, he didn’t want to risk prying and losing the moment to asking questions. 

“‘Sides, maybe I’m biased ‘cause these two stole my heart.” Jesse gave a soft laugh as he reached down to pat the wolf that had curled around him. The sleeping canine gave a grumbling sound, tail flicking against McCree’s back with a thump, but otherwise lay still. Hanzo couldn’t help but snort at that, rolling his eyes. 

“Of course they did.” That much was no secret. Especially with how Jesse interacted with them. Perhaps that was another reason he found the cowboy so attractive. He could tousle with the wolves as enthusiastically as Hanzo himself did without batting an eyelash. Sure Jesse had been wary of it first, as anyone would be of wild animals. But he’d warmed up to them as quickly as the pair had warmed to him. 

“Aw they’re just big ol’ puppies as all.” Jesse hummed, burying metal fingers in soft fur. Hanzo offered a nod of agreement. He’d raised them after all, and they hadn’t changed too much besides how they’d changed in size. They were twenty times bigger than they had been as cubs (or so it seemed) and significantly more dangerous. But they were still his. He’d come to care for the wolves more than anything. Well, obviously he cared for a few select people as well, but the wolves and certain people were tied for the top of his list. 

Jesse just gave a soft hum, falling quiet again for the moment. Hanzo let his eyes fall shut again. Listening to the cowboy’s breath, and the breeze sifting through the grass around them, tugging at the hair that had fallen around his face. It was just peaceful, near impossible for Hanzo to drag himself down while he was practically pinned under a wolf and leaning against one of the people be cared for the most. 

He couldn’t have gotten such a thing out in the wilds. There were no days he could spend relaxing, no moments where he could drop his guard and just breathe like he did then. More importantly, his brother and Jese weren’t there. 

And after reconnecting, he wasn’t willing to give them up for a chance to be alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an actual question for you guys this time around! If I opened like a Tumblr ask box or something so you guys could send me requests/ideas for this/writing prompts would you want me to? I'd just love to hear from you guys more, especially if you had anything you really wanted to see in this!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a shorter filler chapter, so sorry in advance for that. I just wanted to get some stuff out for you guys while I have a small lapse in being super busy. I got done with finals so now I'm on break but I have personal stuff going on right now that's just gonna clog my schedule for a while. But I wanted to get something up for you guys so take a little bit of fluff while I take another kind of a break to deal with life haha. Hopefully after this I'll have more free time to update more often but we'll see!

“Hanzo-” 

“Darlin’ my arm’s falling asleep.” Hanzo stirred slightly at that, dragged into the waking world by the familiar rumble of Jesse’s voice. 

As he came-to, he realized with a jolt that he’d fallen asleep on the cowboy. His head resting comfortably against the crook of Jesse’s shoulder, leaned into the other man like he belonged there. And that revelation had him pulling back as quickly as sleep-addled limbs would allow. The wolf in his lap gave a grumble of protest as Hanzo sat forward to rub his hands over his face. 

“There he is.” Jesse gave a soft chuckle, a warm hand falling to the center of Hanzo’s back to give him a light pat. Almost fondly teasing, friendly, gentle. Hanzo knew he should have been used to such contact with Jesse at that point but sometimes it was still surprising that he could handle normal contact with anyone. 

However, Hanzo was processing more and more that he’d fallen asleep on the cowboy as he woke up. Certainly not something he’d expected. One moment they’d been sharing a drink and a quiet conversation, and the next he was apparently depriving Jesse’s arm of circulation. 

The sky had gone dark above them, the stars beginning to wink out and paint their silvery sheen across the ocean and cliffs. It was more faint than the sunlight, leaving only wisps of light dancing over the water. It was dark enough that it made Hanzo wonder how long he’d fallen asleep for, watching lights from ships bob out at sea. The sun had only just gone down the last he could remember. Not only that but he hadn’t thought he was tired enough to pass out on someone out of nowhere. 

“Sorry.” He gave a faint huff, shaking his head before he pushed his hands up his face, catching loose strands of hair and pushing them back. He didn’t look back at Jesse as the hand left his back but he didn’t need to, he could hear the shift of Jesse’s clothing as he shrugged before moving to stretch his arm. He felt bad for falling asleep on Jesse like that, without warning or even asking. Not that he would have made the choice to sleep on Jesse if he’d been paying more attention. 

“No worries, figured if you were tired enough to fall asleep on me you needed a second.” Jesse offered. Hanzo glanced back to see Jesse lift a hand to push through his hair, sending a couple of strands back into his face, soft strands curling just slightly against freckled skin. Hanzo immediately had to fight the urge to reach out and push Jesse’s hair back out of his eyes himself, but reined it in before he could act on it. It was likely just annoyance with Jesse’s constantly disheveled appearance, and a desire to right it. Nothing more. 

He dropped his eyes back to the wolf in his lap with a shrug. It was sweet of Jesse, but he would have rather been woken. Thanks to falling asleep like that he woke up groggy, which wasn’t normal for him. Typically when he woke he was immediately awake. He blamed the odd circumstance for not being entirely alert as soon as he opened his eyes. Though the wolves seemed to be equally as disarmed, both of them stirring quietly as they began to wake up. Usually they were as quick to wake as Hanzo was. Or even awake before the archer was. 

“I probably would’a let you sleep longer but I my arm was startin’ to fall asleep, and I already have on arm in a coma.” Hanzo looked back at Jesse in time to see the American laugh at his own joke, ducking his head with a snort and a lopsided grin. The sight of that, the way the silver light caught off of Jesse’s features, the corners of his eyes crinkling with mirth, it made Hanzo’s chest clench slightly before the archer could even process why, a kind of hollow ache of longing. He supposed it was just nice to see a friend so at ease, almost content actually. Jesse looked genuinely happy, more than Hanzo was used to seeing. Jesse always seemed happy,but the atmosphere was just, different in that moment. It felt like they belonged there, like they’d been used to each other for decades. 

“You should have woken me earlier.” Hanzo shook his head a bit, moving to bury his fingers in the fur of the wolf pinning his legs to the ground. The comment earned him a scoff from Jesse as he pushed fingers through the ruff of fur around the wolf’s neck, smoothing it out. Even if the situation was comfortable, Hanzo was embarrassed that he’d managed to fall asleep on Jesse for the second time, the first time it had happened he was exhausted in every way from having a breakdown. He had no excuse that time around. 

“Hanzo you look like a dead man walking. If you’re comfortable enough to fall asleep on me I’m not complainin’.” Jesse drawled, leaning back on his hands in the grass. Hanzo still rolled his eyes, unimpressed. He didn’t get why Jesse would put up with being slept on once, let alone twice. Sure if it had been Genji or someone else, Hanzo would have understood. But he couldn’t wrap his head around why Jesse wouldn’t have at least nudged him awake when he started to doze off. He knew that if Jesse had fallen asleep on him… Well, he probably would have let Jesse sleep too. But that was besides the point, he didn’t see why Jesse hadn’t just woken him. 

“You should probably get some rest, or at least try to.” Jesse’s tone softened a bit as Hanzo felt the cowboy’s eyes on his back. Jesse was right, but Hanzo offered no more than a small shrug. On one hand he knew that trying to get sleep, even if he couldn’t, was better for him than being up and active. But on the other hand, Jesse had just gotten back, and he’d missed the cowboy. They’d only had a little while, awake at least, to catch up after nearly two months of Jesse being gone. And he already didn’t want to part with the cowboy. Hanzo knew he had no right to think such a way, Jesse wasn’t his to miss. But dammit he’d missed the cowboy, and he didn’t want to give Jesse up so soon just to go sleep. 

“Hell, I should catch some shuteye too. C’mon Shimada-” Jesse cut himself off with a faint grumble as he moved to get to his feet. Hanzo winced upon hearing the other man’s spine crack loudly, glancing up to Jesse with a raised eyebrow at the sound. That definitely didn’t sound good, or comfortable. But Jesse didn’t offer much of an explanation. Hanzo wondered if he’d even seen the look or if he was distracted by what was surely back pain. He’d put his own body through its paces in his years, and nearly a decade of sleeping on the hard ground was likely nothing good for his back, but even then he didn’t crack like that whenever he stood. 

The archer found himself reluctant to get up when Jesse looked to him expectantly, as the wolf in his lap didn’t seem keen on being dislodged. Though the other had gotten up to stand with Jesse, leaning into the other man’s leg with a huff and blinking sleepily. 

It was odd seeing that the wolves had gotten so comfortable around Jesse. More than comfortable actually, they had actually missed Jesse almost as much as Hanzo had. Of course, Hanzo wondered if it was because Jesse was always carrying treats of some sort for them, but they did seem legitimately upset at times at the lack of McCree in their days. Even their reactions to seeing Jesse when he got back spoke volumes. 

Hanzo almost wished he could greet Jesse with that kind of enthusiasm. 

But he pushed the thought aside in favor of gently dislodging the wolf from his lap and pushing himself to his feet. He was still hazy from his impromptu nap, rubbing his eyes again as he righted himself. Though the steadying touch of a hand at his shoulder didn’t startle him for once as he dropped his hands from his face once more. 

“There we go, want me to walk back with you?” The offer made Hanzo blink, pausing. Residential quarters were all in the same wing. And the offer had Hanzo shooting Jesse a confused look. They would be walking in the same direction anyways. So logically if Jesse was going to bed then they would be walking each other. 

“We’re two rooms away from each other.” Hanzo pointed out dryly as a wolf bumped against his leg, nearly sending him off of his feet. Usually he would have been ready for the weight of the large canine settling against his leg. But thanks to how he’d been thrown off, he nearly toppled over and had to catch himself, shooting the wolf at his side a disapproving look. 

“Aw c’mon, I’m trying to be nice here.” There was no real annoyance in Jesse’s tone. Just an amused lilt and the hint of a smile. Hanzo sometimes wondered why Jesse was so at ease around him. He wasn’t really the type of person most people joked around with. Hanzo knew that he wasn’t really fun in any sense. Even if he could never be bothered by the fact, considering he often focused a lot of his energy on not sliding back into a mindset that he’d been trying to shake. But still, he wasn’t the type that people cracked jokes around. Mostly as his sense of humor was as dry as sand. 

Jesse was always ready to joke about though, affectionate teasing or stupid jokes, or even just making offhanded comments. It was something Hanzo had noticed a lot. Whether Jesse’s heart seemed to be in it or not. Though it seemed more frequent when Jesse seemed to show signs of being tired, or not feeling his best. They were only small nuances in his behavior, but Hanzo had started to pick up on even the smallest of the cowboy’s mannerisms. 

“Either way, offer still stands.” Jesse hummed, sticking his hands in his pockets as Hanzo oriented himself and bushed himself off. They’d been sitting in the grass for whoever knows how long and Hanzo didn’t fancy the idea of wandering around with dirt on his pants or anything of the sort. 

“I see no reason not to, we’re walking the same way.” Hanzo huffed. He didn’t get why Jesse made those comments, why the cowboy seemed keen on spending any sort of time with him. Let alone why Jesse was even interested in him in the first place. Hanzo still couldn’t quite wrap his head around the idea of anyone enjoying time spent in his presence. 

He just fell quiet after that though, letting Jesse lead the way back down the halls of the base towards the residential wing. It was likely that most agents would be gathered in the common areas to catch up with each other after the mission, or they were off doing their own things around base, working out, experiments, training. So Hanzo wasn’t surprised when the halls in the residential wing were near silent. Save for the quiet hum of the base’s power and the faint sound of the air vents. 

Hanzo just let his mind wander as he walked, listening to the wolves trot along in the wake of the two humans, how Jesse’s footsteps measured against his. He’d long since realized that the cowboy had infuriatingly long legs, and had adjusted his walking pace so he could keep up with the American without looking like an idiot. But he didn’t much mind, there wasn’t anything he could do about the cowboy being taller than him anyways. 

At the thought Hanzo found himself lamenting on the fact that he was shorter than at least half of the agents on base. Even insignificant, it was annoying. Hanzo knew that his height didn’t influence how threatening or how lethal he could be. 

But it was still a pain when half of the team liked to put things in the kitchen on high shelves so he had to climb on things just to get coffee down in the morning. 

And he wasn’t even that short, actually. 

His attention was drawn back to Jesse when the cowboy came to a stop at his door, shooting Hanzo an amused look when Hanzo nearly walked by it, lost in thought. He ended up wrinkling his nose a bit and shooting Jesse a look, a silent threat not to say anything, as he moved to tap in the passcode to allow the wolves into his room. He assumed they’d make a dash for the bed with how drowsy they looked. They always did that when they were tired, eager to settle before they’d have to adjust around Hanzo. 

Instead they lingered, turning their attention to winding around Jesse’s legs like they had any right to do such a thing and like they weren’t obscenely heavy canines who could have easily knocked the cowboy off balance. 

“You promise you’re gonna at least try to get some rest?” Jesse inquired as he stooped to give each of the wolves a scratch behind the ears. Hanzo watched the interaction quietly, offering a nod at Jesse’s question. He would at least put in an effort, yes. He had been planning on it anyways, he was just reluctant to waste time that would have been better spent catching up with Jesse and his brother. 

Speaking of his brother, Hanzo made a mental note to catch up with Genji first thing in the morning. He’d meant to do it as soon as Genji returned, but Genji had been immediately snapped up by other people around base. 

“Alright, well I’ll leave you to it then.” Jesse offered a nod, straightening again. 

Though when he moved to leave and make for his own room, one of the wolves gave a loud whine, startling even Hanzo. The archer looked to the wolf, mortified as he realized that the pair had circled Jesse again, nudging at him incessantly. It was the same way they prodded at him when they wanted to sleep but Hanzo wasn’t willing to contribute his own body to the pile of limbs the wolves liked to sleep in. Jesse looked back at Hanzo, confused by the new behavior from the wolves. Hanzo gave an apologetic wince, and tried to call the wolves back with a quiet whistle. 

“My apologies, they must have missed you more than I thought.” Hanzo frowned when he was ignored. Instead the wolves pushed at Jesse further, earning a huff from the other man as he leaned over to give each of them a pat on the head. Hanzo stepped up to try and coax them off, back to his rooms, but they were intent on McCree. The archer had to stifle a groan of frustration when the wolves continued to ignore his attempts to get them back under control. 

“They want you to stay.” Hanzo huffed, shaking his head and trying to distract the wolf that had wedged himself against the side of Jesse’s leg and was nudging under the cowboy’s arm with demanding snorts. The canine didn’t even take notice though, just snuffling into Jesse’s palm with a grumbling sound. 

As much as Hanzo loved the pair, they were bratty sometimes. 

“Damn, didn’t know they liked me so much.” Jesse shot Hanzo a faint smile as he patted at one of the wolves, still easygoing with two high-maintenance canines rubbing on him like oversized cats. Hanzo sometimes wondered if Jesse was ever annoyed by anything. He seemed so unbothered by most things. Or perhaps he just oozed the kind of self control that Hanzo lacked when it came to small annoyances. 

“So what do I do here? They gonna bite me or something if I leave?” Jesse gave a faint snort as he ruffled the ears of the wolf he’d been petting. The question earned a huff from Hanzo as he ran his hands over his face. He was sure he knew the outcome of Jesse leaving. Knowing the wolves it wouldn’t be good. They were just a shade spoiled. But Hanzo hadn’t intentionally spoiled them, they were just used to Hanzo’s needs always aligning with their own. 

“I doubt they would bite you.” Hanzo shook his head, folding his arms over his chest and watching the wolves interact with Jesse. If it wasn’t for the embarrassment of the situation it would have been cute. He knew that the wolves wouldn’t bite the cowboy though. He’d trained them to know that biting wasn’t to be tolerated when it came to humans, himself included. 

“But they’re likely to cry for the rest of the night if you go.” Hanzo made a face, trying to figure out what to do in that situation. There was no real way to go about it, though he didn’t want the wolves being loud all night and waking the rest of the base. But he knew their tempers and he knew that was likely in store if Jesse ran off to sleep without them. 

“You need me to stay then?” Jesse cracked a joking grin. But the offer was actually probably the best plan of action. It earned an exasperated shrug from Hanzo as he rubbed at his temple. On one hand Jesse staying the night would probably appease the wolve’s unease. 

On the other hand that meant sharing the night with Jesse. And that thought was quick to run away from Hanzo before he could catch it. 

If it wasn’t for the wolves sleeping on the bed with him, he would have said yes much easier. But with the wolves piled onto the mattress along with him, it would leave little space for the cowboy. And Hanzo wasn’t leaving anyone to the floor or a cot. He knew his own back wouldn’t be happy with such a thing and he doubted Jesse’s would be either. Especially given how it’d crackled earlier after Jesse had just sat on the ground for an hour or two. 

“I don’t care either way.” Hanzo shrugged, tired. He didn’t want to think about spending the night with Jesse, about falling asleep wrapped up with the cowboy, listening to Jesse breathe beside him. He didn’t want to think about waking up to the american asleep in the same bed. Not at all. And he did his best to swat said thoughts away as Jesse considered the archer’s statement. So he’d leave the choice up to Jesse. If the cowboy truly didn’t want to spend the night with Hanzo, Hanzo wouldn’t blame him, and if he did, Hanzo didn’t have to make the choice himself. 

“I mean would you mind if I did? I don’t much want to hear these two cryin’ all night, no offense.” Jesse wrinkled his nose a bit, presumably at the thought of the two wolves crying all night. Though Hanzo was surprised that Jesse even considered staying. Wouldn’t that be odd for the both of them? Well… Maybe not after they’d spent so much time leaning against each other or actually sleeping on one another. But still. 

“As I said, I don’t care. I would rather have them quiet, but there isn’t too much space in my room so.” Hanzo offered a shrug. Sure the idea of curling up with Jesse was appealing. But there was also the threat that he may end up blindsided by a nightmare or something even sleeping so close to the other man. And that didn’t sound like a good time for either of them. That and sleeping with Jesse… He didn’t want to get used to it. 

“Maybe it’s best if I do then?” Jesse asked carefully after a long moment, looking to Hanzo with a raised eyebrow. Hanzo just nodded a bit, sure. It was fine, nothing out of the ordinary, just two friends bedding together for one night to avoid inconveniencing literally everyone else on site. It was something anyone sane would have done. Even just for the sake of the other people on site. 

“I’m sure they’ll be fine if you’re within their sight.” Hanzo huffed slightly before nodding towards his open door. Well there was that, and he supposed it would be better for them to settle soon if Jesse was joining. 

“If you’re going to stay then, I suppose it’s best for us to figure this out.” Sleeping arrangements mostly. As much as Hanzo just wanted to snuggle up with McCree and fall asleep like that, that wasn’t happening. And just the thought gave him anxiety actually. For a couple of reasons. 

But nonetheless, Jesse didn’t know about any of that, Hanzo was sure, and he watched the two wolves and the cowboy slip into his quarters quietly. He stepped in after them, glancing about to make sure he hadn’t left anything weird out to be seen by visitors. Not like he had anything strange, it was just habit to check. 

The wolves immediately moved to pile onto the bed, looking to Jesse and Hanzo expectantly as Hanzo kicked his shoes off at the door. He was used to the wolves at that point, and knew they’d be patient enough as long as they were within sight of whoever they wanted. Jesse included apparently.

Hanzo watched from the corner of his eye as Jesse slipped off his boots and unwound heavy cloth from his shoulders to drape over the back of a chair in Hanzo’s room. Hanzo couldn’t have cared less where the fabric ended up, but somehow the contrast of the warmly colored fabric against the cold whites and greys of the room turned out to be oddly nice. 

Once they actually settled, it didn’t take them too long to get comfortable. Hanzo made sure to keep the wolves from flopping all over Jesse, but even after countless adjustments, they were still all pretty well piled into Hanzo’s bed. He almost suggested finding another way to handle the wolves being clingy, but both the canines and Jesse seemed perfectly fine with the situation, so Hanzo didn’t have it in himself to protest.

Eventually he just settled in. At first his back was to McCree’s, despite the distracting warmth that offered, but before long he found himself turning onto his back to keep himself sane. He didn’t like sleeping on his side, he felt exposed. Sleeping in general left him vulnerable, but he didn’t like feeling his back to an empty room. It just made things worse. 

Sleep didn’t come easy, he ended up laying awake for a while, listening to Jesse’s breath even out into sleep and the cowboy’s occasional shift against the mattress as the night dragged on. It was oddly comfortable, the warmth of the cowboy laid out beside him, being able to watch the steady rise and fall of Jesse’s side as he slept. It gave him something to focus on beyond the wolves shifting quietly every now and then. 

Hanzo wasn’t expecting Jesse to actually move in his sleep though, let alone to roll over completely. So when the cowboy shifted around to face him, head bumping slightly against Hanzo’s shoulder, Hanzo almost wondered if Jesse was awake. Though he quickly dismissed that idea, as Jesse was still clearly asleep, his breathing pattern made that obvious. Jesse was still out cold. Even if it took Hanzo a moment to relax, he ended up focused on Jesse, how the covers draped over the cowboy’s form, how the rasp of Jesse’s breath warmed his shirt where Jesse had bumped his forehead to Hanzo’s shoulder. 

But Jesse’s movements didn’t stop there. Hanzo was just beginning to drift off when Jesse shifted again. It was minor, but Hanzo felt the cowboy’s arm drape across his ribcage, heavy head falling against his chest as the other man curled slightly closer to him. He didn’t drift off at that, distracted by the weight of Jesse settling against his side and part of his chest, warm and comfortable. 

The contact had Hanzo pausing for a long moment before he looked down to the cowboy still asleep on his chest. 

He immediately regretted doing so. Brown hair fell across his chest and Jesse’s face in messy strands, and Jesse’s fingers curled tightly into the fabric of his shirt, almost like he was afraid Hanzo would slip away if he didn’t have an iron grip. The other man’s cheek was smushed against Hanzo’s chest slightly, and the sight was enough to make Hanzo soften. 

After a second he shifted, letting one of his arms fall across Jesse’s shoulders, just resting there. The other hand he dropped to Jesse’s hair, brushing soft strands back away from the American’s sleeping features. Jesse looked so at peace when he slept. It made Hanzo huff slightly as his fingers curled idly around the back of Jesse’s neck, burying in Jesse’s hair. He didn’t even consider the motion. It was just what felt right on instinct. 

As distracting as Jesse could be in his waking state, Hanzo had never seen Jesse so relaxed as he was in that moment. And the archer could have sworn it was going to kill him. 

Even if Jesse was distracting though, eventually exhaustion did start to claim Hanzo. But not before he burned the image of Jesse asleep against him into his mind forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this is just a little bit of development and I'm sorry it's not much plot but? I don't know. Either way! I hope you enjoyed that much at least, and feel free to toss a comment my way down below if you feel like it! Hearing from my readers always makes my day!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok it's been a while I know folks, but! Here's this chapter for you! I wanted to get the ball rolling a bit more, and include a couple more of my favorite characters for you guys. It's my first time writing Lucio or Zarya so?? I hope they're ok but yeah, sorry you guys have had to wait, life is super busy right now so I'm just trying to do what I can when I can.

Hanzo hadn’t stepped onto one of Overwatch’s transport ships since he was first brought to base. And at that point he’d been too much of a mess to focus on anything but the wolves and his own sanity. So it was strange to be boarding one again. Let alone without the wolves.

He’d finally been cleared to go on missions, Winston and a couple of the other unofficial leaders of Overwatch had decided that Hanzo was mentally stable enough for combat. Even if he wasn’t 100% recovered. It took a bit of convincing, but both Genji and Zenyatta had backed Hanzo when he’d reached out to Winston with a desire to do more than just wait around while everyone else was deployed every now and then for missions. 

Even if the archer was clear though, he didn’t want to bring the wolves. They weren’t yet ready for the battlefield as things like gunshots still startled them, and they had a hard time following commands when they were in such a situation. Hanzo had tried to run them through training simulations and it hadn’t gone well. 

So when he was finally dispatched, he left the wolves with Genji. They whined and cried as Hanzo left, practically breaking his heart. But he knew they’d be fine with his brother for the few hours he was to be gone. 

Cleared or not, Winston was determined to send Hanzo on a low-risk mission for his first time around. They were simply clearing out a small group from an old building, it was nothing much, preventative measures to keep Talon from claiming the group and spreading through the area. It was simple, enough that Hanzo didn’t think much on it beyond listening to Jesse, Zarya and Lucio go over mission plans on the transport. 

Even if Hanzo hadn’t much interacted with Zarya or Lucio, he could respect both of them. Whether it was Zarya’s tactical and physical prowess, her seriousness in their planning. Or whether it was Lucio’s innovation and upbeat attitude. He had decided he liked them well enough as the group went over floor plans and Hanzo scouted out where he’d be the most useful. 

By the time they reached their destination, they had a clear plan of attack. And Hanzo found himself pleasantly surprised by how effortlessly the agents of Overwatch worked together. Enough that he had a certain confidence in the success of their mission.

If there was one thing Hanzo was confident in, it was his archery. He’d trained with a bow since he was a young child, preferring it over the sword that Genji had chosen. Under the Shimada clan he’d held it as a more elegant and noble weapon, something that demanded more skill to be effective. 

As he’d gotten older though, moved away from the clan, Hanzo just found a bow to be more practical. He didn’t need to get up close and personal with enemies. He could just find a place to perch out of sight, and enemies didn’t know what hit them. Not only that but it was considerably quieter than any kind of firearm the other members possessed. 

Hanzo ended up checking over his weapon one last time as they neared where they were to leave the transport. It was supposed to be a quick mission so they wouldn’t have to wait for extraction, the transport was to wait for them. 

As the ship settled lower in the air, Hanzo checked over his bow one last time, and silently counted the arrows in his quiver over his shoulder. He liked having full stock of what he had on him in any situation. Though he supposed the mission was a bit more high stakes than just hunting, as the people they were up against would likely have a tendency to fight back. 

“You feelin’ alright Hanzo?” The archer jumped slightly when he heard someone pipe up beside him. His eyes landed on Lucio as the young man fixed one of his gloves, arching an eyebrow up at Hanzo. It had Hanzo blinking slightly before he nodded, slinging his bow over his back absently. He wouldn’t need it until he was settled into his spot. He was fine, and wasn’t sure why Lucio was questioning him in the slightest. 

“Just wanted to ask, you’re lookin’ tired is all.” Lucio shrugged, glancing over himself. Hanzo blinked at that, confused. Did he really look tired? He wouldn’t know, he didn’t spend much time looking in a mirror, and he didn’t often sleep well. Instead of giving a real answer, Hanzo just offered a quiet shrug. He didn’t see why it was important, as long as he could perform his function in the mission, what did his sleep schedule matter? Hanzo wasn’t sure what to make of the question. 

“Well, just stay where I can see you and we should have this on lockdown.” The medic flashed Hanzo a bright smile as he folded his arms over his chest. Hanzo often wondered how someone so young had been pulled into something like Overwatch. He obviously hadn’t been a part of the original Overwatch, he was too young for such a thing. So that drew the question of why someone with so much of their future ahead of then had joined the resistance, a desperate attempt to keep the world safe. 

Hanzo knew that plenty of the agents he knew already had previous commitments to the agency. Mostly Jesse, Jack, Reinhardt and a few of the others, including his brother. He was there for… Some reason. But he was there nonetheless and he didn’t want to just be useless, so he’d help where he could. Though those like Lucio and Hana had no real commitment to Overwatch. Especially as if they were caught it would be horrible. 

He did his best not to think of such things for the moment though. Instead he focused on the mission ahead. As long as he could do his job alright, he was sure things would go fine. 

The archer’s focus remained on that as they disbanded from the ship to head to the building. They all fell into tense silence as they worked. Hanzo dropped his bow into his hands, holding it down with an arrow nocked just in case. Jesse tapped his Peacekeeper idly against his thigh whenever they paused. And thankfully most of the team was quiet, Hanzo knew that his own steps were silent thanks to years of training. So while Zarya and Jesse’s footsteps were louder, their numbers weren’t entirely given away thanks to how quietly he and Lucio moved. 

Hanzo split off from the group before any of the rest of them though, moving off to a spot where he got a clean look into most of the building and he could cover the others. His aim was good even at a long distance, so he could keep back from the group for the most part, climbing up to the roof of a nearby building, still within range so his shots would be deadly. \

It was from that perch that he watched the others work. Lucio was incredibly nimble on his skates, interesting to watch as he wove around enemies with ease. It didn’t look like Jesse missed a single shot, and Zarya carried her massive gun like it was nothing. 

From his spot though, Hanzo managed the other’s blind spots. Several attackers dropped with arrows sprouting from their throats when they got too close to one of the team without someone else noticing. That often got him quiet thanks through the comms when the others realized they’d missed something, or they hadn’t had time to take care of something themselves. 

And eventually, the remainder of the gang was rounded up. It was only then that Hanzo clambered down from his perch to join the others again. He could fight perfectly well on the ground too, so he wasn’t worried about being attacked, he just prefered keeping out of fights. 

Zarya and Lucio had peeled off to take care of the small group of gang members, leaving Jesse to meet Hanzo halfway to the group that the others were dealing with. He offered the archer a faint smile, lifting a hand to push the brim of his hat up as he approached Hanzo. 

“How’re you holdin’ up?” Jesse asked with a hum as he looked Hanzo over, checking for possible injuries. Hanzo knew the cowboy would find nothing. He hadn’t even had anyone figure out where he was, not a shot had gone in his direction. Which was something considering that he’d been dropping people like it was nothing. But he paused to sling his bow over his back before he responded to Jesse. 

“I’m fine, thank you.” He shrugged. He really was. The mission didn’t bother him at all, he hadn’t been having any issues with what he was doing. So he was fine. That and he was out of the melee. So there was that at least, as he was definitely within his comfort zone. 

“Good to hear, you’re one hell of a shot though, did you miss a single one?” Jesse flashed Hanzo a lopsided grin as he hooked his thumbs into his belt. The same belt he wore all the time. Then again his chosen uniform wasn’t too far off from his everyday outfits. He simply had on a layer of body armor and a pair of chaps. But other than that it remained the same, much to Hanzo’s amusement. He shrugged again at the question though, he hadn’t been keeping track. 

“Doesn’t seem like it huh?” Jesse offered a hearty laugh, clapping Hanzo on the shoulder with a gloved hand. It made Hanzo startle a bit. Usually he was fine with the contact, but he was already a bit jumpy from being on edge. Apparently his jolt was enough to have Jesse pulling back with an apologetic wince though. But before he could assure Jesse it was fine, a shout rang from Zarya.

His gaze snapped up to fall on the Russian woman as she moved towards one of the men clustered in the group of gang members that had supposedly surrendered. 

It took Hanzo a beat too long to realize that what the other man was holding was a gun, and it was pointed at Jesse. 

And the realization hit before Zarya’s hand could close on the man’s wrist, and the shot rang off despite her efforts. 

Hanzo had just enough time to reach out and grab the fabric around Jesse’s shoulders, hauling him out of the direct path of the bullet. 

Well at least that was his intent. 

He heard the bullet hit, how it punched through flesh and at least one organ. Before pain seared through his upper arm. 

The man with the gun was already under Zarya’s grip, and the gun hit the ground with a clatter. It broke the silence that fell in the wake of the shot, giving Hanzo a moment to realize what had happened as he felt something wet seep across his chest. It made his stomach turn as what it really was dawned on him. 

“Jesse?” He pulled back, bracing his hands on Jesse’s shoulders. The cowboy made brief eye contact with him before he looked down to his own chest. There was a dark stain quickly spreading against his ribs. It made Hanzo’s breath hitch, there was no way to deny the fact that Jesse had definitely been shot. Even less so when the cowboy swayed slightly with a wheeze, choking on his own breath. 

“Shit, sonofabitch really got me huh?” He gave a strained chuckle, dropping a hand to press over the exit wound. Hanzo knew that judging by the pain that pulsed from his upper arm, the bullet had buried itself somewhere in his flesh, and he’d have to have it taken care of. 

But judging by the rattle in the cowboy’s breath, they had much bigger things to worry about. Hanzo knew enough about human anatomy that where Jesse had been shot overlapped pretty much perfectly with his lung. And it was likely starting to collapse as they spoke. 

As if to confirm his concerns, Jesse crumpled with a string of breathless curses. 

Seeing that had fear clawing it’s way up Hanzo’s throat, threatening to choke him as he dropped to kneel beside Jesse. He only looked up from the cowboy when he heard the hiss of Lucio’s skates and saw the young man fumble to kneel beside them as well. Hanzo cast a frantic look to the medic, terrified for the cowboy’s health. If Jesse died Hanzo would end up blaming himself. He knew that much, he hadn’t pulled Jesse far enough out of the way. He could have done more, he could have-

His thoughts were broken off by Lucio’s voice. 

“Hey Hanzo I need you to work with me here man, c’mon, you need to breathe too.” The other man’s voice was strangely soothing, but demanded Hanzo’s attention at the same time. He met Lucio’s eyes as he let out the breath he’d been holding, trying not to listen to the sound of Jesse’s labored breathing as it would only scare him more. 

“There you go, I can’t fix his lung here, it’d be easier if there was only one wound but-” Lucio shook his head, and Hanzo caught a flicker of worry cross soft features before the other man shook it off. 

“But that doesn’t have to mean he dies.” Lucio soothed, stripping his own gloves off to get sensitive wires out of the way. Hanzo nodded, doing his best to have faith in the medic. He did trust all the medics that Overwatch employed. But he hadn’t expected to see Jesse dying on his time any time soon, and it was terrifying to the point of panic. 

What was he supposed to do if he lost Jesse? The cowboy had become such a huge part of his life that he wasn’t sure what to do if Jesse suddenly left the picture, if he had to lose another person. He’d already seen Genji die, already blamed himself for that. But while he hadn’t pulled the trigger, he’d still failed in getting Jesse out of the way, he could have done so much more, could have taken the bullet himself even. 

“Alright, work with me here Hanzo, I need you to put pressure on the exit wound.” Hanzo allowed Lucio to take his hands, placing them over the bloody spot on Jesse’s ribs. 

Hanzo had felt many things in his time but as he put pressure on the wound he felt like he was going to be ill. 

It was hot, blood pulsing up between Hanzo’s fingers as he pressed down, following Lucio’s guidance before the medic told him he was pushing hard enough. It was then that he felt broken bone pushing up through flesh, pricking against his palm, along with the torn skin and muscle that squished under his hands, making Hanzo gag. 

He had always had a strong constitution, had run his own brother through with a sword and hadn’t thrown up until the guilt had made him ill later. But feeling one side of Jesse’s chest practically still from the useless lung, and having the cowboy’s lifeblood pooling over his hands, it nearly made him sick. 

“Easy hon’ you’re lookin’ a little pale.” Hanzo startled at the sound of the low wheeze from Jesse, his gaze flickering down to the cowboy’s face. Jesse’s head had fallen back against the dirt, brown hair falling in strands around his face, over his half-crushed hat. Almost like a halo. But Hanzo was paying less attention to that and more to how pale Jesse looked under his tan. 

“Hush, McCree, you’ll strain yourself.” Hanzo did his best to sound stern, but his voice shook. Hanzo blamed it on the stress, of knowing that Jesse could very well die at any moment. 

“Ok, we gotta get him back to the transport, I don’t have the equipment to deal with this here.” Lucio spoke up. Hanzo didn’t look from McCree’s face, holding eye contact as he felt the same fear claw its way back up the back of his throat, reminding him of how he could lose Jesse, how he’d never have a chance to be close to Jesse again. The thought hurt. 

“I can heal a lot but I can’t un-collapse a lung.” Lucio shook his head, before turning to look over his shoulder and call for Zarya. 

Hanzo paid no mind to what passed between them, focused on Jesse as the American lifted a hand to catch against his shoulder, trembling hard even as he did so. 

“Relax sugar, this ain’t my first rodeo.” Jesse rasped, hand catching against the thick silk of Hanzo’s ruined kimono. Hanzo frowned at that, but kept his gaze on Jesse as the cowboy slid his hand up to catch him by the back of his neck. He was too panicked to protest being pulled down gently. Though he kept pressure on Jesse’s chest, he allowed himself to be pulled close until Jesse bumped their foreheads together. It allowed Hanzo a breath of comfort, a reassurance that Jesse was definitely still alive and kicking. Enough to pull him close to share a breath of calm. 

“I’m gonna be fine.” Soft brown eyes met his, and Hanzo softened a bit. He was still terrified, as he could still feel the sickening pulse of blood oozing between his fingers. But the soft tone from Jesse was enough to have him at least trying to root himself in reality. 

“If you die I will not forgive you.” Hanzo muttered, his voice shaking hard. He didn’t realize that there were tears stinging at his eyes until Jesse moved his hand to brush a thumb under his eye, offering him a reassuring look. 

“Don’t count me out so fast sweetpea.” Jesse rumbled. The comment drew a watery snort from Hanzo as he struggled to find the humor. He allowed himself to be pulled slightly closer as he drew a shaking breath. 

A soft kiss was pushed against his cheek, making Hanzo blink down at Jesse. He practically froze, wondering what the hell that was for. Jesse just flashed a pained smile, thumb brushing over Hanzo’s cheek. 

“Besides, if this is it, ‘m glad I got to get to know you again.” He murmured. 

The moment was broken by Lucio and Zarya as the woman moved over, heavy footsteps startling Hanzo into looking up to her. She and Lucio had been talking but he hadn’t been listening to anything they’d been saying. He was focused on the feeling of Jesse’s hand resting against the crook of his neck. But he forced his attention back to the medic and Zarya as she moved to kneel beside the cowboy, Lucio moving out of her way. 

“Alright, we gotta get him moved, Hanzo I’m gonna need you to take care of him on the ride back, but Zarya if you could.” She offered a mute nod at the look she got from the young man. 

From there it only took a few moments for them to retreat to the transport. Hanzo was tasked with carrying Zarya’s weapon. It was a massive beast of a thing, and Hanzo was sure it weighed almost as much as the cowboy. Enough that he nearly strained his wounded arm. But he managed. 

Hanzo trailed after the group, careful not to hurt himself further until they got to the craft and he put the gun down. 

The ride back to the base was tense. Jesse passed out not long after he was set on the floor of the transport with Hanzo. It stressed the archer out, leaving him to think silently. Think about what his life would be without Jesse. How many things would be different without the cowboy. It was a lot, and thinking about how much Jesse had really come to him was terrifying. It was terrifying to admit because it felt like Jesse was inches away from being ripped right out of his life, permanently. 

He couldn’t lose Jesse, it would break him. 

That thought rattled around inside his head until they touched down at Gibraltar, and suddenly Jesse was swept away by the entire medical team. It left him alone with Zarya, watching after the group with worry as he thoughtlessly wrapped his arms around himself, only wincing at the shock of pain that bit into his arm, reminding him of the bullet still buried there. 

“He will live.” The gruff voice startled Hanzo, had him glancing back over his shoulder at Zarya as she hefted her gun over her shoulder. She didn’t even look at Hanzo, checking her hands for blood as she opened her mouth to speak again. 

“McCree is like cockroach, impressively hard to kill, I have seen it.” She shrugged, almost casual. And oddly enough, her nonchalance about the situation put Hanzo more at ease than Jesse himself. She didn’t seem bothered in the slightest, had the same attitude as she always did. And that familiarity was comforting in a way. 

“You, on the other hand have-” She gestured to Hanzo’s arm as she moved to stand beside him in the doorway of the transport. 

“-that, to deal with.” She eyed the archer finally, and Hanzo scowled at her slightly, he would be fine, and didn’t need to distract the medical staff. 

“I’ll deal with it. The others are better suited to helping Jesse right now.” He frowned, worry filling him at the idea of any of the doctors on site being distracted with his problem instead of focusing all of their energy on Jesse. 

“From that angle? I do not think so. You will tear your own muscle apart before you remove bullet successfully.” She waved a hand before nodding towards the tarmac. 

“Come, I can help.” She motioned for Hanzo to step out of the transport first. Hanzo wasn’t sure what to make of the offer. On one hand he knew she was right. With the angle that the bullet had sunk into his arm, it would in fact be remarkably hard to remove without damaging himself further. And she radiated calm. So suffice to say, Hanzo was, for once, not minding the company. He hadn’t interacted with the Russian much, but from what he’d seen, she didn’t sugarcoat things, and hopefully she could be trusted to do the same when it came to talking about someone’s health. Especially in such dire circumstances. 

So after a moment of hesitation, Hanzo followed the large woman out of the transport. 

She remained silent as she led him down the hall towards her rooms. Hanzo kept quiet as well, holding one hand over the oozing wound in his arm. It was then that he realized, dimly, that Jesse’s blood was still soaked over his hands, slowly drying. It made him nauseous, thinking once more on the fact that moments before he’d been trying to keep Jesse from bleeding out. 

It was only when they stepped into Zarya’s quarters that she spoke up again, gesturing to one of the chairs at the table in her room. 

“Sit, you look like you need to.” She waved a hand at him, tossing the heavy gun on her bed. It gave a dull thump, nearly making Hanzo wince. He didn’t get much more than a side eye from Zarya before she was ducking into the bathroom for something though. As Hanzo wasn’t in much mood to protest, he ended up sitting at the table quietly, flexing his fingers absently and watching drying blood start to crack along his fingers. 

The sound of water drew his attention, before Zarya returned from the other room, one of the base’s aid kits tucked under her arm as she toweled her hands dry. 

“Painkillers?” It was a question more than an offer, and Hanzo ended up shaking his head, knowing exactly what she meant. He didn’t need painkillers for something as simple as a bloodshot, he’d stitched himself up with less before. She just gave a nod and tossed the med kit on the table before she returned to the bathroom briefly. 

When she returned she had a fresh towel, that one wet with water, and she gestured for Hanzo to take his arm out of his shirt. He did so as she pulled the other chair over and opened the aid kit. By the time he’d wrestled the stained silk off she’d settled into the other chair where she could get at his arm. 

After Hanzo had removed the fabric between her and the bullet wound in his arm, Zarya set to work cleaning the area first. 

Hanzo allowed her to work in silence, just gripping a handful of clean fabric as he grit his teeth through the pain of her taking a long pair of tweezers to the wound in his arm. Surprisingly enough it only took her a few seconds to locate the bullet and draw it out, nose wrinkling slightly as it pulled out. 

“I didn’t know you knew how to do these kinds of things.” Hanzo spoke up as she discarded the bloody chunk of metal on a piece of paper towel she’d set on the table. He caught her arching an eyebrow at him, a faint smirk gracing her features, just barely there. It was perhaps the most extreme expression he’d ever seen on the soldier. 

“This is no more than basic training.” She shrugged, setting bloodied tweezers aside to pick up the needle she had threaded. 

“All soldiers should know how to take care of wounds, their own or comrades.” She shrugged, motioning for Hanzo to give her his arm. He did so without protest, shifting in his seat to give the large woman space to do what she needed to. 

They fell into silence again as she stitched the wound closed carefully. Hanzo winced at every tug of thread through skin, out of discomfort more than pain really. But Zarya worked quickly, and soon she was sitting back to retrieve a roll of gauze. 

“Your boyfriend will be fine, by the way.” Hanzo blinked at the low rumble of her comment. His boyfriend? Despite the severity of the situation, Hanzo felt heat rise to his cheeks in embarrassment, disarmed. 

“Excuse me? Jesse and I aren’t-” He faltered, clearing his throat and shaking his head as he remembered Jesse pulling him close, kissing his cheek. Jesse had been on the brink of death and he’d-

Hanzo pushed the thought away, shaking his head again and looking back at Zarya. She raised her eyebrows at him, shooting him an inquisitive look before turning her gaze back to Hanzo’s arm and wrapping it in the sterile bandaging. 

“Alright.” She didn’t sound convinced. And Hanzo wasn’t sure what to make of that. He and Jesse weren’t close enough for people to think that were they? 

Hanzo ended up zoning out as Zarya finished bandaging him up, before she sat back and brushed her hands off. 

“There, now you should clean up.” She nodded to Hanzo, indicating his whole body, smeared with blood, both his own and Jesse’s. That much was fair. Hanzo gave a nod of agreement, looking to his bloody hands again. 

“Thank you.” He spoke up quietly, looking back to Zarya, she just shrugged and folded her arms over her chest as she sat back in her seat. 

“Is nothing, had you hurt yourself you would sulk around base anyways.” She waved a hand dismissively, as if she didn’t need thanks for helping with something so drastic. Hanzo just watched her for another moment, only catching her eyes for a second, before nodding again and getting up. 

“Once you clean up, check on Jesse. I am sure they will let you see him.” Zarya called over her shoulder as Hanzo made to leave. Hanzo glanced back at her, finding her eyes on him. He had planned to anyways, but the way she said that made him think, for many reasons. 

“I will.” He nodded, before he slipped out to return to his room and clean up. 

Once he’d done that and dressed in fresh clothes, he went to go retrieve the wolves. 

They both practically knocked him off of his feet when Genji’s door opened, checking him all over and sneezing at the iron smell of blood that still clung to the bandage on his arm. The pair were more than excited to see him, and didn’t even need any encouragement to follow him down to the infirmary. Genji, despite being invited to come, elected to stay where he was, saying something about having seen Jesse nearly die enough that it lost its charm for him. He’d chuckled at Hanzo’s scathing look before patting his brother on the back and shooing Hanzo off. 

Hanzo felt the nerves re-surge up his throat as he made his way to the infirmary. The clatter of claws against tile kept him rooted to reality though, as did the pulsing ache of the wound in his arm. But he managed to keep his head before stepping into the med bay. At the back of the room he could see one of the beds already sectioned off, and Angela and Lucio were speaking a little way’s away. Both in scrubs instead of their mission uniforms. They’d obviously been in the OR, presumably with Jesse. 

Angela was the first to hear Hanzo and the wolves, and she looked up to catch his gaze, before she and Lucio trailed over to talk to the archer, pausing their conversation. 

“He’s fine Hanzo.” Those three words had Hanzo practically sighing from relief as Angela touched his arm gently, offering him a reassuring smile. 

 

“Yeah, he’s doin’ fine, he’ll just be under for a bit longer, but it’s a good thing you pulled on him like that.” Lucio piped up, sticking his hands in the pockets of his scrubs and rocking a bit on his feet as he spoke. Hanzo paused at that. He still hadn’t done enough, hadn’t kept Jesse from being shot at all. 

“If you hadn’t the bullet probably would have gotten him in the spine. And that would have been nasty.” Lucio shook his head, before shrugging. The weight of that took a second to hit Hanzo, but when it did, he found himself thankful for his quick reaction time, as otherwise Jesse would have risked paralysis. Which, he knew Jesse well enough to know it would have destroyed the gunslinger. 

“Well, as long as he is alright.” Hanzo let out a faint sigh, tension running out of his shoulders as he reassured himself. Jesse was ok, he was fine. He was just out from surgery presumably. 

“Absolutely. He’s going to be bedridden for a few days, because that round did a lot of damage. But once that’s done he should be fine.” Angela offered, before nodding towards the curtained off bed. 

“If you want to see him you can, just know he’ll be out for a few more hours, so I’d suggest you get some sleep. Or at least take some time to lie down.” The doctor eyed Hanzo worriedly, he knew he probably looked like hell. But he was more worried about Jesse, shaking his head slightly at the suggestion. 

“I’d rather see him.” For once he wasn’t going to hedge around it. He wanted to see Jesse safe and well or he wouldn’t be able to sleep. Not with the image of Jesse bleeding out under his hands as the last time he’d seen the cowboy. Angela frowned a bit before folding her clipboard against her chest and sighing. 

“Alright, just keep those two off his bed please.” She huffed a bit, casting a glance over at Lucio. Lucio just shrugged quietly, before the pair moved off to let Hanzo go see Jesse. 

He knew that had Overwatch still been applying to all of the laws that legal medical practices had to apply to, he’d never be allowed to see Jesse in such a condition. But as it was he could, and he ended up pushing the curtain aside quietly, and faltering at the sight of Jesse in the hospital bed. 

The cowboy was hooked up to several different machines. Most making quiet sounds blinking lights. But Hanzo was more focused on the swath of white bandaging wrapped around a bare midsection. 

Jesse was still out cold, chest rising and falling steadily as he slept. 

It took Hanzo a second to move again. And when he did he realized that the ache in his chest definitely wasn’t from some unseen wound. It was relief. 

He crossed the space in no more than two strides, moving to lean his hip against the rail of the bed as his eyes swept over Jesse’s sleeping face. 

He was alive. 

It was enough of a relief that Hanzo had to fight down the sting of tears as he lifted a hand to brush a stray bit of hair back from Jesse’s face. His touch lingered slightly at the bolt of Jesse’s jaw, simply appreciating the pulse under his fingertips. 

Jesse didn’t stir, and Hanzo was almost glad for that fact, as it gave him a long moment just to stay there and breathe, taking in the fact that Jesse was most definitely alive. 

Eventually he did draw away though, pulling one of the armchairs in the space closer to the bed so he could fold his arms against the mattress and rest his chin on his arms. 

He intended to wait there for a bit, just listen to Jesse breathing. But he didn’t even register when he fell asleep, eyes drifting closed as he listened to the steady chirp of the heart monitor and the slow rasp of Jesse’s breathing. 

Hanzo was out for the count, only moving when a hand fell against his hair, fingers tangling in soft strands. But even then he barely shifted, before he was dragged under again, exhausted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so that's, whatever that is. I wanted to actually put some like, real stuff in here so have that. Anyhow, if you liked feel free to throw a comment my way! It always makes my day to hear from you guys!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So
> 
> This chapter is short, which is not what I intended. But boy howdy I don't have the emotional fortitude to write more. It's 2:30 AM and I cried twice while writing this so here you go.

When Hanzo did wake, it was slowly. 

It was the grueling procession of feeling first the weight against the nape of his neck. Then realizing he’d fallen asleep in the worst possible position for his back. He was hunched over against Jesse’s hospital bed, arms folded against the mattress still, causing everything between his shoulders to cramp, along with his neck. 

Overall, a very unpleasant awakening. 

Aside from warm fingers shifting ever so slightly in his hair. 

He’d left it loose after showering, not thinking to tie it up after he’d washed all the dust out of his hair. Along with the blood he’d smeared into his hairline when he’d pushed his own hair back without thought. Either way, his hair had dried left down, falling into unkempt almost-waves. Nothing like proper waves or curls, but it was messy, caught between someone’s fingers. Jesse’s, actually. Hanzo realized that as he blinked his eyes up, remembering fully where he was. 

Speaking of Jesse, if the slight flex of strong fingers against the nape of his neck was anything to go by, the cowboy was awake. And that much had Hanzo sitting up, because damn if he didn’t have some words for Jesse. 

As he moved to sit himself up, Jesse swiftly withdrew his hand, only confirming Hanzo’s suspicions. Hanzo was almost sad for the loss of contact though. The warm weight of Jesse’s palm resting against his neck had been nice. He was more concerned with the fact that Jesse was alive though, and felt himself let out another huff of relief when he straightened up fully and met Jesse’s eyes. 

The American looked tired, pale still under his tan and freckles. But he looked better than he had when he was bleeding out under Hanzo’s hands and- Hanzo cut the thoughts off, refusing to let himself backslide into thinking about that. Instead he focused on Jesse as he stretched his arm down a bit, holding his other hand to signal Jesse to give him another moment to wake up. 

The wolves were still asleep in a pile at the end of Jesse’s bed. Thankfully they hadn’t tried to get on it, but they were right against the edge, curled into one big ball. Hanzo knew he’d still have to take them out and make sure they had time to blow off energy, but he couldn’t think of anything else that would pry him away from Jesse while the cowboy was recovering. 

Hanzo almost jolted a bit when he realized that was exactly what he planned to do, he planned to stay with Jesse as long as he was wanted, to see him through his recovery. It was a bit of a thought to swallow, but Hanzo just shoved it to the back of his mind instead of thinking on it too much, and turned his full attention to Jesse once he’d regained his ability to function like a normal human being. 

“Didn’t expect you to be here when I woke up.” Jesse piped up after a long moment. Hanzo blinked in surprise, arching an eyebrow at Jesse. What did he expect then? An empty infirmary? Surely the cowboy knew he was one of the most widely loved members of Overwatch, by the members themselves at least. If one could get by Jesse’s awful grammar or they didn’t mind his constant cheeriness, Jesse was a wonderful person to be around, and he’d earned himself many friends. Hanzo was sure he wasn’t the only one concerned with Jesse’s wellbeing for the moment. 

“Well, I am here, and you’re awake.” Hanzo huffed, stretching his arms up and wincing as his spine cracked loudly. Jesse wrinkled his nose before offering a sympathetic smile. If anyone had back problems, Hanzo knew Jesse did. It wasn’t surprising that the cowboy had a bad knee, he’d fucked himself through Deadlock and Blackwatch. At least that was what Hanzo heard from Jesse and his brother. 

“That I am, no small thanks to you, from what I heard.” Jesse’s jaw tensed with pain as he shifted to push himself into a better sitting position, probably pulling stitches and raw flesh as he did so. It had worry tugging at Hanzo’s brow. He didn’t want Jesse risking ripping his stitches, one time covered in the cowboy’s blood was enough for him. But the comment from the cowboy had him shrugging. He would have done the same for any of his comrades. Though, he was sure he could have kept a more level head had it not been someone he was so attached to. Would he still have been worried? Absolutely. But he would have been able to think past who’s life was in his hands and he would have instead thought more on how to prevent their bleeding out, instead of relying on Lucio to remind him to stop panicking long enough to do something as basic as putting pressure on the wound. 

“I just stopped some of the bleeding.” Hanzo shrugged, getting to his feet to stretch better. He saw Jesse’s eyes follow him though, brows furrowing just slightly, barely enough to notice. 

“Still, Angela said if you hadn’t been there I would’a been paralysed or dead so.” Jesse offered a small shrug, dropping his eyes to the covers with a faint sigh as Hanzo raked messy hair back from his face with his fingers. Hanzo remembered being told about the possible paralysis that Jesse could have dealt with, had that bullet hit his spine where it was originally going to. But Hanzo didn’t want to think about that, Jesse was alive and mostly well, and that was what mattered. 

“It was instinct, there is no need to thank me for such a thing.” Hanzo waved a hand, glancing down to the wolves to make sure they were still asleep. He didn’t want them crying at his feet if he just wanted to talk to the cowboy for five minutes instead of taking them outside the second they woke up. No matter how much he loved the wolves, he knew that they would always be bratty, no matter the situation. And he also knew that much was mostly his fault for tolerating that kind of behavior when they were all alone, just the three of them. 

“Hey, sue me for wantin’ to say thanks for helping save my life.” Jesse huffed out, lifting a hand to push his own hair back from his face. Hanzo supposed he made a good point, but he still didn’t think he was a savior. He was simply doing what he thought was right. Did it nearly send him to tears? Yes. Did he nearly have a panic attack? Yes. But at the end of the day he was just protecting someone he loved. 

Hanzo had slowly been coming to terms with the fact that he cared for Jesse more than he liked. But even then, the fact that such a thought felt natural? It terrified him. He’d grown used to being attached. Had he come to terms with it? Possibly, but it still scared the hell out him, the fact that he’d been thinking about Jesse in such a way for so long that thinking about Jesse as someone he loved didn’t feel out of place. 

He ended up just huffing at Jesse’s comment and moving to perch on the edge of Jesse’s bed instead of the uncomfortable chairs that occupied part of the space. That much finally earned Jesse’s eyes on him as he moved his hand out of the way for Hanzo to sit properly. 

“You doin’ ok?” The question had Hanzo faltering slightly. Why would he not be? Did Jesse think something was wrong? Or that he was upset? That was a question he hadn’t been expecting, and it had him offering a shrug before he could think of an answer. 

 

“Of course, what makes you ask?” He frowned a bit as he settled, folding his hands in his lap. He was great actually, considering he didn’t have to watch Jesse die. Actually, hearing that Jesse was going to be ok was possibly the best news he’d heard that month. So perhaps he was doing better than normal. If not a bit more cramped and tired than usual. 

“You just seemed real torn up yesterday s’all.” Jesse’s voice was quiet, eyes soft as he looked over Hanzo, obviously still a little concerned as he folded his arms over his midsection. Hanzo watched him adjust so he wasn’t bearing down on the wound in his chest. But Hanzo could only shrug again at the comment. But he hadn’t realized Jesse had been cognant enough to actually remember the fact that he’d been on the brink of a panic attack during those few minutes spent watching the cowboys lifeblood stain his hands and hearing Lucio’s voice like white noise in the back of his head. 

“It was a stressful situation.” Hanzo huffed, shaking his head and pushing his hair back when the motion sent it into his face. It really was. Hanzo was good under pressure, which was why he handled as well as he did. Instead of falling into a PTSD fueled breakdown of the last time he’d been stained in someone else’s blood. But in the end he knew Jesse had probably never seen him like that before, so… frightened. 

“Yeah, seems it. Didn’t realize you got so worked up over this old cowboy though.” Jesse offered a good-natured grin. It was the kind that pulled the right side of his mouth up just slightly more, made the corners of his eyes crinkle with laughter lines. The kind of smile that practically melted Hanzo any time he saw it. Especially when it was directed at him. 

It was enough to make him drop his eyes as he folded his arms around his midsection, unsure of how to react to the statement. Mostly because Jesse wasn’t wrong. He hadn’t been so upset at the prospect of someone’s death since he’d had to psych himself up to kill his own brother in the name of the clan. And even then the reality of the situation hadn’t set in until an hour after the deed had been done. 

“Of course I was upset, I thought I was going to lose you.” Hanzo muttered, shooting Jesse a halfhearted glare as he shifted his weight. He lifted his chin a bit, almost challenging Jesse to give him shit for saying such a thing. He knew the cowboy’s jokes were never meant to sting, and they usually didn’t. But Jesse had nearly died, Hanzo had every right to care. 

However, he wasn’t expecting the raw shock that flickered across Jesse’s face. Hanzo hadn’t seen the cowboy disarmed in a long time. As Jesse had a way of taking things in stride, no matter the situation. It was almost annoying sometimes actually. 

But it seemed like Hanzo had actually knocked Jesse off his balance, as the cowboy even dropped his eyes briefly. Hanzo hadn’t thought what he’d said warranted such a reaction from Jesse. Mostly because he spoke the truth. He didn’t think that telling the truth was anything too out of the ordinary, though it’d been hard for him at the beginning of his recovery. 

“Shit, didn’t mean I meant that much to you darlin’.” Jesse sounded a bit like he’d had the air knocked out of him as he met Hanzo’s eyes again. The archer scowled at that, confused. Had Jesse not picked up on the fact that Hanzo cared about him in one way or another? That he was comfortable around Jesse more than pretty much anyone else aside from his brother and Zenyatta?

Hanzo wasn’t sure how to respond to that though, there wasn’t much of a follow up. So he just shrugged, like he’d been doing all the way through the conversation, glancing away to the pile of wolves on the floor. He hadn’t thought such a statement would disarm the cowboy like that. 

They fell into quiet after that, Hanzo looking elsewhere as he tried to think of what else to say that wouldn’t stress him out at the very thought. He’d been doing his best to avoid stressors if and when he could at Zenyatta’s guidance. And the thought of Jesse choking on his own blood as it crushed his lung and flooded his chest cavity was definitely one of those stressful thoughts. So instead he dragged his attention away to other things. 

At least until he felt a warm touch just above his knee, and turned his gaze back to Jesse. 

“Just so you know, you ain’t gonna lose me Hanzo, not if I have any say in the matter.” Jesse’s voice was barely above a whisper as they met each other’s eyes once more. And it was obvious, from the way he spoke, the way he looked at Hanzo and kept the eye contact, that he was being serious. 

It was Hanzo’s turn to feel like someone had punched him in the gut. 

He found himself unable to look away from Jesse’s face for a long moment. As far as Hanzo had seen, he’d never seen Jesse give someone such a look. The way he held Hanzo’s eyes, the tenderness in his statement, like he was swearing his life. And even if Jesse’s words always held a certain softness, the way he spoke was something more than that. 

That statement felt like so much more than it should have, and Hanzo felt both like he was overthinking it and like he wasn’t thinking about it enough before trying to formulate a reply. 

Before he could though, the warm hand pulled back from his leg and he felt Jesse shift his weight on the bed. As if he was withdrawing a bit. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to- yeah, just…” Hanzo looked up to see Jesse running a hand over his face. Wincing into his palm, as if he’d said something he shouldn’t have. Which was, so untrue. Hanzo had just never been good with words. Let alone in a situation that was slowly seeming to pull more and more emotion from the both of them. 

“Jesse it’s fine.” Hanzo spoke up, hesitating before he reached out to catch Jesse’s hand, pulling it away from his face gently. It earned him Jesse’s gaze once more. And he was truly seeing more of Jesse than he had since they were teens, because the look of uncertainty and nervousness he got was one he didn’t remember seeing before. At least not on Jesse. He’d seen it on others, people who worried they’d just broken someone’s trust. 

“I… wouldn’t mind that, you know. Having you enough to not have to worry about losing you.” Hanzo dropped his eyes to Jesse’s hand cradled between his without even thinking. It was easier to trace his eyes over calloused skin and the lines of Jesse’s palm than it was to watch the cowboy react to his words. It felt almost too far, too close to telling Jesse how he felt, how he craved closeness with Jesse, but was too afraid to even hope for such a thing. At least until that moment. 

Maybe he was riding the high of knowing Jesse was still alive, and knowing he was part of the reason that Jesse survived at all. But it was something, and by the nervous ache that had taken his throat and chest, it was definitely more than Hanzo had planned to say. Ever. 

He was in unfamiliar waters and wasn’t sure he even remembered how to swim. 

But Jesse’s fingers curled around his own and Hanzo felt like he could at very least focus on that. 

“You act like I’m not already yours.” Jesse’s voice was a strained chuckle when he finally spoke. As if he was trying to say something smooth, but he was actually affected by the situation. 

Hanzo was floored enough by the statement that he barely noticed Jesse’s tone though. Instead he paused, fingers falling still where he’d been tracing absent circles in Jesse’s palm. It took him a moment to look up. But when he did he was met with just the kind of look that terrified him like nothing else. The kind of unadulterated emotion that he’d seen only a handful of times before, and never in such a situation. 

Jesse looked almost scared, like he was expecting some kind of violent backlash. But at the same time he looked so fucking genuine that it almost hurt to see. 

“Jesse…” It was all Hanzo could manage, sounding almost lost and speaking without even thinking first. The whole situation had blindsided him and he had no other experience to compare it with. He had no idea what he was doing, but Jesse was there, he was alive and Hanzo could feel Jesse’s gaze on him. He could feel the way Jesse’s fingers twitched slightly against his own, nervous. 

The intent behind what Jesse had said took its sweet time sinking in. But it was hitting Hanzo harder by the second. 

And in that moment he had never wanted to kiss Jesse more, if only to ease the nerves he could see all over Jesse’s face. 

Without any other thought of how to react though, Hanzo found himself moving on instinct more than anything else. He couldn’t just let Jesse work himself into his nerves after saying such a thing. 

He moved without a word, one hand slipping into Jesse’s to lace their fingers together properly as he sat forward. 

It was so damn easy, every movement felt scripted, like the curve of Jesse’s jaw was magnetized and Hanzo’s hands were metal. The drag of Jesse’s facial hair against his palm wasn’t enough to dissuade Hanzo. He didn’t give himself time to think, instead he allowed himself to lean the rest of the way in and close the space between his own lips and Jesse’s. 

At first Jesse tensed, Hanzo felt how tendon in the side of the cowboy’s neck tightened under his fingers, not unlike a bowstring. 

But after a breath the tension was gone, and instead Jesse pushed up to meet Hanzo, like the tide coming up to wash over a beach. 

It was then that Hanzo allowed himself to relax, to actually think about what he’d just done. To think about the fact that he’d just leaned in and kissed Jesse, like it was something he did. Like there were no such thing as negative reactions. He hadn’t spent an hour stressing over if Jesse’s statement was actually romantic. 

And to think about the fact that not only was Jesse kissing back, but he’d brought his other hand up to catch the curve of Hanzo’s waist, pulling him closer. Or just to appreciate the warm slide of Jesse’s lips against his own. 

He’d been thinking about kissing Jesse for so goddamn long that it hardly felt real to actually be doing it. 

But Jesse was there, he was alive and breathing, and damn if he wasn’t returning the kiss with enthusiasm, even if it was restrained. 

Hanzo could feel Jesse’s pulse against the heel of his hand though, and he ended up shifting his other hand to brush back through Jesse’s hair. He caught a handful at the back of Jesse’s head, just holding it lightly and appreciating being able to pull Jesse closer before they finally broke away. 

It was only then that Hanzo realized he was shaking slightly, likely from the adrenaline rush it had taken to actually do something like that. 

But that was the least of his concerns for the moment though. Instead he was focused on the curve of Jesse’s neck under his hand, skin warm against his own, or the way Jesse’s breath rasped against his cheek, almost as shaky as his own. 

“I’d say give a man a warning next time but shit.” Jesse murmured, Hanzo could hear the smile in Jesse’s voice as he finally dared to open his eyes, only to roll them slightly at the comment as he bumped his forehead against Jesse’s temple. He’d gotten to kiss the cowboy, and didn’t want to pull away for the time being. He was too focused on how Jesse’s arm slipped around his waist, and how the cowboy’s hair slid so easily through his fingers. 

“I’m not much one for telling people my plans.” Hanzo huffed, an attempt at humor. Sure he still sounded just the tiniest bit shaky, but so did Jesse. And for the moment Hanzo just wanted to take in Jesse’s scent and appreciate the warmth of the other hand that Jesse moved to frame the side of his ribs. 

“Mmh, I noticed.” The faint scoff from the cowboy nearly had Hanzo rolling his eyes once more, but instead he just shook his head sightly, dragging his thumb over Jesse’s pulse as he let his gaze drop to the curve of Jesse’s neck. He just wanted to take a quiet moment and appreciate the closeness. 

“Hey, look at me would you?” Hanzo nearly jumped feeling cool fingers catch the underside of his chin. He allowed himself to be turned just slightly, his gaze meeting Jesse’s again. It was then that he watched Jesse soften once more, his expression falling into a broad grin. And without missing a beat, Hanzo was pulled into another kiss. 

This one was softer, savoring, memorizing instead of meeting for the first time. It had him relaxing enough to lean just a bit more of his weight across Jesse, still careful of anywhere Hanzo knew would hurt to put pressure on. 

He let the kiss linger as long as he could, just trying to burn the feeling of Jesse’s lips slotted perfectly against his own into his memory. 

Hanzo knew that, like reasonable people, they would have to talk about what was happening, what had passed between them in those few moments. But in that moment he didn’t care about that. Instead he cared about getting as close as he could to Jesse, and wishing he didn’t have to breathe so he could just remain there and kiss the cowboy for the rest of the month. 

He’d barely dared to wonder what would happen if (and that was a slim if at the time) Jesse felt the same way for him. But it seemed like he didn’t have to wonder, at least not for a little while. Because he knew one thing for that moment. And it was that Jesse McCree was just as good to kiss as he thought the dumb cowboy would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about y'all but I'm such a goddamn mess right now, so I'll save you my usual 'like and comment' shit and just
> 
> oh boy, yeah
> 
> I'm going to bed


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a rough couple of weeks so here take this short crappy chapter before my anxiety about not doing any writing for like 2 weeks eats me alive!

It was only a few days before Angela cleared Jesse to get back to his own quarters to rest, much to Hanzo’s relief. He could see the kind of toll that getting confined to the infirmary was taking on Jesse. And as much as Hanzo wanted Jesse to rest, he also knew how Jesse lived his life, and that after being still for so long, Jesse was probably losing his mind. It definitely showed when he was finally allowed out with orders not to strain himself. 

Hanzo promised to keep an eye on Jesse as well. The last thing he wanted was for Jesse to hurt himself. Especially when he was still healing. Granted the wound was healing at an amazing rate thanks to Angela’s technology, but some of the internal damage had yet to heal as it wasn’t as affected as much by the advanced technology that the doctors of Overwatch had come up with. And it was the internal damage that worried Hanzo the most. He knew that Jesse’s lung had nearly been fucked entirely when it collapsed, so it was a miracle that Angela and Lucio managed to save it. But it was still a delicate healing process, meaning Jesse wasn’t allowed to smoke either. 

It just meant Hanzo would have to keep Jesse occupied and not let the wolves try to roughhouse with him. 

After leaving the medbay though, it felt almost natural to retire to Jesse’s room. They had spent Jesse’s time in the medbay together, trading soft kisses and gentle touches when the doctors weren’t about. It still almost felt like a dream to Hanzo. Even with the weight of Jesse’s hand against his hip and the cowboy’s arm warm around him while they walked. Even with the way Jesse had been looking at him the past few days. It all just felt so surreal. 

Even more so when Jesse opened the door of his room for him, and with a slight jolt, Hanzo realized it was the first time he’d actually seen Jesse’s room. 

It was warmer than his own by a lot, there were actual photos around, a few posters decorating the wall and a handful of postcards that spilled across the table. A radio sat on the table against the wall. And the bookshelf was stuffed with well-read paperbacks, some newer than others, but all bearing similar motifs from what Hanzo could see. They even spilled off of the shelf, a few scattered on top of it and one sitting on Jesse’s bedside table, a bookmark sticking halfway out of it. The cover bore a horse and rider at the edge of a hostile-looking canyon, with a pair of reading glasses folded atop the battered cover. 

The books weren’t the only thing that showed Jesse’s taste in lifestyle though, not only did the warm colors of the room match his personality, but many of the photos he had were of different desert locations that Hanzo had never seen.

“Make yourself at home, by the way.” Jesse offered Hanzo a half-wave around the room as he moved to his closet to grab some proper clothes that wouldn’t smell like the infirmary. Hanzo glanced after Jesse as the other man ducked into the bathroom to change. 

It was then that he took a closer look at the photos. A couple of them were clearly Blackwatch. His brother was in a couple, he looked angry, tired eyes watching over a metal faceplate. It hurt to see. But Hanzo tore his mind away from it, instead focusing how his brother had recovered, how he grinned at stupid jokes and raked cybernetic fingers through his shock of fading green hair every five seconds when he didn’t have his helmet on. 

The pictures were full of people he didn’t recognize. A few were even older, showing faded photos of what looked to be a farm, of a family that Hanzo could only assume was Jesse’s. 

He was examining a photo of a couple on horses, laughing and holding their hands up to block the sun from their eyes, when he felt a pair of warm arms snake around him. The first contact made him jump slightly, glancing over his shoulder as Jesse settled against his back. Jesse was warm, against him, giving a rumbling hum as he rested his cheek against Hanzo’s temple. 

“I know I know, I’m a sap for havin’ so many photos around.” Jesse gave a light laugh, arms folding securely around Hanzo’s middle. 

Hanzo ended up pausing for a moment, just to appreciate how Jesse’s frame melted against his own, letting himself relax into the cowboy’s hold. Jesse wasn’t more than a few inches taller than him, but he was sturdy against Hanzo, giving him something to lean back on as he folded his arms over Jesse’s. The hold felt natural, like they were supposed to fit together like that. And as much as Hanzo hated feeling cornered, the warm bulk of Jesse’s body pressed against his back was nice, as was the feeling of Jesse’s hands splaying against his abdomen, warm fingers curling into his shirt. 

“I don’t think so, not many people keep physical photos these days.” Hanzo shrugged. He had a handful of his own. They just… weren’t framed, or displayed in any way. Hanzo kept his memories to himself, where they were away from the eyes of any others that may step into his space and ask questions about why he kept such old photos. 

“You’d be the first then.” Jesse snorted, shifting to bump his forehead against the back of Hanzo’s head. It earned Hanzo’s attention enough that he turned to look at Jesse over his shoulder, earning himself a kiss on the cheek. The sweet gesture coaxed a faint smile out of Hanzo before he craned his neck to push a kiss against the corner of Jesse’s mouth. 

Hanzo had always wondered what Jesse was like when it came to affection, how he was when intimacy was concerned. And he’d been learning more and more that Jesse was the kind of person that really liked physical contact. It was a little startling, of course. Hanzo wasn’t sure what to make of it, even if he already knew that Jesse was a physically affectionate person. 

But he wasn’t opposed to how Jesse was when they got moments alone. So far at least. Jesse was just so goddamn sweet, treated Hanzo like he was the only one in the world that he wanted to be so close to. And Hanzo was still trying to figure out how he was supposed to handle that. 

For the moment though, he just huffed faintly and turned in Jesse’s hold, reaching up to drape his arms over Jesse’s shoulders. He was immediately pulled closer into Jesse’s hold, the cowboy moving to push a kiss against Hanzo’s temple. 

Hanzo supposed they still needed to talk about whatever it was that they were doing. Neither of them had so much as brought it up. They had just simply… started being affectionate with each other. And of course, there was nothing wrong with it. But it still made Hanzo wonder. He didn’t know what the full scope of Jesse’s thoughts on the situation were. All he did know was that Jesse’s hold grounded him like nothing else, and the wolves were content to lounge about as long as both Hanzo and Jesse were in their line of sight. 

For the moment though, the pair were investigating Jesse’s room, leaving the humans be to just lean on each other. 

“Come, you should lay back down, Angela said you still need to rest for the rest of the day.” Hanzo huffed a bit, giving Jesse a light push towards the bed even as Jesse made a face at him. 

“Aw c’mon, I’ve been restin’ for the last week.” Jesse grumbled, wrinkling his nose. The face got a faint huff of laughter from Hanzo as he rolled his eyes in response. Instead of mimicking Jesse’s stubbornness though, he leaned up to push a kiss against the corner of Jesse’s mouth. 

“One last day, come on, I’ll lay down with you.” Hanzo hummed, working his fingers into the collar of Jesse’s shirt idly as he felt Jesse’s grip on him shift. He knew Jesse hated to be confined to bed, but Angela wanted him off his feet for a little longer to be sure he wasn’t going to rip stitches or anything. Hanzo thought it was perfectly reasonable. Especially as they could enjoy each other’s company in the quiet of Jesse’s room. Hanzo would have been content to curl up with Jesse any day, even if he hadn’t had so much contact since the last time they’d been so close. Which was almost two decades or maybe more. He’d lost track. 

“Alright alright.” Jesse huffed softly, before withdrawing his arms from around Hanzo to move instead to the bed that sat in the corner. It’d been pushed there, much like Hanzo’s own, which Hanzo appreciated. He hated sleeping on a bed with both sides open. Either way, he trailed after Jesse after watching the other man flop down and get settled with a low huff of what Hanzo could only assume was resignation. 

He kicked his own shoes off before joining Jesse, stretching out beside the cowboy with a low sigh. Jesse’s bed was much more comfortable than the infirmary cots, or the chairs there. In fact Jesse had obviously invested in his own bedding. The blankets were either soft or woven, and overall quite comfortable, even just laying atop them. 

Hanzo didn’t have to wait long before Jesse moved to wrap an arm over him though. He eased into the contact as Jesse pulled him close. The way he’d situated though, Jesse ended up sticking his face in Hanzo’s shoulder. It left Hanzo to bury his fingers in Jesse’s hair as he curled against Jesse. He couldn’t remember how they’d slotted together when they were young, but he was sure there was more grace to their tangling back then. Instead of them nearly kneeing each other as they tangled their legs. 

The past aside though, the contact was really nice. Hanzo ended up relaxing as he toyed with strands of Jesse’s hair. He’d spent a lot of his time doing that for the past few days. As it always made Jesse absolutely melt. It wasn’t any different in that moment. Jesse went pliant in his arms with a content sigh, cheek pressed to Hanzo’s collar. 

Hanzo never realized he’d take so much comfort in the weight of someone else pressed against him. Or the way Jesse’s warm breath fanned against his throat as he relaxed. It was just comfortable, the way Jesse’s arm draped heavy over his ribs, how the cowboy’s shoulders hunched against him, pushing as close as he could. The way they held to each other was very reminiscent of how younger people tended to cling to long time partners. 

No matter the comparison though, Hanzo just fell into comfortable silence. It was only broken by the sound of two large canines jumping up onto the bed. One of the two wolves tumbled over the backs of Jesse’s legs, making Jesse snort and curl closer to Hanzo. He pressed a muffled ‘christ’ into the crook of Hanzo’s neck, his fingers fanning out against the cure of Hanzo’s back as the wolves pawed all over them to get settled. 

Eventually, one of the wolves curled up behind Jesse, head resting against the cowboy’s sturdy waist and ears flicking back and forth as he eyed Hanzo from his spot. The other wolf stretched out behind Hanzo, putting his back to Hanzo’s legs and stretching paws out over the edge of the bed with a grumble. 

With the weight of the wolves curled up on the mattress along with them, Hanzo couldn’t have been more content. 

It was around half an hour of them silently clinging to each other before Hanzo realized Jesse had fallen asleep. So much for not wanting to lay down. 

He moved one hand from Jesse’s hair to pat the head of the wolf that had settled against Jesse, just quietly appreciating the contact and the companionship. He couldn’t have thought of a better way to spend an afternoon. Of course there were times that he would have rather trained than do literally anything else. But with Jesse resting heavy against him, and a wolf pushing his wet nose into Hanzo’s hand as he gave the canine a scratch, he couldn’t think of a better place to be. 

However, Hanzo didn’t sleep, he just watched the rise and fall of Jesse’s back as he carded his fingers through Jesse’s hair, and he watched the way Jesse shifted against him, head resting against Hanzo’s shoulder. 

The sight of Jesse resting so contently against him was one Hanzo never wanted to forget. Especially as Jesse was so sweet, and goddamn gorgeous when he fell asleep like that. He looked like all of the stress that was normally on him had melted away. Instead it left him looking soft, relaxed. And that look made Hanzo want to map Jesse’s features with his hands, made him want to hold the cowboy even closer to take the time to appreciate every little nuance of Jesse’s looks. 

Everything from a small scar lancing through the corner of Jesse’s eyebrow, to light freckles dusted across Jesse’s cheeks and the bridge of his nose. Hanzo could have just taken hours learning Jesse’s face and he was sure he would fall more in love with it with every second he spent. Whether it was in the way that long lashes fanned out against tan cheeks, or how Jesse’s smile lines lingered faintly even when he slept, Hanzo loved all of it. 

And it was then, finally, he realized that he could do that. That he could appreciate just how goddamned beautiful the man sleeping against him was. He could run his fingers over the curve of Jesse’s jaw and just appreciate the sight. Jesse shifted into his touch, chin tilting up slightly to allow Hanzo to rub deft fingers under the line of Jesse’s jaw, scratching through the other man’s beard. 

He didn’t want to wake Jesse though, and after leaving an uncharacteristically soft kiss against Jesse’s hair, he settled to wait for the other man to wake on his own time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate the patience you guys have with me and my absolutely fucked update schedule. I promise I'll be getting plot back on track soon, I just needed to write some nonsensical fluff and this was the best I could manage with the hellish writer's block that's just been throttling my ability to write for the past week or more. 
> 
> I do have a big project in the works, if I can fucking finish it. So look forward to that for those of you that enjoy AUs, but I hope you guys enjoyed some dumb fluff for the time being because its?? Pretty much all I can manage for the time being.
> 
> As always, comment and whatnot if you feel like it, hearing from you guys always makes my day!


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